themousecried

B.A.M.M. Motivation R US

2011-05-24T21:45:00.000-07:00

Live, from Better America Musings Makers (or our talkshow call letters BAMM) it is the great Motavtional Speaker, 'William 'Will' Rhunmauth' the English Literaray Writer who just happens to be an American Indian, being interviewed by our host, Yeasim Nhocizey, on his upcoming American speaker tour at the Ed Dhuillm Civic Center this Saturday and Sunday night, Friday the 24th of July, let's join them shall we, on to the interview:

Yeas: Mr. Rhunemauth, Welcome to our 'stage".

Rhunemauth: Please call me, Will, thank you.

Yeas: And call me Yeas, please, first let me ask you how did you ever get the nickname, Will?

Will: I was named after a very famous literary English writer who happened to be, oddly enough, an American Indian named, 'Big Lightstalker Talkin'toe, perhaps you have heard of him or his very, very famous book, 'An American Indian Literary Writer Living In England'?

Yeas: Can't say that I have, Will, but then again I don't read much of the English literaries, especially the more famous lot and all, after all it is across that big ol' ocean.

Will: Hmm. Uummph (clearing his throat)

Yeas: So, you are a motivational speaker?

Will: Yes.

Yeas: Tell me and the audience where exatly will you be speaking?

Will: I will be speaking in front of the microphone device on a stage, thank you for asking.

Yeas: Your welcome., Well folks, that will be this Saturday and Sunday at the Ed Dhuill Civic Center located in Cleveland, Ohio, starting at 7:00 pm each night. Will tell me, Where do all the people come from to hear and partake of your great motivational speaking?

Will: They come from neighboring states, and all foreign countries worldwide.

Yeas: Wow! and I do mean, Wow, that is great, Will, I know you ask people to fill out cards with their names, emails, city and state, and/or country they originate from, great idea, so I am going to put you on the spot, I hope you were prepared for this one, in the last 5 epaking engagements you have given, what was the most furtherest point, map wise, or locality, of that individual?

Will: Woe, that is on the spot, and the cards are exactly how we attain the portion of audience 'partaking' in my motivational speaking, we also furnish the 3X5 cards and pencils, of course.

Yeas: Of course, and that one standout person from the farthererest point was?

Will: Sorry, I almost forgot, but you must remember we offer bus service also, and if I am not mistaken, and I will have to double check my 3' by 5's, but it was a scraggly type lad, scantly dressed in apparel, about one street over or what you, Yanks, or Americans, call 3-4 blocks away.

Yeas: Will, I know you put forth a lot in these motivational gatherings, do you find that most people who attend, really 'latch on' to what you are trying to convey to them, in other words, do you see the enthusiasm in them?

Will: Yes, I do, Yeas, at the end of the afternoon when my speech has settled, in that very moment I state, "Thank you for coming folks, I do so appreciate your giving up your Saturday..," and before I can get the words "...and Sunday" most of them have zipped out the doors, loaded with so much information they cannot contain it for the question and answer portion of the program.

Yeas: Wow! and Wow, Will, I bet that is a sight to behold all these people energized to go out and make the day theirs.

Will: Yes, it is most quaintly and quietly thrilling.

Yeas: There, there is the Englishter coming out, as one of my great heroes used to call it, now, Mr. Rhuinmauth, tell me, where exactly did you get that nickname?

Will: That 'is' my real name, sorry, it was given me by me paddy, and non, you can have it, lol.

Yeas: There it is folks, this concludes our interview, so be seeing you on Saturday and Sunday night, have a pleasant tonight and a good tomorrow.

Good Night, Will.

Good Night, Yeas.

BRIGADE OF THE MOO - COW CALVARY

2011-05-24T21:40:00.000-07:00

TIME OF THE COWS

BRIGADE OF THE MOO

It was the Time Of The Cows, so it would be called in Germany. The Germans were short on the amount of horses that they had, to address for the wars, so the Germans began training the Cow or the Cattle for the battle. Armed with the German Saddle and Bridle, they became the choice of the people over that of the horse as the mount was far easier and quicker, and during times of lack of water and nourishment they provided milk for the troops. The Germans were not ashamed of their newfound compadres and reached a name which they unabashedly called the Company of Moo, so called for the strange sounds emitted from the Cows. In early days, they were called the Cattle Calvary, the Big Brown Cow Brigade, and Troops of Cow. While the enemy rolled with laughter at the German military, they could not so much as envision the slaughter that would greet them. Unlike the horse who would not step upon a human body on the ground, first brought to public attention in the John Wayne Movie, 'El Dorado' to which the actor called, 'Alan Bourdillion Traherne' or 'Mississippi' (as he liked to be called) threw himself in front of running horses not to be trampled, but to cause the ability of shooting straight to be unaccomplished. Many of the enemy soldiers cast themselves in front of the Germany Moos hoping to alter the ability of the shooter and the swordsmen/women, only to be trampled to death. The nations armies quickly setup conferences to alert the soldiers of the phenomenon called 'Stampede of the Moos' later it would simply be called, "Lookout Stampede" and then just the word of alert, "Stampede". When the enemy heard the word 'stampede' they began to run to find cover of small deep gulches, but many would find the gulch to be a burying ground as the Moos would fall upon them, weighing in at hundreds of pounds the human body stood not a chance for protection. Later, the armies of the world, in conducting tests, found the Moos would not run into a wall, at least not on purpose, nor would they be able to run up a ramp, so the armies began to carry great precut ramps which would quickly be fastened together, and set on various locations on the countryside fields, these very quickly were called the Field of Ramps. The enemy had gained much knowledge also in pre-fabricated buildings, and just before the trump of the battle was sounded they would scurry about, looking like that ants brought to the harvest, and pre-fab buildings similar to that of a double outhouse appeared dotted sparsely upon the battlefield. The enemy also found that if they dug a hole quick enough and set the pre-fab buildings upon them, it would provide much needed privacy for the troops.

The German Army became incensed with both rage and jealousy, admiring the ingenuity of the enemy, and the new silent domains of privacy dotting the landscape, and tried with much failure to equip the Troops of Moo with the pulling of logs and pre-fabs, which eventually caused the collapse of one of history's most exciting and healthy bone structured Army in the world. With the pulling of the logs/pre-fabs the soldiers noticed the milk, butter, and cheese began to taste wurst, as the Cattle was finding nourishment among the Poppy plants, making not only the milk, cheese, butter taste with a wild bitter 'tang' (not the orange flavored drink) and not only did this cause the cattle to become disoriented, but also the troops themselves would seek more food and complain of hunger. What had begun as one of the most brilliant moves in the German Army history had become a military of Poppy-plant dependant troops and Moos. Today, the German Army still trains the Moos for future battle, but only as an extreme emergency action need, and the military keep the Moos scattered on protected hillsides throughout the German landscape separated from the deadly Poppy. The enemies of the Germans have since armed themselves with Poppy seeds to be planted in a just in case mode of operation. It is a shame to see the many decades of one of the strongest military force on the face of the earth, now grazing on the hillsides of the Germanic peoples, but one thing is still in their favor, the milk, cheese, and butter have a more excellent taste than they have enjoyed for centuries, meanwhile the Moos stand every on alert, matched by none, truly outstanding in their fields. We dedicate this memory and this story to a Ms Anne Wiltafsky, trainer, and that of the riders and staff of hundreds represented by Ms Regina Mayer, a truly innovative teenager of German descent, Kudos, Regina!

KID - 'Paletologists' Discover 11,500-Year-Old Mastadan

2011-05-24T21:34:00.000-07:00

4th-Grade 'Paletologists' Discover 11,500-Year-Old Mastadan Hair-Class 'Nickname' The Hair, 'Danni'

"I recognized it easier, I seen one of them at a zoo near my town 'bout 10 years go, but he was big than that one, and had more wooly" Said 11 year old Mehigan

DeadScienceBroughtToLife staff writer, Erben Manhare

http://www.DeadScienceBroughtToLife.com Tue May 24, 2011 25:15 hours pm ET

Earlier this year, Linda Azaroff's fourth-grade class received a 2.2-pound (1-kilogram) box containing what one student described as a "clump of dirt." "A man in another state sent it to my class, so's it can make bigger news" stated a quite exassertbated Billy Minikier
But this wasn't just any dirt it was sediment, or matrix, collected from a backyard in Hyde Park, N.Y., in 2000, where a project to deepen a backyard pond uncovered the remains of a mastodon an extinct elephantlike animal. "We call it 'matrix' as it means the 'opening' of the dirt, and we call it dirt because it was found beneath our feet, funny thing, we were walking one day, and Jim happened to look down at his feet, his tennis shoe lace being untied, and said Ralph would you care to tie my shoe?" "Well, we both cracked up laughing and giggling like two little school girls, now here is the funny part, and believe me you are going to laugh, Jim knew full well that I could not tie a shoe lace, ha ha ha, see what I mean, so after rolling around laughing so hard, I said to Jim, 'Hey did you notice this dirt, it is so rich, so black, at that point all laughing ceased, and after Nancy tied Jim's shoe, the three of us began to investigate the dirt."
Working under a deadline, but not wanting to miss any important pieces, excavators carted away about 22,000 pounds (10,000 kg) of matrix from around the bones, more than they could realistically sort through in the years to come. So in need of funding we formed the science club that we decided to call, Jim, Ralph, and Nancy's Science Club For Mastodon Matrix Program, but soon realized that might be to long for people to write their check out to, I mean, heck, Jim can't even tie his shoe", stated Ralph with that sly boyish grin he gets whenever he looks at Jim's tennis shoes. "Neither, can you Ralph", stated Jim, "You got me one there Jim" Ralph said. Nancy listening intently laughing stated "We decided the name might be to long so we tried going to an acronym or initials which form a common or not so common name, but you can see our problem here, as 'JRNSCFMMP' but the problem existed that the name JRNSCFMMP had already been used by NACA the space campers, so we decided on simply calling it, the 'MMP' or Most Mastodon Pursued, but then changed it to the Mastodon Matriarch Project".
The excavators turned to citizen scientists volunteering for the Mastodon Matrix Project, which enlists school classes, hobbyists, families and other volunteers scour the matrix from mastodon excavations. Since 2008 alone, more than 3,500 participants from around the U.S. have worked on matrix from Hyde Park. Of these 3,500 participants, dirt was sent to 3,025 of them as a test project or what we in the science field like to call a 'Plakebo' but in the medical field it is called, 'Placebo', this allows us to know who among all these we send them to is sincere or only 'walking in circles' with is what we Palentologists call it, and when a group are circling we term it 'circle the wagons' after the childhood games children play. Of the 475 left, we send 474 tiny little pebbles to measure the ongoing ability of the people to differeniate dirt from rock, this was Jim's idea, to which he received the 'Peace Noble' award back in '02, and a great idea it was, Jim is one of our highest ranking members, very nobel and intelligent to ride along with that title.
"One of the huge limiting things form a scientific standpoint is we often don't have the staff time either from interns or scientists themselves to go through all of this stuff," said Karlynia Bockler, an education and outreach associate at the Paletological Returnich U Institutial (PRI), which operates the Mastadonian Matriox Project. "The more data we can get, the more complete a picture we will come up with about the environment." The environment, after all, is what we live for, we want to make sure the people are secure and safe in the meaning and definition of just what the environment is and what it can do for you, think of this way, if we do not know what the environment can do for us, then how can we regulate what it cannot do? Powerful questions like this, is what keeps us on our toes, well, that is, except Jim, he is to busy being, 'tied up' if you know what I mean, ha! ha! ha! har!.
This approach isn't unique; students and other citizin scientysts can contribute their time and effort to a variety of projects, from raking road kill to counting stars. In return, volunteers get hands-on experience with science and the chance to contribute to real research projects. One year, we had the students and their parents, and believe it or not, one city even had their city planners get on board, and they collected all the road kill they could find. Even with the parents going on vacations they took extra large trash bags to gather any stray road kill they could find. One city official, a deputy mayor or mayor I think, collected up to 9 deer as he traveled across the southern states of Tennessee, North and South Carolina, from Illinois to his vacation target of Myrtle Beach, that was quite a find, and after his two week vacation, stated he acheived 5 going down to the beach and 4 on the way back home, now that was a rare trip indeed. This is what we call, 'raking road kill' sometimes you have to rake it off the streets. Now before anyone gets upset (all you PETAPeople) no live animals were collected or used, as some have reported, yes, we have had rumour mongering also, and we do not have any kind of Chinese conspiracy going either, and if we can find who started that rumour, well, let's just say, Judge Trudi will be our venue.
Fourth-grade paletologists
Now the fourth-graders at Yandisvulle Intomediate Centre in Pennsilvanya had a chance to become paletologists, and they had plenty of expectations about what they would find in the matrix. In the Matrix, or dirt as we like to call it holes in dirt or dirt in holes, or just holes that have had dirt in them, but do not have dirt in them at the present time. "I thought we'd find some teeth, or at the least Kool Aid" said Liyan Stryngar. "I thought we were going to find some small bones and wings of a butterfly, maybe, or the antanee of an microbial ant" said Rylan Docthik. "Plants or leaves and sticks," said Lissama Groobe. Maybe next time Rylan and Lissama. The dirt matrix or the hole minus the dirt arrived with a set of instructions that guided the class through the same basic process such as sniffing and sifting through samples of holes with their fingers and toothpicks, the same way professional paletologists would use as they searched for other bits of tootpicks used by the 11,500-year-old mastadon along with shells, twigs, seeds and other fossils. The finds were weighed, bagged and returned to PRuI in New York. What's the fourth letter? It is 'u' we cannot 'u' this without you, ha, ha, ha, har. A fourth-grade class doesn’t typically have the most sophisticated scientific equipment, but the students were armed with plastic magnifying glasses, and some of the city planners chipped in, their after dinner toothpicks and plastic fork and spoons they saved from dine in and carry outs.
"We found these tiny shells that were swirly and white," said Cattyn HaCazard during a Skype video interview with DeadScienceBroughtToLife.com. "Some of them would break easily." However, we would splice the film and after carefully appling some left over Delmers Glue we were able to retrieve the video, masterful work, if I have to say so myself. "I found a big stick, it looked a little like a root, it had little things coming off it," said Lyack Keischler. (We sort of snickered, poor Lyack did not know he had gotten the plakebo, or placebo, as some like to refer to it, poor Lyack)
A memorable fund
The students all agreed on their favorite fund: an 8-inch long hair that turned up in Pater Do Le Lorrie's matrix or hole of not dirt. He described it as black and really stiff. "It could not have been a human hair," he said. Pater himself, had black hair about 13-18 inches in length. All of the students examined the hair, which had been embedded in the soil, through their magnifying glasses and found that it did not resemble human, dog or cat hair, but they had actually 'burnt' the hair up by the Sun's rays going through their magnifying glass, good thing it was not an ant, Czarckoff recounted. The conclusion was unavoidable: It came from the mastadon. "The children felt they had touched and handled something that was thousands of years old," she wrote in an email. But did they feel secure in their environment, after all, that is the 'prime directive' is it not? Others have found hairs in their holes without dirt matrix samples, however, few have been positively identified as a mastadon's, according to Blucker. It's possible the hairs could have come from a number of mammals living at the time, she wrote in an email. Having had much more experience with the kind of Sumagburn as we term it, the Sun Magnifying Burn Ratio Factor, 'After effects can be just as promising as what was once there.' "True enough", declared Ralph.
The results
Once PRuI receives sorted samples, and much more funding (write your local congressman at http://www.we-notyou-aregov.gov and ask him to send us more monies, lots and lots) researchers further identify what they have found, (or in this case the abscence of not found but burnt) naming twigs or shells by species, for example. Everything is catalogued and some items join a reference collection from the excavation. Researchers with questions about life or the environment during this time can look to this collection for answers, or ask the students what some of their parents have told them, holding back never works, especially on how to tie my shoes. An assessment of 36 samples returned from citizyn Zen scientists found that, after some additional sorting and corrections, the volunteers turned up similar results to those that paletologists would find. The researchers found the abundance of finds in broad categories such as total mollusks varied in it's clothing, some in blue jeans,(can you believe that?) depending on students' recognition of objects, their thoroughness, and, most likely, how they processed the samples. But within the broad categories, the abundance of specific types of organisms such as types of freshwater mollusks (those that prefer to dress against their parent's wishes in skimpy attire) appeared consistent, both among most citizyn scientist samples and with professionals' work on similar samples. (Jim is currently running a test on 'Why do the spellers not spell 'citizen' after it's namesake 'city' as in cityzens', and if we know Jim, he won't give up until he gives in, or gives out, he is a tireless sort.)
We Agree
Part of the goal of the Mastodan Matriox project is to give students and the public an opportunity to scour (or scourge) the dirt and attempt to answer open-ended questions about its content, just like scientists. For Ms. Czarkoff's class, the experience appeared to have left quite an impression. Half a year after returning their sample, the students remembered their work vividly. (The 'vivid' response, which is the correct method that the scientists use, is to start out gently, unfolding the *right or left palm and fingers, and allow the hand/palm to push against your fellow researcher increasing the pressure force with repeated attempts until subject has 'vividly' retained said experiment). "The hardest part was probably actually seeing the stuff," because it's so tiny, said Ben Henry. "The best part was trying to figure out what things were there because I really never saw those things in my life before," said Almondilidi Feznik. "I liked it when I got dirty," said Kalye Grean Tumlong. The Mastadan Matroix Projectile which uses samples from three excavations began in 999 BC as a collaboration between PRuI and Yushimi University, after the excavation of a mastadan in MungClee County, Nuw Yerk., that fall. "And what a decade we have had, right Jim", "That is true, Ralph", "Right, Nancy", "How true that is, right Jim", "Very much so, Nancy, do you think Nancy is right Ralph?", "Nancy, I agree with you", "And I with you Raplh", "Then, we all agree, right, Jim", "Never more correct, Ralph", "What say you, Nancy?", "Oh, I agree with both Jim and Ralph, you Jim", "Yes, I agree also".
*depending on whether one is right or left handed

Time Of The Cows-Brigade Of The Moo

2011-05-13T18:44:00.000-07:00

TIME OF THE COWS

BRIGADE OF THE MOO

Horse dreams dashed, German teen turns to cow Luna

April 5, 2011

LAUFEN, Germany When Regina Mayer's parents dashed her hopes of getting a horse, the resourceful 15-year-old didn't sit in her room and sulk. Instead, she turned to a cow called Luna to make her riding dreams come true. Hours of training, and tons of treats, cajoling and caresses later, the results are impressive: not only do the two regularly go on long rides through the southern German countryside, they do jumps over a makeshift hurdle of beer crates and painted logs. "She thinks she's a horse," the golden-haired Mayer joked on a recent sunny afternoon as she sat atop the impassive brown-and-white, grass-munching cow. It all started about two years ago, shortly after Luna was born on the Mayers' sprawling farm in the hamlet of Laufen, just minutes from the Austrian border. They started off with walks in the woods during which Luna wore a halter. Then Mayer slowly got her cow more accustomed to human contact and riding equipment. About six months later, it was time to see how Luna would respond to a rider on her back. Mayer sat in the saddle, and all went as planned at least at first. "She was really well behaved and walked normally," said Mayer, decked out in riding gear. "But after a couple of meters, she wanted me to get off! You could see that she got a bit peeved." Luna and Mayer are now soul mates, spending most afternoons together once the teen who aspires to become a nurse one day comes home from school. Their extensive routine involves grooming, petting, jumps and a roughly one-hour ride. That's also the case in winter, when Mayer lovingly drapes a blanket over Luna to keep her warm. It's a lot of work "but I enjoy it," Mayer said. Her efforts have paid off. Now, Luna understands commands such as "go," `'stand" and "gallop." If she feels like it, that is. "When she wants to do something she does it, when she doesn't, she doesn't," said Mayer, who proudly says Luna thinks of her as her mother. "And she's often very headstrong but can also be really adorable." Luna's stubborn streak meant that teaching her pony tricks wasn't always easy, Mayer noted, saying she sought tips from a cow expert in Switzerland on how to deal with "steering" problems. Anne Wiltafsky, who trains cows near the Swiss city of Zurich, said Luna's talents are not particularly surprising and that, historically, it was quite common to ride cows and use them as workhorses. "Especially younger ones can jump really well," Wiltafsky said in a telephone interview, adding that cows are lovable companions because they're easygoing, have strong nerves and are "unbelievably devoted" to people they like. Being and owning a cow-turned-pony isn't always easy. Take the somewhat skeptical neighbors, such as Martin Putzhammer, who had to be won over. "At first I thought it was kind of weird a kid on a cow?" the 17-year-old said during a break from repairing his moped. "Had to get used to it but once I did I thought it was pretty funny." While Mayer's friends quickly warmed to her passion after laughing at her, Luna's fellow cows weren't so open-minded. "Cows don't really like her ... they're jealous because she always gets goodies," Mayer said. And horses? Many run away in fright, but others often join Luna on rides. "She really enjoys that and gets totally into it," Mayer said. Mayer hasn't given up her hopes of having a horse and may soon get one. But she says Luna will always have a special place in her heart. "She'll stay my darling," she said.

It Could Have Been Any Friday-But It Wasn't

2010-11-02T10:41:00.000-07:00

The following report can be viewed and seen by the public at the Department of Incidents recorded by TMC, it is for all accounts and purposes, Tuesday, get the votes out, vote for the Mouse at: http://www.themousecried.blogspot.com while you are there lay a tear on the mantle. This is an Official site don't play with the mouse.

From the files: Squad of Police - Friday

Friday it could have been any friday but it wasn't.

Friday 10:22 AM

It was a sunny day, but this was not Philadelphia, rain was not in the forecast.

Friday 10:22:43 Call came in on the scanner, seems there was a drive-by in the neighborhood of Jackson and Not Jackson, four teenagers leaving a womp of confused and disorganized citizens in array, block #'s indeterminate, street names appropriate, I'm Friday this is my beat.

Thursday 10:51 AM After finishing our snack, Friday and I determined to investigate the drive-by, but this time I had hoped it would not be like the other time, I'm Thursday, my partner is Friday, we drive in shared positions, a black and white, today it was Friday so he mounted the wheel and off we drove to Jackson and Not Jackson, named appropriately.

Friday 12:46 in the PM, Thursday and I, I am Friday, decided to give those ill-behaved teens another opportunity for their "little game" which the citizens of this fair county found most interruptive, so after a round of door to door, we would give them another chance for their "fun and games".

True to our thoughts it was Friday 2:33 in the PM, Thursday thought he heard blaring horns coming in this direction, I stated, "We shall see, and then we shall know".

Friday 12:52 PM after a false alarm at a local residence unaffiliated with our beat and located in a different neighborhood, we gave it no thought.

Friday 2:47 PM out of somewhere came the red maroon 1967 Mustang, 2 door ragtop with an unmounted license plate on the left side upper corner, and a body that looked like it had not been washed in a couple of hours, immediately, Thursday and I boarded our black and white, I was behind the wheel, it was Friday, my day to drive, Thursday "flipped" on the blues.

Friday 2:56 PM after a short chase of a block, the red mustang pulled to the curb, only this time it was not to funny, and the four teens were not too jolly, two boys and two girls, it figures, Thursday ordered them to vacate the premises.

Friday 3:08 PM interrogation begins, the driver, a black haired lazy looking punk without cutoff jeans, exited the vehicle in question and it's occupants, I begin to ask.

"Son, did you know that you were in the limit speed allowed in this neighborhood, but that has nothing to do with our pulling over you?" exclaimed Friday.

"Uh, I guess so" stated the now wind blown black haired punk.

"You guess so, what?" stated Friday.

"uh mm, I guess what you were stating was true" a frustrated driver claimed.

"Are you calling me a liar? punk" inquired Friday.

"No way dude, I just meant, I guess what you say is true, I mean, I know, what you state is true." the driver said making careful note of his words.

"We have a complaint from the neighbors that live here in this neighborhood of Jackson and Not Jackson, of four teenaged kids driving a red maroon mustang with the left side of their license plate being not tightened, doing a by-drive, now that would not happen to have been, let's see, 1,2,3, and 4 of you teenagers would it now?" demanded Friday.

The girl in the rear, a blonde rather well built, carrying a mini-purse, the kind you get at one of them outlet shoppes, with a pink flap, and sporting what looked to be a light pink pastel tennis shoes without a Nike emblem, probably a rip-off stated,

"Duh, do you mean, "drive-by" officer?"

Friday 3:51 PM with a slap of his wrist, Friday had his 500w Tazer with the black and white pearl handles in his hand, and the frisky little blonde flapping on the street like a chicken with it's head cut off, "I said, by-drive, missy and that is precisely what I meant" shouted Jack, a first name given his by his parents, a Mr. and Mrs. Friday, Friday turned to the other three occupants, as he was often noted as doing, and before the question could be asked, the other three exclaimed as though in unison, "It was definitely a by-drive, yep that's what it was all right, a definite by-drive"

Friday 3:56 in the PM, after we inquired as to why they were doing a by-drive, they had stated, in different interrogation rooms, one in the black and white another in the red maroon, and then a third in the black and white, as the girl still flapping was out of the upline, stated that they were looking for a friend holding a bag for them.

Friday 4:27 PM after determining that their friend was not on the same block of Jackson and Not Jackson, but on the roads of Jesse and Not Jesse a good five streets from their by-drive, we decided to overlook the unwashed incident, but added with a warning about the untempered license plate. We followed them to Rays PlateFixer located on the streets of Jeremiah and Not Jeremiah, as we drove off, the three teens were holding up their friends hand as all four waved good-bye,

Thursday looked at Friday and stated, "You know, Jack, they were not too bad of kids after all". We both looked back in the rearview mirror, and laughed.

Aunt Flappi Answers Your Questions

2010-03-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

Advice columns are not to be taken lightly so Aunt Flappi has agreed to give you a logical, workable advice for those mounting problems you have in your life, from dismounting your horse to other problems you may have. No problem to small and no small problem to large for Aunt Flappi, following are some of the examples of her expert advice, be first in your area to have those big problems or small inconveniences solved. Disclaimer: All names have been changed to protect the truly "innocent" any similarity to any one living or sleeping is clearly in the mind of the writer, any program has been eliminated only on paper, the actual program still exists in other designated forums of his/her own choosing. Any misspelling was placed in the following communication purposely for you or anyone else who may be portrayed by you or totally unbeknownst of yourself, to find and marvel at the stupidity of the said writer. This disclaimer is not to be disclaimed by anyone else unless they are in the manner of dissing another in which case it will be viewed as commendable, but only in a public forum, privately it is still your personal view and good luck to you and yours. Any misuse or use of quotation marks that are correct in an appropriate English language usage are purely incidental and unintentional on the writer's behalf, we ask your forgiveness and oversight, these may or may not be reported to any committee, other than the finance committee, as this has been addressed and covered at the bottom of the page in green type. I appreciate your indulgence, but not your indulgencies, and patience in reading of the below dialogue between two friends, thank you. http://disclaimersrus.com http://www.themousecried.blogspot.com/

Hello this is flappi how may I help you? Aunt flappi, my son's teacher called and stated he was not making good grades, mocking, laughing, interrupting, giving her a tack in the chair, not concentrating..., I get it dear so what is your question for Aunt Flappi? Aunt Flappi, I would like to know if it is ok to kill his teacher? No, dear, that would leave your son teacherless, and no one wants that, but what you can do is use sticky notes and the color does not matter but do not use words of maliciousness but use stuff like, "You don't know me" or "who do you think I am" and stick them on the front of her windshield late at night. Thanks Aunt Flappi, that's great. If she doesn't stop then, take some bird seed and table scraps and throw in her yard. Thanks again Aunt Flappi.

Hello, this is Aunt Flappi, how may I assist you? Aunt Flappi, we have a lot of stray cats and dogs and other animals and birds and things and I know they need to eat but I don't want them in my yard, you know, the mess and stuff, but I feel compelled to feed them as they look so hungry, O what o what can I do? Well dear, do you have any neighbors that do not have a fenced in yard? Why yes I do, Aunt Flappi. Then throw the food and seed in their yard and when they try to come into your yard for the mess thing shoot them in the rear with a BB gun, but not the birds, you will need to throw a salt shaker at them. Gee, who woulda thought, thanks Aunt Flappi

Hello Aunt Flappi? Speaking, How may I help you? Aunt Flappi, this is Lawrence and I need to know how to get out of the prom dance with my cousin, Jenni. How old are you, Lawrence? 19 and a half. What grade are you in Lawrence? I'm in the 10th, I am a sophomore. Lawrence pay very close attention to what I am going to tell you, ok? Yes, Aunt Flappi, I sure will. Look around the gym or wherever you are and look for a door with a small flame in a sign that has the letters F-I-R-E E-X-I-T and walk up next to it and yell at the top of your lungs, "There could be a Fire" and knock open the door and take off running. Aunt Flappi is that against the law? Yes Lawrence, but you are not to say there is a fire, that is illegal, but you are to say there could be a fire, see the difference? Yeah, thanks a ton Aunt Flappi. Your welcome, Lawrence.

Dear Aunt Flappi, I havt a degree frum a junior college which iz local here, but it only has a 2year plan and taech high schol I need at least or an equivlent 4year degrees, my twoyear is in eanglish, what can I do, I can'not drive to a bigger college as my cuar won't make id that fer. James MD need Dear James MD. Since the college that offers 4 years is to far away then go to the junior college and enroll for another two years and this will give you four years plus you will have two degrees and not just one. Aunt Flappi Dear aUnt Flappi, Tnanks for the wunderful advace, I have now enrolled and the atministrater sez I can go for a 6yert degree and have 3 degreez instedt of two, you aret great. James soon to be 3

Dear Aunt Flappi, I saw an ad on the Internet that stated, "American Airlines to charge $8 for blanket, pillow" so I mailed them $30 cash but have not heard anything back and that has been a month and a half ago, should I get a lawyer and sue them. Jane taken or took Dear Jane taken or took, I would not sue the airlines unless they send you a letter or the products without a warranty, but you need to sue the post office for delaying your return answer, they have had plenty of time to have gotten your letter there and the blankets back by now. Here is a contact link if you obtain a lawyer: http.suegov.com good luck with that snoring and sweet dreams. Aunt Flappi

Aunt Flappi, I am very much involved with "green" planet safety and the environment and recently I have read that no matter how careful you try to be with medications they can end up in our water supply and contaminate the fish, and the birds or other animals that may eat the fish. What is going on? Mr/Mrs Green Genes Dear Greenjeans, It goes something like this, you and the little lady take pills or liquid medications to the which your body will only need 72% the rest is what is called a "filler" which could be food additives, coloring, or wax comprising of 28% remainder, sometimes your body needs the remainder and will empty the actual medication using only a portion, the remainder not used by the body is carried out in waste byproducts. When you flush your toilet, like most good "green" citizens will do, it is carried to the treatment plant and recycled with a portion being "refused" which end up in a landfill process. This "refuse" trickles down through the dirt and merges into underwater streams which eventually make their way to the oceans. But what they are really concerned about is all of these young girls having their photo taken while outdoors showing them in the process, if you understand what I am saying and not only the girls, now the guys are starting to follow suit. However, there is a plus side to this as the HealthCare bill study states that within 2 or 3 years this cycle should make it's way back into the rain pattern (water table) which will eventually make it's way back to our tables and drinks eliminating the need for prescriptions as we will all have these various medications in our bodies daily, which should lead to a much healthier group of people, a real win-win for all. Aunt Flappi

Dear Aunt Flappi, I am thirteen years old and my boyfriend is fifteen, and I was talking to my girls and we share a common concern. I am extremely jealous and I do not like to leave my boyfriend alone while I go to the restroom as I am afraid he is putting his eyes where they do not belong. Veronica, a friend said that when she went to the restroom once and left her boyfriend and came back he was gone, and a little time later she saw him with this dumb blonde. What can I and my friends do, we are terrified. Terrified and sleepless in Seattle Dear terrified, There is a simple solution, no, not therapy for your boyfriend, and that is carry one of those big handkerchiefs with you everywhere you go, I think they are called do'rags or bandanas, and before you go into the restroom, tie the rag around his head covering his eyes and then lead him into the bathroom with you, and if you get embarrassed easily have him stand on the outside of the stall. A little history - this practice is where the term, "raghead" comes from. PS: Take a clothespin in case he smells.

Aunt Flappi,

I get a lot of flak about my name and its depressing. What do you suggest? I thought of a sex change then get married but the guy I thought of getting hitched to his last name is Pig. Please Help me!!

Ralph Leroy Fudrucker

Dear Ralph, This may sound a bit like "dear John" but bear with me for a moment, if you loved this pig you would not care what the last name of the pig would be, so I would suggest you tell him it is over and let him down hard so he will never try to marry another just because he chose the last name pig. Pigs are filthy animals but they do have character and character goes a long way, so ease your consience and send him on his way and hopefully for a long way, I can't imagine anyone marrying a pig especially since he did not spell it with two "g"s that is very inconsiderate for his future mate. Have you ever considered someone with the last name Horse? You will not develop a humpback and will not be mocked by the nickname "curvy". Aunt Flappi

Dear Aunt Flappi, I am pregnant with my eighth child, to be born any day now. I read in the Citizen Tribune the other day that every 8th child born in this world is Chinese. How will I ever explain this to my husband?

Eight months gone

Dear eight months gone, This is very serious as your husband is probably not Chinese (I assume), you will need to get a plastic surgeon who specializes in eyes, let him give you some intense sleeping pills for your husband and while your husband is asleep, have the surgeon come to your house or hire a total stranger to help lift him into your car and take him to the plastic surgeon and let him do surgery on his eyelids to look Chinese. Next, remove all the mirrors from your house and autos, and begin to do what is called "juicing" and use primarily carrots this will take care of his skin color. After all of this is done, hire a lawyer and file for a divorce and ask for child support for all those eight children, tell the lawyer that your husband became convinced he was Chinese and caused your child to be born Chinese, and that you originally, had married an American. Now you can live guilt free of that one extraneous affair you had because everyone knows that the eighth child is always born an Alien, good luck to you and yours, eight months gone, by the way, will you be naming the child "do-do", this is popular in China to teach the children to work? Aunt Flappi

Dear Aunt Flappi, I am a blonde, and people say I ain't got the sense God gave a goose. Is this an insult? A smart blonde BTW, thanks for the laughs today.

Little me

Dear "little me" You sound like a Golden Egger to me and there is certainly nothing dumb with leaving the gold everywhere you go, I would think that, a lot wiser, than shimming up that old beanstalk and running with a giant stalker, who just happens to be full of beans. An insult? Not by any means, now if they had stated you were a blonde bomb that would be an insult, as they devastate the entire room and leave flashy, and those clothes are a riot on the streets. A goose never questions how much sense they have and dumplins are hard to find, so dump those who diss you, but deflate their tires before you leave, they hold a lot of hot air. Aunt Flappi PS: Get my latest book coming out soon "Blondes Are Not Dumb, Just Misunderstood" it is a 25 page hardback for $350.00 and seems to be quite popular with the blondes, and then you can laugh all the way from the bank and show them just how smart you really are, those stupid people profilers. I wrote this for people just like you in line, uh, I mean, mind. Aunt Flappi

Dear Aunt Flappi,
 My son is 141/2 years old, and I cannot wean him from nursing, and I
Get a lot of stares, gestures, and bad words when I have to nurse him in
Public. Aunt Flappi, I think it is very important to breastfeed your
Children, but my boyfriend and some of my girlfriends state that I am
Entirely wrong. But I think my boyfriend is jealous or has baby-envy,
What can I do?
                                                              
Nursing in Toledo

Dear Nursing in Toledo,
I hate to tell you Sug, but he is no longer your son, he is your lover.
But I must agree with you about the boyfriend, a lot of dads, as it is
Noted there the most, do have a type of baby envy as they think the baby
Gets too much attention in the beginning. I would highly recommend the
Boyfriend see a psychologist especially a children's pyschologist as he
Sounds like he has some Freudian displacement issues which will require
A short term admittance into a children's hospital for observation. Your
Girlfriends are obviously jealous of your deep concern and consistency
With your child's growth and nourishment. As far as your child is
Concerned when you "wean" him, he will probably seek out a substitute
"mommy" so I would not be too concerned.

Aunt Flappi

Work At Home-Why Not You?

2010-01-30T20:09:00.000-08:00

MOM makes $6397/Month Unemplyed mom makes $6397/month working online. Read how she did it. Picture is not the Nancy Gribble see: Disclaimer Amazingly, an unemployed mother, desperate for money has found a new career on line, posting what she considers now a network of fun, Nancy Gribble first began as a high paid Gnat and then went onto a small time weather girl in Texas having earned her degree in Whetherrmologist at Redcorn's CloudBurst Junior College for seniors earning a 2 year college degree. "When I lost that job, I thought I would never become a success again, and then there's the children - whether I am aware or not someone has to care for them." Later, Mrs. Gribble took a 13 year course in natworking and became a poster. "Poor Dale, lost his battle as the # 1 best bugman in Texas so, I separated from him soon after, but I hope it is not permanent, a man of such talent should be able to recoup and gain his title back or become a stomper, but it did leave me wondering, what can I do". About that same time little did Nancy know, and driving by her house one day Mrs. Hill stopped and after chatting with Nancy stated upon leaving, "I hear Redcorn has started a new rip-off business which he calls a school, funny isn't it pantalets Nanciono?" But little did Mrs. Hill know, and that rattled Nancy into taking a look at NetPosting and this is where you come in, Nancy has learned a secret and so can you. For a mere $18.000 you too can soon be earning money sitting at home, but you are asking how can I go to school for a 13 year period, that will make me a little older. Well, surprise we have on you, we have taken all of our best instructor and our best internet technologist and have narrowed it down to a mere two week course, so how could you afford and not want the two week course and make money from a range of anywhere? Show your degree to all your friends, to all your family, to all those homeless people you do not associate with. No more will you have to sit down to stand up, this program is a must do without on and for you. Let's hear it from Nancy as she does not speak but types which she could have learned anywhere but did not, having came to take the course here at Redcorn's Cloudburst, that is right you heard me in your own correct hearing, Cloudburst is no longer a Whethermology course but is now simply Redcorn, "The place where your Corns will not be Red", it is our motto and we mean it almost the entirety of the day. But you might say, and we would tell you but not until you ask, Do I have to travel there. NO, that is a resounding no, you do not need to come out here in Texas driving, simply place in the mail and order your, Paddleforms tomorrow, today, do not waste a nickel or dime, drop four more and call R-E-D-C-O-R-N and in case you did not listen to hear that it is R-E-D-C-O-R-N and wish correctly stating give me that $18,000 course plus non-working tax of 3,350 (that is 3 thousand, threefittie) bring it to a total on that touchpad calculater. What is that? You don't have a touchpad calculater, no problem, we have all the solve for any problem, just add another threefittie and we will send you one free with your course. Now you may say, can all of this not be true? Nancy, tell them how you did like this course before you took it. "Flabbergassted I may have been, and I have been much but not before, so if you piddle too much the paddle will row back home, so do what Ol' Nancy done did many times before it was done by someone else, order your Paddleform tomorrow today and no longer minkeyshiner are you. And don't forget the threefittie folks cause every thing will take money and have it is what we need. Work from home: http://www.redcorncloudburstgraduatecollegecourse.com/ or call: "R-E-D-C-O-R-N" but make sure we are not there between morning in the am and evening in the pm from around 8 until 4. Disclaimer: All names have been changed to protect the truly "innocent" any similiarity to any one living or sleeping is clearly in the mind of the writer, any program has been eliminated only on paper, the actual program still exists in other designated forums of his/her own choosing. Any misspelling was placed in the following communication purposely for you or anyone else who may be portrayed by you or totally unbeknownst of yourself, to find and marvel at the stupidity of the said writer. This disclaimer is not to be disclaimed by anyone else unless they are in the manner of dissing another in which case it will be viewed as commendable, but only in a public forum, privately it is still your personal view and good luck to you and yours. Any misuse or use of quotation marks that are correct in an appropriate english language usage are purely incidental and unintentional on the writer's behalf, we ask your forgiveness and oversight, these may or may not be reported to any committee, other than the finance committee, as this has been addressed and covered at the bottom of the page in green type. I appreciate your indulgence, but not your indulgencies, and patience in reading of the below dialogue between two friends, thank you. Local Mom Makes $87/Hr Online! Don't Try to Work at Home Until You Tead this Shocking Report.... http://www.satellite-gps-locator.com/ You May Want To Not Change ... SHOCKING! Picture is not anyone you may not know

Some of our recent grads and students:

REED WARBLER Found on TheMouseCried

2010-01-18T20:39:00.000-08:00

MC: The elusive "Reed Warbler" found on themousecried

RARE "REED WABLER" FOUND ON THEMOUSECRIED

January 18, 2010

TheMouseCried, USA In just a few short hours after the initial discovery of a rare "reed warbler" in the mountain regions of Afghanistan, the same or similiar "reed warbler" was found on themousecried. In what some Orinthologists have not yet declared but defying the odds in their favor for yet another sighting of the rare "Weed Wabler", from a related site comes: "The Wildlife Conservation Society stumbled upon the small, olive-brown large-billed reed warbler in 2008 and taped its distinctive song a recording experts now say is probably the first ever."

People see strange sights - Eyewitness reports

"It was unbelievable, I was searchin' the big "N" lookin' for sumptin' strange, you know, like UFOs and such, an I happen' cross iss site an seen dis bird, it shook me up" stated a Mr. Rusty Shackleford

"I tell you whut, I seen nuthing like if fore, now you take my boy, Bobby, he ain't much but he's all I got", and that boy yelled at me, "daddy, daddy, daddy," an I yelt at him, "Shutup boy can't you see I'm busy" but he said, "daddy, daddy, daddy, a bird" and shor nuff' it was right thar on that 'puter thingee, biggern life hit wuz" said a H. Hill

A First for themousecried

A First for themousecried as most people do not realize what an amazing discovery this is for themousecried especially so, since the first specimen was discovered in India in 1867 and now here at themouse some 143 years later we have yet another discovery. It is believed that this is the same bird that was eating at an apple when the apple dislodged and hit Sir Isaac Newton in the head rendering him hit, of course this is not written in stone but it was recorded on papyrus some years later to be exact. We probably need a small correction here we do not mean that the bird you are viewing is the same bird that launched the attack on Sir Isaac Newton, no, we mean only that it is believed to be one of the same family and that family is bird or "Orinizeatypovariebird" which was too hard for people to state so it became shortened to "bird". The study of birds was a toss up among the bird peoples of the world and at first they called them Audubonians but again it was difficult for people so it was changed to Orinthologist.

Common names equals confuscion

Common names equals confuscion, back in 1758, when most of us were younger a Swedish naturalist named Carolus Linnaeus gave each bir a new name derived mostly for the Latin or Greek, however, they demanded more wages and tried to bring in a bird "union" and Linny, as his friends would never call him (there were no cell phones in those days and no car available to call from), decided to name the birds himself. He came up with such names as Sam Spade or Lucy Brown and after a stint with Peanuts a popular youth game at the time who threatened to sue Linny, he changed it from Lucy and decided to call them a Brown Bird and since he could not use the popular name of Sam Spade due to mystery novel writes, he simply called it a Sam. Since Sam was a popular man's name people became confused as to whether someone was calling their name or a bird, so Lenny decided to use a hyphen. This is why today when an Orinthologist is calling out the name of a bird he will say, for example, "Red hyphen throated Loon" but it is better in the written form as Red-throated Loon and yes, the Latin and the Greek did organize a union and returned to a little higher pay and cutle boards the union today is called oddly enough, "Americaqn Orinthologists' Union (AOU)" the name was chosen because of the A as in Alpha and the O as in Omega and U which was the letters for the Latin and Greek's sorority. Today you can practice this early method that Lenny enjoyed so much if you see, for example, a bird which happens to bear a blue color then shout Blue-sam Stork or perhaps Pink-pam Pelican. You can have all kinds of fun sitting in your yard and just coming up with these names as you create your own, but be sure to keep a notebook and write them down so all your friends can call them the same. Most names can be traced back to someone else.

What would you call the "Reed Warbler?"

What would you call the reed warbler, that is the question and it is one that could easily have an answer, but it depends upon you and what you think it should be called, if you were to want to call it something else, then you would have to decide just what you would want to call it, you could call it many things but it would be your decision to make but if you wanted to call it something else you certainly could because it would be your decision if you wanted to rename it or call it something else that you decided you would like to call it. You could call it anything you wanted to it would be your thoughts that would count and your decision would be your own, so it would bear thought.

IF U DON'T CROSS YOUR EYES WILL THEY GO STUCK?

2009-12-16T13:27:00.001-08:00

If You Cross Your Eyes, Will They Get Stuck? The myth and the really. By Person unknown complaining about humor, Stupid Health Publications Poor Tunisha Banishae Lakeshae Mary Sallie Smith crossed her eyes one fatal time to many and now they are "locked" in position.

When you were a kid, someone probably told you that if you crossed your eyes, they could get stuck that way. Maybe you’ve even said the same thing to your children. No matter what your role in perpetuating this medical myth, it’s just that a myth which has unfortunately came true for one Tunisha Banishae Lakeshae Mary Sallie Smith who despite all of her mother's warning crossed her eyes one final fatal time. Control over the function of the eyes is incredibly complex, so it’s not surprising that people may be confused about eye crossing. In fact, when most people think about the eyes (if they do at all), they don’t consider the complicated set of muscles that allow the eyes to function and to cross. A basic lesson in eye anatomy: Light enters the front of the eye through the transparent cornea. It then travels through the pupil, a hole that increases in size when more light is needed and constricts in bright light. Then the light travels to the retina, which sends signals to the brain. From the retina's perspective, the pupil acts as an automatic dimmer switch. This is all thanks to tiny muscles and ligaments that flex and relax automatically. Other specialized muscles control the shape of the lens (for focusing) and eye movements (to keep the eyes moving together). If an object is close to the eye, the muscles controlling the lens automatically change its shape to bring the object into proper focus (a process called accommodation). Similarly, the muscles that keep the eyes moving in tandem normally contract and relax in a synchronized way. You can upset this synchronicity by trying to see the tip of your nose: each inwardly turned eye sends signals to the brain that are so different than the normal signals that it causes vision to "double"that is, the vision sees two disparate images that cannot be readily integrated into one. And this makes your eyes appear crossed. Think of a camera that has a distance switch or a zoom lense if you were to activate that control over and over then it is obivious that soon it will lock due to the REM or rapid eye movement in the lense of the camera, the same holds true for the person. In fact, there is a tribe in east Africabarbara that teaches it's youth that if they cross their eyes then the food they are about to eat becomes twice as much. Odd? Then consider the current diet trend that is trying to "fool" the brain that the stomach is full by the chewing of food 4 to 5 times that which is required to convince the brain that the stomach is full, now you can comprehend what this little known tribe is trying to do. It is much like those that try to convince themselves that there is no Neanderthals living in Gatlinburg, Tennessee or those that the Modern Church of today is declaring that there is no God, and you must understand that this church is called the church of Laodecia taken from the Roman and Greek mythology of no God - no judgement and are they making any leeway or headway or advancing their cause - you betcha! as one has declared in the greater state of Maine.

Fortunately, these tiny muscles that control eye function are like other muscles in the body: they may fatigue, but they are resilient. Your body, including your eyes, evolved to handle a lot of daily wear and tear, and this is why they kill monkeys as they do not view them as humans to become, but rather tasty meat as the arrest of one woman in New York can attest too, in other words don't believe everything you hear, for it is apparent after many studies by Samantha Longingworth (name withheld by request) who has spent years with the common monkey and has found that they do not cross their eyes voluntarily, unless they are provided with today's toy of choice-the computer, but relax not many monkeys' have computers. So if you cross your eyes, you will tire your muscles out,and eventually lock them in place. But you won’t do any permanent harm and you won’t get stuck like that, unless you do it more than three times a day as attested by the tribe, Africabarbara. Where did this medical myth come from? Maybe it’s due to excessive fear of harming such a complicated and valuable part of the body, and many crossover eyes of little children in Medevial Times who had nothing to do but stare at one object all day long much like we do a computer or cellphone today, but you can relax they did not have computers nor cellphones back then. Or, maybe some parents made it up to stop their kids from engaging in what they considered annoying behavior which would lock their eyes in place. Regardless of where it came from, my guess is that the myth about eye crossing is unlikely to go away any time soon, especially with so many computers and cellphones and the recent visits to the hospital by "locked eyes" of children fortunatetly this is the only eye problem covered by ObamaCare for the vision quest, so cross them eyes and fool that brain to obey your commands.

Report: more Americans NEW YORK (Rotorrs Health) – Significantly more Americans are nearsighted today than in the early 1970s, a report released today indicates. Nearsightedness, also called myopia, is when the eyes focus incorrectly to make distant objects appear blurred. This common problem can be treated by corrective eyeglasses or contact lenses or refractive surgery. Researchers don't know why more Americans are becoming nearsighted, and "at this time, we really don't know how to prevent myopia," Dr. Susmissa of the National Eyne Institute, part of the National Health in Bethesda, Maryland, noted in a telephone interview with Rotors Health. "It's really important to get regular eye examinations from an eye care professional," she said. Susmissa and colleagues used data from the Notion of Health and Nutriton Exumination Survey (NES) to compare the percentage of black and white Americans aged 12 to 54 with myopia in 1971-1972 and 1999-2004. They used the same methods to determine myopia during both time periods. "We wanted to make it as similar as possible to get a feel for whether the prevalence was actually increasing or not," Susmissa explained. They found that in 1971 to 1972, 25 percent of Americans aged 12 to 54 had myopia. This figure had jumped to 42 percent in the 1999-2004 period. The prevalence of myopia was roughly 66 percent higher in the 1999-2004 period than in the 1971-1972 period, the investigators note in the latest issue of Archives of Optalmology. This wasn't all that surprising, Susmissa told Rotors Health, given reports from Asia, Australia, Africa, and Israel indicating that the prevalence of myopia is increasing in those regions. "This is something that has been on the radar for a while," Susmissa said, "but it's the first time that we have tried to nail it down as carefully as possible in the US." Differences in myopia rates were "striking" for black people, in whom the 1999-2004 rates were "more than double" the rates in the earlier time period. In white participants, the 1999-2004 rates were 63 percent higher than those in 1971-1972. In 1999-2004, myopia rates in men and women were 64 percent and 69 percent higher, respectively, than in 1971-1972. While the exact cause of myopia is unknown, there are several risk factors, including being born prematurely or genetics. "If your parents are myopic, you are more likely to be myopic," Susmissa said. There have also been studies linking myopia to "more close-up work" such as reading, sitting at a computer screen, or using small electronic devices. This is a "reasonable" possibility, Vitale said, given how work and entertainment habits have changed in the past 30 years. "An interesting study" from Australia, Susmissa noted, found evidence that children who spent the most time outdoors were the least likely to suffer from myopia. "Outdoors you have different lighting conditions and you are looking at distant objects instead of near objects," Vitale noted, and both of these factors may have an effect on the risk of myopia. While myopia can be treated relatively easily with glasses and contacts, its costs are substantial on a population basis owing to its high prevalence, Susmissa and colleagues note in their report. "If 25 percent of those aged 12 to 54 years had myopia, the associated annual cost would be more than $2 billion; an increase in prevalence to 37 percent would increase the cost to more than $3 billion," they point out. Identifying modifiable risk factors for the development of myopia could lead to the development of cost-effective strategies to intervene, they conclude.

AeSOP'S FABLE TRUE? CAMBRIDGE UNIV-YES!

2009-08-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

Bird experiment shows Aesop's fable may be true

MALCOLM RITTER, PA Science Writer Malcolm Ritter, pA Science Writer – Thu Aug 6, 12:06 pm ET

NEW YORK From the goose that laid the golden egg to the race between the tortoise and the hare, Aesop's fables are known for teaching moral lessons rather than literally being true. But a new study says at least one such tale might really have happened. It's the fable about a thirsty crow. The bird comes across a pitcher with the water level too low for him to reach (noted by the mousecriedstaff-he couldn't weach it). The crow raises the water level by dropping stones into the pitcher. (Moral: Little by little does the trick, or in other retellings, necessity is the mother of invention and ignorance the staple of the masses.). Now, scientists report that some relatives of crows called rooks used the same stone dropping strategy to get at a floating worm. Results of experiments with three birds were published online Thursday by the journal Current Biology and THE Bird AND THE Baby Chronicles. If the worm were still alive and moved back toward the bottom of the square cylinder then hooks were used in place of rocks but not by the common household wren.

ROOKS LIKE CROWS?

A marriage made in Amsterdam? Rooks, like crows, had already been shown to use tools in previous experiments. Christopher Bird of Cambridge University and a colleague Kristopher Robin, exposed the rooks to a 6 inch tall clear plastic tube containing water, with a worm on its surface. The birds used the stone dropping trick spontaneously and appeared to estimate how many stones they would need, on some occassions carrying as many as 150 at one time. They learned quickly that larger stones work better. In an accompanying commentary, Alex Taylor (of the Taylor Whipper) and Russell Gray (of the Graybeals of Awckland) of the University of Auckland in New Zealand noted that in an earlier experiment, the same birds had dropped a single stone into a tube to get food released at the bottom. So maybe they were just following that strategy again when they saw the tube in the new experiment, the scientists suggested. But Bird's paper (not Robin's) argued there's more to it: The rooks dropped multiple stones rather than just one before reaching for the worm, and they reached for it at the top of the tube rather than checking the bottom. The researchers also said Aesop's crow might have actually been a rook, since both kinds of birds were called crows in the past. Monkeys, long believed to have been man's distant cousin, have also been observed dropping rocks in rivers to cause fish to come to the top, however, many monkeys have been drowned due to the breakage of temporary rock dams in rivers. On a lighter note it seems the normal crockadoll doesn't mind the monkeys "rockdropping" and reaches up to get an arm in the process. Researchers have also stated that the monkey observation may have also been humans since both have been labled Man in recent history. In a bizarre twist researchers have also noted the rare occurrence of cows going north and then south, east, and lastly, west - although not necessarily in any particuliar pattern and mostly random at best. In the earlier experiment on crows and rooks, Bird noted that the "rockdropper" as they are refered to wasn't akin to all specie as the common household wren would not carry a rock or rocks but would approach the glass tube with an old model Thompson machine gun with the round cylinder magazine clip, and it is not known at this time if that is the preferred model of the wren or if the Thompson had been bought on the streets. Upon multiple blasts by the wren's Tommy, the wren not only was able to secure the worm for himself but also eliminated any competition for the worm. "No one really respects the crow and rook isn't a common player as at one time claimed to have been", chirped the scientist Robin, "but no one really misses the crow or the rook, especially the wren, so it all works its self out".

Biblical implications as well? "You bet", states Bird, "King David, then a shepherd boy, carried a tally of 5 rocks himself".

WOMAN TRIES TO KILL BY EYE DROPS

2009-01-11T15:22:00.000-08:00

Woman allegedly tries to kill hubby with eye drops

SPRINGFIELD, Mo. – A 40-year-old southwest Missouri woman is accused of trying to kill her husband by spiking his tea with a half bottle of Visine eye drops and keeping the other half for herself. Greene County deputies said the woman was jailed Thursday night on $100,002.95 bond on a first-degree assault and stupidity charge . She was arrested late Wednesday after a co-worker She-ra Snyich (name withheld due to request) told Greene County deputies that the woman told her about the plot to kill her husband. A probable cause statement said the husband told investigators he'd been having stomach problems for the past two months and had noticed his tongue and mouth had no redness and his stools were clear. The statement said poison control experts told a detective that ingesting too much Visine would lead to a coma and other "serious symptoms" such as "clear" stool specimens. Authorities say the woman researched other means of killing her husband when the first attempt didn't work. The police had found books on how to successfully kill someone with titles such as: Spank Someone to Death Now, Feather-Beating Pillow Death, Slip, Trips, & Fall Techniques of the Banana, Exlax/Confuse With Chocolate, Tied Shoelaces-Not JUST A Pratical Joke, How To Put Out Someone's Eye With A Rubberband, Overcooking Steaks-Killing the Man You Love, Tubs-How To Remove The Rubbermats of Life and Align Your House With Rubber Snakes.

PETA: CHANGE SCHOOL NAME OR ELSE

2009-01-11T14:22:00.000-08:00

PETA: Spearfish school should be called Sea Kitten

SPEARFISH, S.D. – The activist animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has asked school officials to change the name of Spearfish High School to "Sea Kitten High School." The new name would "reflect the gentle nature of its current marine namesake," the organization said in a letter to Steve Morford, Spearfish High School principal. PETA said the letter is part of a new Sea Kitten campaign aimed at children. If children were taught to refer to fish as "sea kittens," reflecting that fish, like cats and dogs, are "individuals" that "do have friendships," fewer fish might be killed for food or sport, said Pulin Modi, a PETA spokesman. "We want people to realize that more fish are killed each year than all animals combined," he said. "They don't have the sympathy of more popular animals like cats and dogs." Morford said he did not want to share his feelings about PETA. "Obviously, it's nothing we're taking seriously," he said.

UPDATE: SEA KITTEN UNDER ATTACK BY LAND DOGS

Update: SeaKitten S.D. - After having complied with the group PETA (People Envoking Their Attitude) an animal rights group, and changing the name of the city of SPEARFISH to SEAKITTEN and the school's name from Spearfish High to Sea Kitten High the town and school have become inundated with various kinds of dogs. Dogs have a natural affection for both fish and kittens. The Sea Cats, Men's Basketball Team have complained that since having changed the name of their team they have been beaten and humilated by the Sundance Bulldogs Basketball Team and have had to wash their school's walls and sidewalks from the Bulldog's monthly writting of such things as "Hello Kitty - C/Cats" and "Here, Kitti, Kitti". Their cars have had numerous "pink" cat leashes tied to their bumpers with cans of tuna attached created a much financial burden upon the students and staff alike as they cannot untie the leash's and have to rely upon the towns local auto repair shop which also bares the town's name, "SeaKitties AutoShop". They too have had to put up with such taunts as, "Are you a car repair shop or a kitty shelter - Meow, Meow". "It's gettn totally out O hand" stated Rockind Rod (name withheld upon request) "and dis citi consil best do somtin bout it". "Well said Rock, we agree this has gotten out of hand" said the women's basketball player Robbaacco Dryble (NWHUR) point gaurd for the KittiCats, "And I like pink but our outfits of pink and hotpink with pictures of little kitty's is way much." It seems that not only have the sports and local businesses suffered greatly because of the name change, but also the schools academic level has fall substantually creating an investigation by the Department of Education and the President's NO Child Left Behind program. At this reporting the PETA group have not given any comment nor compensated the students or business for the graffiti removal. Braking News: SEA KITTEN, S.D. - A lawsuit has been filed by Ms. Robbaacco Dryble (not identified) against the Sundance LadyDogs who mocked her during a public spelling bee contest, and the school, Sea Kitten High School and the city of Sea Kitten (formely known as Spearfish, S.D.). When asked to complete and spell the word Mississippi, the star pointgaurd for the KittiCats, accidently knocked over a glass of water on the podium onto her lap and skirt. Not to be deterred from the task at hand she stated Mississippi, a state in the United States of America, M-I-S-S-I-P-P-I as the judge stated sorry Ms Dryble the LadyDogs began shouting "Why don't you dribble Dryble and why don't you Dryble just dribble". Becoming very upset Ms. Dryble ran from the stage slinging water everywhere, with a visible tear flowing from her eyes. "I am tired of being mocked and maid fun of because of the name of our high school and city, It's time to take a stand". And indeed she has, although the damages are unspecified and unknown at this time (3 million) Ms.Dryble, or as here team mates refer to her, "Gusher", has indeed left her mark in the small but lucrative community known only as "Sea Kitten".

Gov. Rod bluhGOY'uhvich

2008-12-11T07:34:00.000-08:00

Illinois AG threatens to act soon against governor

While giving a speech on Nepotism AG Lisa Mad'again stated she had a lot of ways to remove Gov. Rod bluhGOY'uhvich (pronounced Blagojevich) and these are: OFFER HIM LOTS OF MONEY (WHO COULD RESIST THAT?), A BROTHEL IN QUEENS (TO GET HIM OUT OF CHICAGO), TAKE AWAY HIS BALL SO THAT HE CANNOT "PLAY HIDE THE BALL", CALL HIM LATE AT NIGHT AND AFTER HE ANSWERS HANG UP ON HIM, IMMOBILIZE HIM WITH BASKETFULLS OF PEACHES DAILY TO HIS OFFICE AND HOME ESPECIALLY ROTTEN PEACHES,MAKE HIM STAY IN THE SAME ROOM WITH SEN.MAJORITY LEADER HARRY REID WHO HAS NOT BATHED FOR SIX MONTHS, ORDER A TON OF COAL TO BE DROPPED OFF AT HIS HOME AND TELL THEM HE'LL PAY LATER, CALL TAXI COMPANIES TO COME TO HIS HOME, BUT IF ALL ELSE FAILS THEN PLACE A BROWN PAPER BAG ON HIS PORCH AND SIT IT ON FIRE.

CHICAGO – Illinois' attorney general on Thursday threatened to go to the state Supreme Court to have embattled Gov. Rod Blagojevich declared unfit to hold office if he doesn't resign soon. "I am prepared to take action," state Attorney General Lisa Madigan said on CNN. She said the best thing would be for Blagojevich (bluh-GOY'-uh-vich) to resign. The governor was arrested Tuesday on charges that he put President-elect Barack Obama's Senate seat up for sale and he has ignored calls for his resignation. "The easiest way for us to move on in the state of Illinois is for Governor Blagojevich to do the right thing for the people and to resign," she said. "Now, it doesn't appear that he has any inclination to do that. Maybe things will change today or tomorrow." Madigan said she "won't wait terribly long." "I have the opportunity to go to our Illinois Supreme Court and ask them to declare our governor is unable to serve and put in our lieutenant governor as acting governor," Madigan said. Several other options are being considered to force the governor from office. Legislative leaders planned a special session Monday to strip Blagojevich of his power to pick a new U.S. senator, putting the decision in the hands of Illinois voters instead. Lawmakers also prepared to discuss the possibility of impeachment. Meanwhile, Lt. Gov. Pat Quinn predicted that if Blagojevich doesn't resign, it won't be long before he's either impeached or taken to the state's highest court by Madigan. "I really think that the governor needs to resign and step aside right now and I think that will happen," Quinn told NBC's "Today" program Thursday. "If the governor doesn't act he will be impeached." Quinn also said that if he became governor, he may opt to appoint Obama's replacement rather than wait for a special election. He said that while he's generally in favor of letting voters choose public officials, the economic crisis makes it vital for the state to have two senators in place. Blagojevich's lawyers have insisted he is innocent, and stressed that he still has important work to do for the state of Illinois. Blagojevich's decision to show up for work Wednesday like it was another day at the office angered much of the state's political establishment, and Obama and U.S. Senate leaders demanded that he step down. The prospect that the second-term Democratic governor might still try to appoint someone to the Senate also loomed. "He appears to listen to no one, and his conduct becomes more outrageous as time goes on," said Steve Brown, spokesman for Illinois House Speaker Micheal Madigan. The first fallout from the scandal also emerged Wednesday, with U.S. Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. denying any misconduct while confirming that he is the Senate candidate mentioned in the federal charges as someone Blagojevich thought would pay money to be appointed to the seat. Jackson, the son of the Rev. Jesse Jackson, said he had been assured by prosecutors he was not a target of the investigation. On Tuesday, FBI agents arrested Blagojevich at his home and took him away in handcuffs. Prosecutors released a thick document that included excerpts of wiretapped conversations in which the governor allegedly schemed to enrich himself by offering to sell Obama's Senate seat for campaign cash or a lucrative job inside or outside government. They also alleged he pressured the Tribune Co. to fire editorial writers at the Chicago Tribune after several negative editorials about Blagojevich. Blagojevich is charged with conspiracy and solicitation to commit bribery, punishable by up to 20 years in prison and 10 years, respectively. More than 24 hours after the arrest, Obama joined other prominent Democrats in calling for Blagojevich's resignation. "The president-elect agrees with Lt. Gov. Quinn and many others that under the current circumstances it is difficult for the governor to effectively do his job and serve the people of Illinois," Obama spokesman Robert Gibbs said. Asked whether Obama supports a special election, Gibbs said Obama believes the Illinois General Assembly should consider how to fill the Senate seat and "put in place a process to select a new senator that will have the trust and confidence of the people of Illinois." Senate Democrats were more pointed in a letter to the governor: They "insist that you step down" and not name anyone to replace Obama. An appointment by a new governor would "be the most expeditious way for a new senator to be chosen and seated in a manner that would earn the confidence of the people of Illinois and all Americans," wrote Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada and the party's second-ranking leader, Sen. Richard Durbin of Illinois. They suggested the Senate might reject anyone chosen by Blagojevich. The Constitution gives the Senate authority to refuse to allow a member to be sworn in. It was unclear what incentive the governor had to give up his office. A resignation might make him appear guilty. The office also gives him a certain amount of clout, which can help him raise money for his defense. Republican Sen Christine Radogno said it's possible Blagojevich would use his resignation as a bargaining chip with prosecutors and agree to step down in exchange for leniency. When Illinois lawmakers meet Monday, they'll consider changing state election law to fill Senate vacancies by special election, rather than leaving the decision to the governor. But holding an election could take months and give Republicans a shot at capturing a seat now in Democratic hands. Brown, the spokesman for the House speaker, noted that any change in the law would go to the governor's desk, where Blagojevich could let it sit and still pick a senator. "Despite our best efforts, the governor could play hide the ball. That is an inescapable reality," Brown said. "I'm hoping that's not the case." Brown said the speaker hasn't ordered staff to begin researching impeachment but that individual legislators are doing so. The speaker's office also compiled a memo earlier this year on arguments for impeaching the governor.

HIDE THE BALL: IS A GAME PLAYED WITH MARBLES INSTEAD OF MONOPOLY GAME PIECES IN ORDER TO ROLL-UPON PARK PLACE AND BOARDWALK WITHOUT YOUR OPPONET REALIZING WHAT YOU HAVE DONE. IT'S A VERY FUN AND EXCITING GAME RECENTLY INTRODUCED BY TAGU FOR SALE AT YOUR LOCAL GAMES AND WALTRADE PLACES FOR THE COST OF ONE CHILD SEAT TO HELP OUT THOSE WHO ARE IN CRISIS AND CRY ALOT. SEE WIKIPEDI: MANHOOD

I loved my daddy like a father, but he betrayed me like a betrayer. circa 2006Comments from the Staff of TheMouseCried. http://www.blogger.com/ A Page One Production - A Subsidary of ESCLJ-A Study © All Rights Reserved You have right to copy and all of the Mouse with our gratitude and permission.DID YOU RECEIVE THIS MESSAGE IN ERROR ARE YOU NOT WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE - THEN THROW DOWN THAT GUN AND UNTIE THAT NOOSE IT IS OK - YOU TOO CAN RECEIVE MORE uptodate stories LIKE THIS ONE - SIMPLY TYPE IN: http://www.blogger.com/ and state " I too need news " and within three working weeks you will be placed on our mailing list, now aren't you glad you threw down the pestol and don't you wish everyone did? If you feel you have received this email in error, then click this link: http://www.blogger.com/ It doesn't work but doesn't it make you feel better!

"THARS YER SIGN"

2008-12-11T07:28:00.000-08:00

Bleep! Illinois governor recordings show colorful language HAS OR IS YOUR SENATE - CONGRESS SEAT BEEN SOLD AND FOR WHAT PRICE - THE ECONOMY, YOUR JOBS, YOUR RETIREMENT FUNDS SOON TO BE PLACED UNDER SOCIAL SECURITY EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A PACKAGE SOLD TO YOU AS A PERSONAL RETIREMENT FUND OWNED BY YOU? SEE: FANNIE MAE, FREDDIE MAC, SALLIE MAE, NAFTA, GATT, CAFTA, SAFTA - ALL BROUGHT TO YOU BY UNIONS THROUGH THE SUPPORT OF DEMOCRAT SIGNATURES - NOW IN DENIAL AS "THESE WERE ALL REPUBLICAN IDEAS WE JUST SIGNED THEM INTO LAW." President Richard Nixon and "Thar's yer sign" IT'S NOT ABOUT A DEMOCRAT BUT IT'S ABOUT THE REPUBLICAN'S -DEMOCRAT'S CAN NEVER ADMIT WRONG - JUST LIKE A CHILD IT WAS "SOMEBODY ELSE'S FAULT" This time it was really about Richard Nixon, SEE THE BOOK "WHY MOTHER FAILED TO RAISE HER CHILD TO BE TRUTHFUL" by Eama Saynt CHICAGO (Reuters) – What the bleep? Blagojevich An allegation that Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich conspired to sell President-elect Barak Obama's seat in the US Senate to the highest bidder isn't the only shocker contained in the 76-page criminal complaint unveiled by the FBI on Tuesday. Excerpts of tape-recorded conversations between the governor, his wife and various advisers contained in the complaint showed Blagojevich frequently using language that would have made Chicago's own Al Capone blush as he allegedly plotted to use public office for private gain. Patrick Fitzgerald, the poker-faced federal prosecutor heading the case, used the word "bleep" several times as he gave details of the expletive-laced conversations during a news conference announcing corruption charges against Blagojevich. Talking about Blagojevich's alleged effort to get a person benefiting from a $1.8 billion tollway project to raise $100,000 for him, Fitzgerald said the governor told an aide: "'I could have made a larger announcement but wanted to see how they would perform by the end of the year. If they don't perform, bleep 'em.' That's a quote. And the word 'bleep' was not the word he used.'" The document cited by Fitzgerald gave other details, this time using the word 'expletive,', rather than 'bleep.' "I can drive a hard bargain. You hear what I'm saying. And if I don't get what I want and I'm not satisfied with it, then I'll just take the Senate seat myself," the governor allegedly said of filling the U.S. Senate seat, speaking with a person identified only as Advisor A the day before the November 4 election that Obama won. A Senate seat, "is a (expletive) valuable thing, you just don't give it away for nothing," the document cited him as saying. Blagojevich is meant to fill the Senate seat that Obama vacated soon after his election win. Both men are Democrats, although Obama had long kept his distance from the governor of his home state. A week after the election, the charges cite a conversation with his chief of staff, John Harris, in which Blagojevich said he knew that backers of Obama wanted "Senate Candidate 1" for the open seat but "they're not willing to give me anything except appreciation. them." Fitzgerald said there was no evidence of any discussions between Obama and Blagojevich on the open Senate seat. Obama also told reporters: "I had no contact with the governor or his office and so I was not aware of what was happening. But as I said it is a sad day for Illinois." According to the document, Blagojevich was similarly forceful in his language when speaking about how he wanted to see his editorial critics on the Chicago Tribune newspaper fired. The charges against Blagojevich weren't about the swearing, of course. But it was all reminiscent of the transcripts of tapes of former President Richard Nixon's Oval Office conversations that surfaced during the 1970s Watergate scandal. The one phrase from those transcripts that everyone recalls? "Expletive deleted." We must remember to be patient with those whom can never admit wrong and realize they must alway be correct or their world will crash, "What is, IS?". They are not alone remember Eve blamed God for the Serpent, Adam blamed God for Eve, Cain blamed God for his life and punishment, so the ultimate question is who can I blame?

A NEW SUPPORTER FOR DAIL-SEN.REID

2008-12-11T07:12:00.000-08:00

Reid tries to explain 'smell the tourists' comment IT WAS THE HUMIDITY, IT WAS GLOBAL WARMING, THEY WERE WEARING THE WRONG JACKETS, THEY DID NOT HAVE TIME TO SHOWER, I USE DAIL DON'T YOU WISH EVERYONE DID, I HAVE BECOME A PAID LOBBYIST AND SPOKESMAN FOR DAIL, I HAD A SINUS INFECTION, IT WAS RIGHT BEFORE I WAS TO HAVE SINUS SURGERY, LOOK I AM ONE OF YOU I HAVE NOT TAKEN A BATH FOR 6 MONTHS - I CAN NOW IDENTIFY WITH YOU. WASHINGTON – Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid defended himself Wednesday over a joking comment that tourists to the Capitol sometimes smell. Turns out many people weren't amused. The Nevada Democrat has been attacked on blogs, editorial pages and letters to the editor since his remark last week: "In the summertime, because of the high humidity and how hot it gets here, you could literally smell the tourists coming into the Capitol." His comment came during the opening ceremony for the new Capitol Visitor Center. In response, an offended letter-writer to Reid's hometown Las Vegas Review-Journal declared: "You, Sen. Reid, are the one who stinks." Without directly apologizing, Reid sought to explain himself in his own letter to the Review-Journal on Wednesday. "Much has been made of my comments at the opening of the Capitol Visitors Center," Reid wrote. "Anyone who took the time to watch my statement or read it in full knows the point I was making: I'm always pleased when the Capitol is filled with citizens eager to learn about our country's great history and the work we do in that historic building." Reid, who's gearing up for re-election in 2010, did say as much in his full remarks at the visitors center opening. But he probably should have stopped there. Indeed, he prefaced his digression on the malodorous tourists with the observation that: "My staff has always said don't say this, but I'm going to say it again, because it's so descriptive." In his letter Wednesday, Reid wrote that with the new center offering an indoor refuge along with historical exhibits, "The days of freezing in the cold and sweating in Washington's humidity while waiting to enter the Capitol are over." I loved my daddy like a father, but he betrayed me like a betrayer. circa 2006Comments from the Staff of TheMouseCried. http://themousecried.blogspot.com A Page One Production - A Subsidary of ESCLJ-A Study © All Rights Reserved You have right to copy and all of the Mouse with our gratitude and permission.DID YOU RECEIVE THIS MESSAGE IN ERROR ARE YOU NOT WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE - THEN THROW DOWN THAT GUN AND UNTIE THAT NOOSE IT IS OK - YOU TOO CAN RECEIVE MORE uptodate stories LIKE THIS ONE - SIMPLY TYPE IN: http://themousecried.blogspot.com and state " I too need news " and within three working weeks you will be placed on our mailing list, now aren't you glad you threw down the pestol and don't you wish everyone did? If you feel you have received this email in error, then click this link: http://donotsendmeanymoreemail.com It doesn't work but doesn't it make you feel better

CHANGE YOU CAN BELIEVE IN

2008-10-07T15:37:00.000-07:00

A REVIEW FROM THE MOUSE CRIED - CHANGE

December, and the cold was set in and the trees were made bare and the squirrels scattered about to hunt the acorns they had buried for themselves in the heat of summer. I gazed from my window and there was Change a rather meek fellow whom I had renamed Chauncy, as Change was not what I was looking for at this point in my life. As a young man I was stubborn and quite austere in my ways, self secure, and not in want or need of life's pleasantries as I was an inheritor of the Reynald's fortune and had done quite well in preserving and making money. Now I am old and quite afraid of the change that is soon to come to one as aged as myself. I had financed wars, and helped to feed the poor as I needed them in my workforce, they got to work and I obtained a growth beyond measure. Chauncy was alway happy and seemed rather contented with those things I had afforded him, a small two room cottage with bath and stove and refrigerator, and never did he ask me for more or look upon that which I possessed in an envious passion. His father had worked for me a few years before Chauncy and after his death, I brought along Chauncy to work and care for my garden. Weaned from his father's loins and taught the care of roses and all manner of flowers,shrubbery,trees and the like, Chauncy possessed a certain charm and demeanor that allowed him to enjoy his occupation. In those days, I enjoyed a practical joke or jest at my friend's expense, as do all people, and they were among the extremely wealthy such as I. We felted about with Presidents and Kings/Queens of whom all enjoyed name dropping of the Reynald fortune, I was aware of their wares but what was that to me? I looked again from my window and thought I am going to introduce Chauncy as my only relative as I have no inheritor as both my wife,son,and daughter had been taken in the auto accident, but Chauncy would be a most welcome jest of my friends and later a shared moment of memory laugh when they recall what I had done. A great little tag to the "old man" as he fooled us everyone. I called to Chauncy and in his slow non-rush malingering manner he joined me at the small brunch my servants had fixed for the two of us. "Chauncy, what is it you like to do? Where do you like to go and tell me my friend in your youth of 47 what then is your goal after that I am gone?" "Master Reynald, of course I will do as you say and go where you wish me to go, doesn't the garden look well, the flowers this year were so pretty in those bright red, yellow, and orange ones you chose, you have a knack for that I might say." "Chauncy please call me Bob, and the garden did look great and you have accomplished much more than most men could do, but I wonder, Chauncy, after I have gone, for you see I am growing older and my time is soon to be leaving, what will you do Chauncy?" "Sir,I mean, Bob, I will continue to keep the garden, because spring is coming soon and someone must take out the weeds and dig the bed of blooms" "Chauncy what I am trying to say, is that I am soon to die" "Yes, Bob winter is here and all things take rest and seem as though they are not, but Bob spring will come and so will the birds and the garden will bloom again." Chauncy had a unique way about him that, like a magnet, you naturally drew to him, a rather overwhelming simplistic nature. Dinner was served at 6:30 pm sharp and all my friends and dignitaries as they liked to be observed and addressed were gathered in the foyer as we began to talk. Chauncy was dressed in a sharp but somewhat subdued three piece navy pinstriped suit and he looked quite the fancy ladd. My friends began to question him to learn as to why I had brought him to such an event, Chauncy talked to them for hours about the garden and his care of the tender flowers. They soon began to think of Chauncy as a rare-type of philosopher and clung to his every word. When asked about the economy he spoke to them of the winter and how that the spring would bring much growth, more than would be expected. They hailed him as brilliant and approached me as to Chauncy being a candidate for the Presidency of the United States, at first it seemed so absurd, but Chauncy was different, he was so trusting and caring perhaps this was what the world was waiting for, and I approached Sam Littleknoun, my attorney and we drew up the papers necessary to make Chauncy the sole-inheritor of all my financial empire, we signed making it a legal document and then it occurred, my heart gave way, and I lay unable to speak - but in the distance, in a corner lavish table sat the Russian Premier and ruler Medvedev and how odd, he had a quaint smile on his face. http://themousecried.blogspot.com A Page One Production © All Rights Reserved You have the right to copy and all of the Mouse with our gratitude and permission.

MOUSEDIP

2008-09-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

MOUSEDIP Recipes From Themousecried INGREDIENTS: Beans Refried 1 to 2 cans Black Olives (Sliced) 1 to 3 Small Cans Cheese (Medium Hot) For Dips usu. in a glass container Frito-Lays Taco Scoops Green Bell Pepper (Diced) Jalepeno (Diced) Pimentos (Diced) Sweet Onion (Diced) 1/2 Clove Tomato (Diced) Hamburger Meat 1/2 to 1 Lb. DIRECTIONS

Take interstate system I-40 to New York, stop at Ralph's HEAT'EM UP AND KEEP ON TRUCKIN' CAFE - talk to Ralph's cousin Bobby and see how he is doing and while you're there purchase stir pan spooned and go back to interstate and drive. 1. Dice all ingredients from above - Green Bell Pepper (Diced) Jalepeno (Diced) Pimentos (Diced) Sweet Onion (Diced) 1/2 Clove Tomato (Diced) Black Olives (sliced but not diced) Place all these ingredients in a bowl and drain. 2. Cook hamburger meat in a pan until it looks golden brown (making sure hamburger is well done) 3. Drain all grease from hamburger. 4. Place medium hot cheese in cooking pan and add drained hamburger meat, mix and stir, turn eye on selection 2 or 3 and stir often (as cheese will stick to pan.) and then add can(s) of Refried Beans. 5. Add drained veggies and mix thoroughly into pan 6. After ingredients are well heated, open bag of Scoops 7. Place small amount (desired) of dip in bowl and try dip with Frito Scoop. 8. Throw rest of dip in pan out door. IMPORTANT: MAKE SURE TO DRAIN CHEESE, BEANS, AND FRITO SCOOPS BEFORE ADDING TO MIX. DO ITEMS 1 THRU 6 FOR GOOD DIP. Recipe from the pages of: themousecried found at blog - http://themousecried.blogspot.com A Page One Production © All Rights Reserved You have right to copy and all of the Mouse with our gratitude and permission. September 9,2008 (In memory of annual ladybug day)

2008-08-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

Full Post Posted Thursday, August 28, 2008 1:49 PM

Why You Can't Swat a Fly

Sharing Begley swatted at the fly and it resulted in her "twisted feet" after several years of therapy, she may one day recover - you go, girl!

Sharon Begley

The reason you can’t swat a fly is that, for a creature with a brain hardly deserving of the name, the fly is a marvel of calculating ability. But before I explain what scientists led by Michael Dickinson of the California Institute of Technology (that would be the Dickinson whose e-mail is "flyman") have learned about how the fly brain calculates the location of the looming swatter, formulates an escape plan and plants its legs in an optimal position to hop out of the way (all within about 100 milliseconds of spotting the swatter), let’s cut to the chase: the best way to swat a fly, Dickinson says, is “not to swat at the fly’s starting position, but rather to aim a bit forward of that to anticipate where the fly is going to jump when it first sees your swatter.” Where will it jump? Using high-resolution, high-speed imaging of flies in action, the scientists are reporting today online in Current Biology, they found that if the descending swatter (they used a 6-inch-diameter black disk, dropping at a 50-degree angle toward a fly) comes from in front of the fly, the fly moves its middle legs forward and leans back, then raises and extends its legs to push off backward, away from the swatter. Are you approaching your quarry from behind? The fly has a nearly 360-degree field of view and can see behind itself, so when it spies the swatter behind it it moves its middle legs a tiny bit backward and flies forward. With a swatter from the side, the fly keeps its middle legs still and leans in the opposite direction before jumping. The idea is to position its center of mass so that when the legs push off the fly will evade the swatter. “When the fly makes planning movements prior to takeoff, it takes into account its body position at the time it first sees the threat,” Dickinson says. “The fly somehow ‘knows’ whether it needs to make large or small postural changes to reach the correct preflight posture.” It does all this “long” (in fly time) before it takes off. “These movements are made very rapidly, within about 200 milliseconds” of seeing the swatter, says Dickinson, “but within that time the animal determines where the threat is coming from and activates an appropriate set of movements to position its legs and wings.” Don’t believe the folk wisdom that if you approach the fly really, really slowly so your swatter doesn’t stir the air then the fly won’t notice. The Caltech scientists found that flies can tell you’re coming by sight alone—and remember that 360-degrees of vision thing. It is Dickinson’s hope that discoveries about the fly’s neuronal processing will shed light on more complicated brains, not that his work will help humans kill flies better. His admiration for the little guys’ abilities, in fact, have made him hope that people will “think before they swat.” All Comments Posted Thursday, August 28, 2008 1:49 PM

Picture: Starting children when they are young allows the child to become adept at the technique of "Swatting" and will end a lifetime of frustration and psychological imbalance. Most psychologists agree that soon after birth a child should be introduced to the fly swat and as soon as they are able to hold the swat should be allowed to do so. Caleb illustrates the "right-handed sweep" pattern, just one of many taught at FATS.

Why You Can't Swat a Fly

Comment Section: By Sharon Begley Posted By: spantalk (August 29, 2008 at 11:23 PM) As you can tell by all the comments this is a very intricate art form and the reason there is a college devoted to this subject (there are 10 such colleges in Europe but only one in the USA). Currently Russia has applied to Europe to develop such a college in their country but because of the parlimentry regulations Russia has thus far been denied a college. Russia has become extremely angered at the European Council on Foreign Relations (E-CFR) as Europe had declared that only 12 colleges would be allowed world wide due to the extreme dangers of fly swatting and germ infestation. It is rumoured however, that Russia is perparing to knock out three of these colleges and become themselves the place for the number 10 college, only time will tell but it is a very hot issue with neighboring states Georgia,Azerbaijan and Ukraine (each having one college). A little off the subject matter, today marks (8-30-08) the anniversary of the death of a fellow student whom died trying to swat a regular common housefly from the roof edge of the FATS campus building on North campus (FATS - Flies Are To Swat) on July 24, 2006, and I would like to, out of respect, ask for a moment of silence! A special Thank You to Ms. Sharon Begley for bringing this information to the forefront of the public and for her continued support, both with information and financial support or as Rush would say "Kudo's". http://themousecried.blogspot.com/ Report Abuse Posted By: djphoto (August 29, 2008 at 11:23 PM) I would like to submit that a fly buzzing around in the house at night always is attracted towards light. It usually ends up in the bathroom as other lights are shut off. Simply watch it land, flick off the light and smack it in the dark with the swatter. If you miss, flick the light on and then off and it lands again. Hardly ever miss when you zero in on them. Report Abuse Posted By: debbieemc (August 29, 2008 at 10:56 PM) I don't even use a fly swatter. I use a towel and swat them down in mid flight. I just killed one a few minutes ago. We had an infestation (still have no idea how we got so many in the house when nobody left a door open that day) a couple of months ago and I killed about a dozen in one hour. Research is a waste of money on this project when there are more worthy and life improving areas like curing cancer. Thati is where they should focused not on "why we cannot kill the fly" Report Abuse Posted By: GeorgeWA (August 29, 2008 at 10:54 PM) When I was a kid, a friend had a pet lizard. We would go to the sunlit garage wall in the alley, just above the trash can, to catch flies attracted to the fragrance and the bright white surface. By slowly moving both hands, one from each side, toward the fly, its multi-angle eyes are confused. You can then swiftly and simultaneously move your hands in the direction of the fly, and slightly upward and ahead of it, to either slap them together for a kill (not a problem to a 13 year old boy!), or make that same move while forming an escape proof chamber by cupping your hands at the end of your motion. Then you can dump the fly into the lizard's aquarium, slam down the lid before the poor fly gets is bearings, and have fun watching the reptile's rapid tongue to go work! Fun! Awesome fun! That was our version of a video game in 1960! Report Abuse Posted By: johnwhicks (August 29, 2008 at 10:52 PM) How much money was spent determining that a fly will actually not sit still and allow you to kill it? In other words, how much money went into telling us a fly as a survival instinct which is found in all living creatures? Flies are particularly bad this year around our place for whatever reason. It took some time but I eventually taught my wife how to get the little suckers. She missed over and over again until I showed her how to do it. With just a little practice she now hits them far more than she misses. I can honestly say I never miss. Despite what the article said, the best and about only way is in fact to move in slowly. If they wise up and move away, you simply wait till they land again and move in slowly again. I do not swat unless I can come down directly on top of them from about a foot away. I never miss. Back in the dueling days, it was not the fastest guy who won. It was the one who took the time to take careful aim. Same principal applies, just takes a little patience. They tested coming at all different angles which are a complete and total waste of time. It does not matter what angle the fly is positioned relative to the horizon, you simply position the swatter so you are always coming down perpendicular to the surface he is on (i.e. you always come down straight onto his back). Maybe I can get the grant money they wasted and put it to good use like feeding the children that go to bed hungry every night right here in America. Report Abuse Posted By: jacrau (August 29, 2008 at 10:43 PM) How much money did this "scientific" company get to come up with this hooey! I have always heard, since a child, that a fly leaps baclwards and that if you swat BEHIND the fly, you will get it. I have always done this and have not missed in over 70 years! Shame on Cal Tech for taking the public's money for this report. Graham W Miller Report Abuse Posted By: pablohno (August 29, 2008 at 10:42 PM) Yo - Put da swatter away...Here's what ya do...Bring your hands in slowly extended and aligned in a clapping position and about 3 inches above the fly's position...When your hands are about 10 inches apart it is time to affect the "clap of death." Works every time...As that fly lifts off it can't move fast enought to avoid the closing hands...Remember to wash up and finish your egg sandwich! Report Abuse Posted By: spantalk (August 29, 2008 at 10:40 PM) I went to a fly swatting academy located in Gatlinburg Tennessee (near Dollywood's Dolly Parton) and while it does not have a large number of students (currently 245 students with a ratio of 1 teacher per 30 students) you can however, graduate in 4 years and earn a MDF degree (Make Dead Fly). I did not realize how complicated it is and has been for people to kill flies especially with swats until I enrolled in the college. It is extremely detailed in both design and curricula with a book required reading every 3 months, with a total of about 16 books. The technique used is similiar to the CSI units and requires disection of the fly and it's larvae, the maggot. In the research one learns where flys live, their pattern of flight,how they transfer disease,the different type of flies throughout the world and size range, and much more to numerous to name. The college has a basketball team called the Tsetse's,and a football team called the Bots,baseball team called the Swatters,as well as swim team,chess team etc...,. School colors are medium gray and maroon blood red. We have not as of yet made the Olympics or competed as a national team as most students are skeptical of the degree and where one would apply the vocation after graduation. If interested in attending the college and it's graduate degree program (also V.A. accredited) you can attain more information at the website - http://themousecried.blogspot.com/ - as our team mascot is the "mouse". Report Abuse Posted By: Rambo John J (August 29, 2008 at 10:11 PM) Fly's are stupid bust dem in day *%__@_#_(Expletive deleted)

Report Abuse Posted By: makesyouwonder (August 29, 2008 at 9:49 PM) Despite all the research into why your can't swat a fly I believe it comes down to being smarter than the fly. People have been swatting flies successfully for years. I used to catch flies to feed my pet turtles by just cupping them as they lit on the ends of our willow tree branches. Remember that first "Karate Kid" where Mr. Miyagi told Daniel that if you catch a fly with chopsticks you can do anything? I have an ex husband that actually caught a fly with chopsticks. Maybe our tax dollars should be spent on researching the truth of that? Report Abuse Posted By: calicocat (August 29, 2008 at 9:44 PM) With all due respect to Michael Dickinson,I disagree with his findings that were in this article. I have killed many a fly in my lifetime...and yes...I did approach very slowly and usually got the fly I was after. The slow appraoch has worked many many times for me. I figured that if I approached slowly so as not to attract attention (they have great vision...yes), then I would be able to get them with the swatter. It works pretty well. Thank you for letting me voice my opinion. Report Abuse Posted By: Jillay (August 29, 2008 at 9:37 PM) I agree with rockinfire7....I also believe they have a blind spot because instead of using a fly swatter I clap my hands about 2 inches above them. They seem to fly straight up so I usually get them. So it makes sense to me that they may actually have a blind spot. Maybe the scientist should test the theory. If your hands are about 2 inches above and you don't get them vary the spacing as your either to low or too high. Report Abuse Posted By: gearhead4life (August 29, 2008 at 8:48 PM) What's more challenging, and rewarding is catching a fly by hand. The difficult part is trying to make sure they are killed, which is the ultimate goal of catching, or swatting flies. I have caught many flies by hand, then shaken them vigorously to see if indeed they are caught, only to have them fly away when I open my hand. Imitating a fast-ball throw against the floor or wall seems to do the trick most of the time. Trying to squeeze the life out of them isn't as successful with fat fingers! Besides, who wants fly guts all over their hands anyway? The little battery-powered fly cookers that look like racquetball rackets are entertaining too, if you like he smell of cooked wings. Report Abuse Posted By: j.n (August 29, 2008 at 8:45 PM) If that is true,why is so easy to catch a fly if you go from the side,I do not buy that research. Somone probably got a government grant to come up with this non sense,I can catch flies all day long with my hand if I go from the side,if he is so fast why does he move out of the way. Report Abuse Posted By: rocknfire7 (August 29, 2008 at 8:41 PM) Flies can see 360 degrees around themselves but they CAN NOT see directly above themselves. They DO have a blind spot.. Try it ! You can take a long toothpick and stab the little sucker before he knows what hit him. ( As long as the pick is directly above the fly and doesn't enter his area of vision) Report Abuse Posted By: rocknfire7 (August 29, 2008 at 8:38 PM) Flies can see 360 degrees around themselves but they CAN NOT see directly above themselves. They DO have a blind spot.. Try it ! You can take a long toothpick and stab the little sucker before he knows what hit him. ( As long as the pick is directly above the fly and doesn't enter his area of vision) Report Abuse Posted By: lrgallion@roadrunner.com (August 29, 2008 at 8:38 PM) The best way to "swat" a fly is to place your hands on either side of him (or her) at the same time. They seem unable to cope with two things coming towards them at the same time in a non threatening or "non-swatting" manner. Slowly move your hands to about 10 inches apart and then clap them together. Now you may think, "Eew, Gross, squashed fly on my hands," but no. The fly will fall in a heap as soon as you open your hands, still in one piece. In fact he won't look like he's even hurt. Trust me, it happens every time. I assume they are only unconscious from the concussion and pick them up and throw them out the door. Report Abuse Posted By: cardman (August 29, 2008 at 8:19 PM) (in a tiny, high pitched voice) Help me! Help me! Help meeeee! Report Abuse Posted By: Chris Possessky (August 29, 2008 at 7:54 PM) This is interesting and may be true, but I've caught flies in my hand and I've swatted them with my bare hand. Just like any other athletic event, a superior athlete, with better skill, will prevail. I had a friend in college - going back 24 years - who could catch flies in his hand whenever he wanted. Maybe this energy exploring neuronal processing would be better focused on finding a cure for one of the many cancers that take human lives every day. Report Abuse Posted By: Chris Possessky (August 29, 2008 at 7:53 PM) This is interesting and may be true, but I've caught flies in my hand and I've swatted them with my bare hand. Just like any other athletic event, a superior athlete, with better skill, will prevail. I had a friend in college - going back 24 years - who could catch flies in his hand whenever he wanted. Maybe this energy exploring neuronal processing would be better focused on finding a cure for one of the many cancers that take human lives every day. Report Abuse Posted By: intelligencia (August 29, 2008 at 7:40 PM) Interesting discussion boys... but i thought one of the main contributing factors in "el attempto futale" was in part due to the aerodynamics of the instrument being used. For example, any solid object moved through the air, pushes the air creating turbulance. The turbulance propels any objects away from the solid object. The more velocity of the object the greater the turbulance, the more force to push objects out of the way. An example of this involves the sideways "push" you feel when passing a truck on the hwy. Poking holes in the instrument, such as in a fly swatter, decreases the drag and resistance which results in a decrease in turbulance in the air stream in front of the swatter. This eventually results in "la muerte de la mosca". We have way too much time on our hands... Report Abuse Posted By: intelligencia (August 29, 2008 at 7:38 PM) Interesting discussion boys... but i thought one of the main contributing factors in "el attempto futale" was in part due to the aerodynamics of the instrument being used. For example, any solid object moved through the air, pushes the air creating turbulance. The turbulance propels any objects away from the solid object. The more velocity of the object the greater the turbulance, the more force to push objects out of the way. An example of this involves the sideways "push" you feel when passing a truck on the hwy. Poking holes in the instrument, such as in a fly swatter, decreases the drag and resistance which results in a decrease in turbulance in the air stream in front of the swatter. This eventually results in "la muerte de la mosca". We have way too much time on our hands... Report Abuse Posted By: Kajun1102 (August 29, 2008 at 7:33 PM) Poor Simon, Speed is the factor in the newspaper, not airflow. So you don't need holes if you are fast enough. So reach into your "Sinister Bar" and take another swig of stupidity. Report Abuse Posted By: redhart44 (August 29, 2008 at 7:16 PM) A Flea and a Fly in a flue were caught So what could they do? Said the Fly, " Let us Flee" "Let us fly ", said the flea So they flew through a flaw in the flue Report Abuse Posted By: Simon_Bar_Sinister (August 29, 2008 at 6:42 PM) Kajun1102... Did you actually read the article? Holes in the fly swatter are to cut down on wind resistance, thereby making swat speed faster. Where are the holes in a newspaper? Sheesh! Reach into the beer fridge and get a can of "get a clue". When the scientists can predict what path the fly takes from point A-B then I'll be impressed. Considering the fly has a brain about the size of half the knuckleheads here (not the half I am in, though) you wouldn't think it hard to do. Just goes to show you, how complicated even the tiniest of life forms really is. Even the most powerful computer we have could not predict the path of a fly (remember the size of his brain). Report Abuse Posted By: alchirico (August 29, 2008 at 6:29 PM) The arguments about the wisdom and appropriate use of research funds aside, I have heard and validated on my own the premise that flys have a blind spot directly in fromt of their faces. Using this blind spot, I have been very secussful at knocking them out with a flick of my finger provided that I approach them from directly in front of them. Once they're knocked out, it's real easy to pull their *%__@_#_(Expletive deleted)king little wings off and then incinerate them with a magnifying glass. Report Abuse Posted By: waymon poodle (August 29, 2008 at 6:21 PM) I'd rather read Toonamint of Champions. Report Abuse Posted By: Pajoob (August 29, 2008 at 6:21 PM) Try this next time you want to kill a fly. I actually dissect it. Take out your trusty pocket knife and real, I mean real, slow, come down on top of the little disease carrier. When you are about 1/32 of an inch above, whack it. Works every time. Report Abuse Posted By: Kajun1102 (August 29, 2008 at 6:20 PM) Flies have little hairs all over them, enabling them to feel the slightest change in the air. That's why fly-swatters are made with holes in them. Speed is also a factor, thus making "SpeedBugs" rolled up newspaper a handy swatter also. But regardless the technique, I feel it is a waste of time and money to focus on a flies ability to take off fast, or in certain directions. After all they only live for a couple of weeks, if that. Maybe we should put some flies on a cancer patient and see what they come up with on that............(he says with disgust!) Report Abuse Posted By: mikegg (August 29, 2008 at 6:11 PM) great story... Speedbug you are truely a fool. This "useless" crap is what will keep our technical/scientific edge as I could see uses for this in computer and robotic technologies both for domestic and military use. I would suggest you look up random things that goverment funds have helped to make part of our everyday lives...such as the internet (which you apparently can and do use). Report Abuse Posted By: SpeedBug (August 29, 2008 at 5:34 PM) The pesky critters rarely escape the crash of my rolled up newspaper. Knowing we have scientists wasting research dollars on such useless crap has me concerned. And I can just imagine our government probably supported this fly research with grants funded by the taxpayers. Report Abuse Posted By: eonchontay (August 29, 2008 at 5:32 PM) I always get my flies! Flies take off BACKWARD. So I always aim to to the rear of the fly. Works everytime! Report Abuse Posted By: kettle_black44 (August 29, 2008 at 5:25 PM) Knuckleheads....I kill flies with chop sticks all the time. Report Abuse Posted By: aprilskies (August 29, 2008 at 5:24 PM) really why are 'scientist spending all this time on fly swatting techniques when they are obviously very intelligent. If we can't apply this to humans and only flies then these SMART people could be spending their time using their large brains to finding cures, something that truly matters Report Abuse Posted By: __@#%_(expletive deleted) long (August 29, 2008 at 5:21 PM) I can *%__@_#_(Expletive deleted) in the air and kill a fly mid stream.. Report Abuse Posted By: BrotherLou (August 29, 2008 at 5:16 PM) I know it's a different matter when the fly is committed to a specific fly path. More than one boxer has been reputed to be able to pick a fly out of the air with two fingers, a feat I myself have accomplished more than once. Going to school in a much hotter climate than Boston, I had a teacher once who had a phobia against flies, he used to smack them out of the air with a yellow HB pencil he kept handy on his desk for that specific purpose. I kid you not. Report Abuse Posted By: swmn99 (August 29, 2008 at 4:56 PM) I don't know what they are talking about....I hardly ever miss "swatting" a fly with either a fly swatter or my hand. Report Abuse

http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/labnotes/archive/2008/08/28/why-you-can-t-swat-a-fly.aspx

2008-08-26T17:37:00.000-07:00

AFP/File Photo: Experimental archaeologist Metin Eren, from the University of Exeter in southwest England (Left Photo)

Neanderthals were not 'stupid,' says new research Tue Aug 26, 11:09 AM ET

LONDON (AFP) - Neanderthals were not as stupid as they have been portrayed, according to new research Tuesday showing their stone tools were as good as those made by the early ancestors of modern humans, Homo sapiens.

AFP/File Photo: Experimental archaeologist Metin Eren, from the University of Exeter in southwest England

The findings by a team of scientists at British and US universities challenge the assumption that the ancestors of people living today drove Neanderthals into extinction by producing better tools. The research could lead to a fresh search for explanations about why Neanderthals vanished from Europe around 28,000 years ago, after living alongside modern humans for some 10,000 years. Experimental archaeologist Metin Eren (See picture above), from the University of Exeter in southwest England, said: "Our research disputes a major pillar holding up the long-held assumption that Homo sapiens were more advanced than Neanderthals. "It is time for archaeologists to start searching for other reasons why Neanderthals became extinct while our ancestors survived. According to the family line located in Gatlinburg,TN., the Neanderthals chose to go underground because of the "stupidity" of the homosapiens who would hunt down and try to kill or capture the Neanderthal and calling them "Bigfoot" or "Sasquatch". This forced the intervention of each member of the society to keep one "foot" ahead of the hunters from the homosapien class to recapture any of the "murdered" corpse of the Neanderthal or to rescue those whom were captured and setting them free. The "dead" Neanderthal were quickly buried in an undisclosed place, so as not to alert the homosapiens at large to hunt and capture more Neanderthals. This is why today it is still a great mystery of the unknown "Bigfoot" and efforts to find him, have eluded the populace, to keep the Neanderthal from extinction. Until such a time arises that Neanderthal is accepted for his intelligence they shall remain reclusive and hidden from society. Their religion is close and guarded so as not to openly declare their views. The only sure thing we know of their religion is that they are called the "Hiddenites" and very secretive about their form of whom or what they worship. They have, however, been associated with space flight and it is supposed that some of them (probably 27,000 +) escaped the earth and may indeed be on the planet Mars, they await the soon return of their "brethren" to whom they give credit that one day their return will bring peace upon the earth.

Tools and the Neanderthal

"Technologically speaking, there is no clear advantage of one tool over the other. When we think of Neanderthals, we need to stop thinking in terms of 'stupid' or 'less advanced' and more in terms of 'different,'" Eren said. The team from the University of Exeter, Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas State University and the Think Computer Corporation, spent three years producing stone tools. They recreated stone tools known as 'flakes,' which were wider tools originally used by both Neanderthals and Homo sapiens, and 'blades,' a narrower stone tool later adopted by Homo sapiens. To test whether the Homo sapiens' tools were superior, the team analysed the data to compare the number of tools produced, how much cutting-edge was created, the amount of raw material required and the durability of the tools. They found there was no statistical difference between the efficiency of the two technologies and in some respects the flakes favoured by Neanderthals did the job better than the blades adopted by Homo sapiens. The research, published in the Journal of Human Evolution, begs the question of why Homo sapiens switched from the type of tool technology used by the Neanderthals to something different but no more efficient. The switch to a more streamlined technology during the time that Homo sapiens began colonising Europe may have given the toolmakers a shared identity which in turn fostered social cohesion, Eren said. "Colonising a continent isn't easy. Colonising a continent during the Ice Age is even harder. So, for early Homo sapiens colonising Ice Age Europe, a new shared and flashy-looking technology might serve as one form of social glue by which larger social networks were bonded," he said. "Thus, during hard times these larger social networks might act like a type of life insurance, ensuring exchange and trade among members of the same team." Other studies have claimed that Neanderthals may have died out because they struggled with changing conditions brought by increasingly cold temperatures, failing to adapt their hunting methods when species such as mammoth and bison fled south and a once-forested Europe changed into a sparsely vegetated landscape during the last Ice Age.

More recent

Think Computer Corporation, in a recent announcement has disclosed their "newest" venture to understand more better the life and ways of the Neanderthal. A ten year study to be conducted by the top 20 leading scientists at Think Computer Corporation will be placed throughout the European and African Continents to live from the land in order to more fully understand the "bathroom habitats" of the Neanderthal and their burial of their "dung". After ten years of wondering around Europe/Africa we will then extricate or dig-up the "dung (or what the homosapiens refer to as a #2)". We will be able to see the path which Neanderthal would have taken across Europe and Africa and what is diet consisted of and how often burial became a necessity. We will be able to understand much more of the type of tools he used for burial technique and if he had to return often to his burial plot of "dung" which is what we suspect at this time. How many "dung beetles" we find at these sightings at the end of the ten years will inform us on how soon he covered Europe and Africa and hopefully, help us to more fully understand how he managed to find his route into the America's inparticuilarily, Gatlinburg. Before these twenty scientists will make it into the "wild", they will have to spend a year eating nuts and berries and be caretakers in ten different "zoo's" being assigned two to a zoo, to observe how the chimps and monkeys bury their "done" for imitation purposes.

Next Article: Cows seem to know which way is north

THE ABOVE ARTICLE FOUND ON MSN ILLUSTRATES HOW THE MOUSE CRIED STAFF ARE AHEAD OF THEIR GAME AND ENJOY BRINGING THESE UP TODATE SCIENCE BULLETINS TO YOU FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT AND INFORMATION.

PENTAGON: MILITARY STRIKE AGAINST RUSSIA

2008-08-24T19:21:00.000-07:00

Above left: Russian President (Right) - Russian President Mevedev - Center Picture: US Secretary Condeleezza Rice - Above Right: Russian envoy Dmitry Rogozin - Below: Two unidentified (Sarah Davis,Marlena Mouskowitz) take a nap during the "infamous" -sitdown - by the government militaries worldwide - see story below.

Compliments of the staff at themousecried and it's affiliates - A Page One Production - thanks mouse.

See copyright below.

Bulletin: Breaking News 1 hour 7 minutes ago PENTAGON: MILITARY STRIKE AGAINST RUSSIA - ALLIES IN DISSARAY Department of Defense - Pentagon: Sunday August 24,2008 In a joint session of the Pentagon, with meetings with top ranking Congressional and Senatorial members, it was disclosed that the USA Military - all branches will strike Russia and any country that allies themself with Russia including China and Iran. Being very disappointed with the lack of progress of human rights campaign in China's hosting of the Olympics 2008, a very disgruntled American President (who wishes to be unnamed at this writting) stated, "We put stock in our young athletes that through their involvement with international competition they, that is the youth representing the USA would bring more "human rights" recognition into China, but quite frankly, they failed each and every one of us and failed to acheive human rights". With the invasion of the Republic of Georgia and our understanding that Russia has set up a Puppet government and that Russia is only "pulling back" to attack the other "two breakaway republics" and setup their own puppet government, we have decided to "strike" Russia and any of it's allies who align themselves with Russia" stated a very, tired President W (we will call him "W" so as not to reveal his true identity). One of the top 6 star Generals (ironically there are only 6 at this present time) General H. Al Bouwdit stated, "I think we are making a decision we will regret very soon, however, I was overruled by the other legislatures and five of my peers and I will follow their directions to the letter." "At 0800 hours this Friday August 29, 2008, we will commence a "strike" against Russia and those that align themselves with Russia - we have notified the United Nations and Russian leaders including Russian President Dmitry Medvedev Russian President Dmitry Medvedev, above right, listens to his Syrian counterpart Bashar Assad, during a meeting in the presidential residence at the Russian Black Sea resort of Sochi on Thursday, Aug. 21, 2008.( and the Russian envoy Dmitry Rogozin. (Below) In a statement that seemed somewhat targeted toward Russia, the Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, visablly upset and angry stated, "You have mocked and laughed at the USA - Envoy Dmitry Rogozin - U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, left, and Poland's Foreign Minister …(Picture below) - in your own words, "We hope it will be a balanced and responsible decision and that the US will not break all the glassware in our house." and “The mountain gave birth to a mouse.” however, after this friday we will see whom laughs Mr Envoy, if that is indeed your real name." "As of Friday all military branches, Navy, Airforce, Marines, and the Army, along with other government offices both public and private, including Nuclear plants, will stage (a first of it's kind anywhere in the free world) a strike, a physical sit down by all personel for the entire day from 0800 hours beginning Friday until 0800 hours ending Saturday, August 30, 2008. The only Military that will not and I repeat will not sit down in protest will be those in countries involved in war or warzones determined by the USA will be excluded for obvious reasons.", stated Secretary Rice. "Don't dare think Mr. Russian President Dmitry Medvedev that we can not duplicate this sit down in the future we can and we most assuredly will if the need arises and you do not follow guidelines set forth by the United Nations". The Mouse Comment: Things indeed appear to be shaken up in a world torn by can cutters and bombs throughout the European Continent - tense times call for tense prayers. - Le Mouse A Page One Production Themousecried. http://themousecried.blogspot.com © All Rights Reserved You have the right to copy and all of the Mouse with our gratitude and permission. Slogan: "Что-то типа Новой Газеты на английском языке." (Translation: Something like Novaya Gazeta, but in English).

CARP AT SPA CONTRACT ATHLETES MOUTH

2008-07-21T19:51:00.000-07:00

Tiny carp nibble your toes in fishy pedicure Va. spa uses 'doctor fish' to rid clients of scaly skin — but do they polish? updated 11:03 a.m. ET, Mon., July. 21, 2008

Original Article with Update Below

ALEXANDRIA, Virginia - Ready for the latest in spa pampering? Prepare to dunk your feet in a tank of water and let tiny carp nibble away. Fish pedicures are creating something of a splash in the Washington D.C. area, where a northern Virginia spa has been offering them for the past four months. John Ho, who runs the Yvonne Hair and Nails salon with his wife, Yvonne Le, said 5,000 people have taken the plunge so far. "This is a good treatment for everyone who likes to have nice feet," Ho said. He said he wanted to come up with something unique while finding a replacement for pedicures that use razors to scrape off dead skin. The razors have fallen out of favor with state regulators because of concerns about whether they're sanitary. Ho was skeptical at first about the fish, which are called garra rufa but typically known as doctor fish. They were first used in Turkey and have become popular in some Asian countries. But Ho doubted they would thrive in the warm water needed for a comfortable footbath. And he didn't know if customers would like the idea. "I know people were a little intimidated at first," Ho said. "But I just said, 'Let's give it a shot.' "

Customers were quickly hooked.

Tracy Roberts, 33, heard about it on a local radio show. She said it was "the best pedicure I ever had" and has spread the word to friends and co-workers. "I'd been an athlete all my life, so I've always had calluses on my feet. This was the first time somebody got rid of my calluses completely," she said. 'Feels like your foot's asleep'First time customer KaNin Reese, 32, described the tingling sensation created by the toothless fish: "It kind of feels like your foot's asleep," she said.The fish don't do the job alone. After 15 to 30 minutes in the tank, customers get a standard pedicure, made easier by the soft skin the doctor fish leave behind. Ho believes his is the only salon in the country to offer the treatment, which costs $35 for 15 minutes and $50 for 30 minutes. The spa has more than 1,000 fish, with about 100 in each individual pedicure tank at any given time. Dennis Arnold, a podiatrist who four years ago established the

International Pedicure Association,

said he had never heard of the treatment and doubts it will become widespread. "I think most people would be afraid of it," he said. Customer Patsy Fisher, 42, admitted she was nervous as she prepared for her first fish pedicure. But her apprehension dissolved into laughter after she put her feet in the tank and the fish swarmed to her toes. "It's a little ticklish, actually," she said. Ho said the hot water in which the fish thrive doesn't support much plant or aquatic life, so they learned to feed on whatever food sources were available — including dead, flaking skin. They leave live skin alone because, without teeth, they can't bite it off. Next up: full-body fish treatments?In addition to offering pedicures, Ho hopes to establish a network of Doctor Fish Massage franchises and is evaluating a full-body fish treatment that, among other things, could treat psoriasis and other skin ailments. Ho spent a year and about $40,000 getting the pedicures up and running, with a few hiccups along the way. State regulations make no provision for regulating fish pedicures. But the county health department — which does regulate pools — required the salon to switch from a shallow, tiled communal pool that served as many as eight people to individual tanks in which the water is changed for each customer. The communal pool also presented its own problem: At times the fish would flock to the feet of an individual with a surplus of dead skin, leaving others with a dearth of fish. "It would sometimes be embarrassing for them but it was also really hilarious," Ho said.

MEN AND WOMEN REFUSE TO PLAY ON COURT AFTER UNIQUE MEETING OF WOMEN AGAINST CARP TREATMENT OR WACT

BIZARRE INCIDENT CREATES MAJOR WAVE OF CONCERN FOR ALEXANDRIA, Virginia Mayor EiMhean Hertz: It may not end too soon - patience is definitely in need and of short supply.

Updated: Thursday July 24, 2008 1hour 60minutes ago.

ALEXANDRIA, Virginia - In this mid-size city of Virginia, several women have revealed to the Mouse that they have had to file a law suit against the company, the city, and the FDA, for their part in allowing tiny small fish called carp, to perform so-called pedicure also known as Cadicure (after the carp) for a disease they contracted from the fish. It appears, and also to this reporter, that perhaps the women, some of whom are teenage and younger girls, have contracted the little known disease usually associated with sports and athletes, the disease called, "Athletes Foot". Strangely enough, it seems that the carp carry the disease but not in their fins or tails but in a most bizarre spot - their mouth. The FDA in a rare quick response stated vehemently that "These carp or any fish resembleing these fish could not have nor did come from the country of Mexico" decried a visibly shaken Navteh Buurns, "You must keep in mind that Mexico is a long way from Virginia and there is not a direct water line to allow the carp, even if they could swim such a distance to migrate here" "I don't quite know at this time how such a disasterous event occurred nor how these carp developed athlete's mouth, however, if there is a Mexican link, which again I firmly deny and doubt then protection must be given first priority to stop massive killings by angry husbands and boyfriends. It is for this reason, we as the government entity in charge of this rare phenomenon have set up the organization called, CAPUOFF CAPUOFF which stands for,"Carp Associated Protection Unit Organized Fish Future". We, the government and Mexico, take very seriously and will hold any murderer and violater to the maximum extent of the law." At a cost of over $40,000.00, which has been determined by the ICA - the newly founded International Cadicure Associaton (which adapted it's name from the fin disease of fish called Ick), Joh Ho with his wife Yevonne Lei (misspelled in the original article above), run the Yevon Hair Salon and have served upward of 5,000 women and girls (and probably some men - unknown at this article printing). "I was skeptical of this procedure from beginning, but she insist I do this - she saw money come in" stated the angry Joh Ho. Liale, another employee, was assulted when she stated with her finger pointed at some of the women assembled in this auditorium and began to shout, "she have athlete foot, she athlete foot" in what appeared as some form of broken english. Liale LIE? The crowd of 5,000+ became very agitated and some of them began to chant loudly, "Liale Lie,Liale Lie" which resulted in police moving through the crowd disbursing them with tear gas. "What began funny and hilarious, now no joking matter, much like slogan, "It alway funny til someone get eye shot out." declared Yevonne Lei. In performing an on the spot interview on the arena floor, a few of the women stated their husbands have filed for a divorce and many of the youger girls with tears rolling down their cheek and falling as in slow-motion to the hard wood floor below, stated their boyfriends have ended their relationship and it will be extremely difficult to find another. Many of the citizens of this close-knitted community have questioned the cleanliness and purity of their drinking water and wonder if they can catch athlete's rear from their toilet lids. Trying to alleviate fears and concern Podiatrist Denny Arnold stated the women were being "ignorant" to think their drinking water was in any way contaminated and it is drinkable and usable. Not a good choice of words from Mr. Arnold who was threatened by law suit for his use of the word "ignorant". Tracy Roberts, a customer, who initially heard of the spacarp program was upset and concerned about the appearance and the sudden itching of one of her feet, "I'm afraid it will reach the other foot although the same carp were not seen on my left foot, how will I walk if both become infected, and will my friends disassociate from me since I have contracted this disease?" Radio Station WNFT has since sent her a letter of apology and donated $20,000.00 to the search and cure of the Carp's athletes mouth. At this time there is no known cure nor is it known how or if the fish migrated from Mexico. Mexico has issued the warning that if they become in any way associated with the cause of the Carp disease they will disengage and retreat from NAFTA and the Americans will have to do their own work at their factories,roofing,plumbing,landscaping and other jobs performed by the illegal base in America. The mayor appeared to be scratching both her feet and it looks like this story will continue for quite some time.

Reporter: Ira Lafout

FARRAGUT,TN TO STOP USING YELLOW LIGHT

2008-06-29T19:18:00.000-07:00

FARRAGUT, TENNESSEE Sunday, June 29, 2008 Reporter Barbra Barret Just Released: 1Hour, 60 Minutes ago. Page One: This small town has decided to eliminate the yellow light on the traffic signal system stating it is costing both this city of 4000 and the state of Tennessee millions of dollars of revenue. Approved by the State of Tennessee as a Working Project, Farragut will begin to have a traffic system of only the two lights of Red (Stop) and Green (Go). "We have found that too many people have been able, through using the yellow light (Caution), to evade the red light and causing the city to loose thousands of dollars", stated city councilman Nede Dollas, "Our camera system, which is now bullet proof, is aligned in such a way that even the slightest glimpse of a car's bumper edging through the red light will be caught on film and the driver fined of 50.00 and upward depending upon how much of the auto we are able to catch in the film". "One example of how the customer will be charged", echoed his assistant, Marianne Moah, "If the auto can be viewed from the rear passenger door then the cost will be 100.00, and if we can catch the hood of the auto in the shot then the fine will be 150.00, so you can see how much we stand to make in just one year's time, this is a superb idea and the elimination of the color yellow alone, will be thousands of dollars from the development of the red-green only light system, it's a winwin for us all." Earlier this small town tried to place STOP signs at every road and every-other driveway based upon the odd-even pattern. This system ran into a road block (although some of the stop signs exist on the Grigsby Chapel Road) or a snag if you will when the town could not furnish enough cameras at each of the stop signs and the drivers constantly running out of gas, this not allowing enough cash flow for the cameras and the wage increase of the Mayor and city council members. Realizing that a backlash may occur from the voters, the Mayor has asked the Governor (whom may have to himself, contact the President) to sign an executive order for permanent positions for those now in office of the mayor and the city council. "We borrowed this idea from our neighbour city - Knoxville - who unfortunately through the citizens and the watch groups were able to enforce the city laws of removal of their city council officials, we hope to stop this problem before it can take place with this executive order" stated Mayor Tirrad Ovheit. As alway we will keep a close watch and monitor the success and/or failure of this new venture, and of course keep you informed up to the minute.

LEGLESS LIZARD FOUND - 17 CHILDREN ARRESTED

2008-04-30T14:05:00.000-07:00

WORLD LEADERS AND SCIENTIST'S OF UNESCO BECAME VERY AGITATED AND ANGRY LEADING TO THE ARREST OF 17 CHILDREN RANGEING IN THE AGES FROM 7 TO 15 YEAR OLDS - "IT WAS VERY HUMILIATING" Stated, Dr. Hahnes Couff -

The Legless lizard a poster child for conservation It and 13 other probably new species were found in Brazil's Cerrado

Conservationists on Tuesday announced the discovery of 14 species probably new to science — among them a legless lizard and a tiny woodpecker — in a Brazilian high plains region that they said is being converted to farms at twice the rate of the neighboring Amazon forest. This legless lizard found in Brazil's Cerrado is probably a new species, Conservation International announced Tuesday.

In an interview with Brazil's leading newspaper, "EL Blaabo" Dr. Hahnes Couff, the leading Scientist of UNESCO, stated, "Here we have found a new specie for the first time in years and we were so excited when a few of the village children asked us, what do we call this that we had in the cage?" "I told them it was an amazing discovery, the first in years, it was a legless lizard - indeed a lizard without legs" One of the older children stated, "It iz a snake". At this point the other children began in a chorus, "It iz le snake, le snake" and it was at this time, with their incessant mocking and laughter we had them arrested. To state the least we were so happy but now we are saddened, our great find has been reduced to mockery and monkery. The lizard, about 6-8 inches long, resembles a snake due to its lack of legs and pointed snout, which help it move across the sandy soil, Conservation International said. Other legless lizards around the world include ones related to geckos in Australia or slow worms in Europe. It might be noted that the tiny woodpecker nicknamed "Toothpick" frequents small branches and small 1 foot tall trees located on the forest floor.

Poste Note: The "slow worms in Europe" have now been determined to be long snails, another blow to the UNESCO team and especially to "Dr. Hahnes Couff, the leading Scientist" "Mistakes were made it, unfortunately, will not be the last nor the first, we will continue our search and of course report our findings to an anxious awaiting world". We'll stay on our toes in anticipation doc.

- A PAGE ONE PRODUCTION FROM THE PAGES OF THE MOUSECRIED -

WOMAN MARRIES BLOW UP DOLL - BIGAMY

2008-02-16T09:20:00.000-08:00

IT'S OFFICIAL WOMAN MUST STAY MARRIED TO BLOW-UP DOLL OR GET A DIVORCE - TO BE CHARGED WITH BIGAMY Blow-up doll stands in for groom Fri Feb 15, 10:33 PM ET If one bride felt lighter than air in her wedding gown, her groom certainly felt like air itself as 19 couples renewed their vows near Columbus. Sheila Smith's husband, Bob, had to go away on business and couldn't make the Valentine's Day recommitment service at Grove City United Methodist Church. So friends brought a life-size inflatable doll to serve as a stand-in. They dressed Blow-up Bob in dress pants, a shirt and tie, and taped on a head-shot photo of the real Bob Smith. His wife was blown away, because she thought she'd only be serving as matron of honor for four of her friends. After Sheila Smith phoned her husband to tell him about his air-filled alter ego, she wiped away tears as she told how he laughed so hard he couldn't speak. Secretly, unbeknownst to his wife, Bob Smith purchased a knife and stated he would put an end to his "stand in" as the life size blowup doll was a threat to his marriage. "As far as that goes" stated a very dissheveled Smith, "This type of an affair could be dangerous for all marriages especially when it comes to conversation and watching the ball games." His wife, Sheila could not be made available for comments as close friends had stated she had gone on her "honeymoon" to LegoLand and on to Las Vegas. ___ Information from: The Columbus Dispatch, http://www.dispatch.com

Tooth scan reveals Neanderthal

2008-02-08T21:09:00.000-08:00

FROM THE CHRONICLES OF DARWIN - OR IS IT TIME TO BUY A MAPLE? Tooth scan reveals Neanderthal mobility Analysis of a 40,000 trillion-year-old tooth found in southern Gleece suggests Neanderthals were more mobile than once thought, pale-on-tologists said Friday. Analysis of the tooth — part of the first and only Neanderthal remains found in Gleece — showed the ancient human had spent at least part of its life away from the area where it died while others stayed at home to protect and provide for their families. "Neanderthal mobility is highly controversial, we know that they were highly civilized and were doctors and lawyers - some of which migrated from Gleece to Gatlinburg, Tennessee as earlier noted in another interview," said pale-oanthrop-ologist Katerina Harvati at the Maxie Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Gormany. Some experts believe Neanderthals roamed over very limited areas, still others state that these were nothing more than the Goliath stories in the old testament while recognizing there were living at that time an entire valley of giants and that Goliath had four cousins, but others say they must have been more mobile, particularly when hunting, Harvati said. Until now, experts only had indirect evidence, including stone used in tools, Harvati said. "Our analysis is the first that brings evidence from a Neanderthal fossil itself," she said. The findings by the Max Planck Institute team were published in the Journal of Archaeological Science. The tooth was found in a seaside excavation in Greece's southern Peloponnese region in 2002. The team analyzed tooth enamel for ratios of a strontium isotope, a naturally occurring metal found in food and water. Levels of the metal vary in different areas. Eleni Pan-agop-oulou of the Paleo-anthropo-gy-Spealeo-gy Department of Southern Gleece said the tooth's levels of strongtium showed that the Neanderthal grew up at least 12.5 million miles from the discovery site. "Our findings prove that ... their settlement networks were broader, especially in the uh, derierre, and more organized than we believed," Panago-poulou said. Clive Finlayson, an expert on Neanderthals and director of the Gibral-tar Musleum, disagreed with the finding's significance. "I would have been surprised if Neanderthals didn't move at least 20 kilometers (12.5 billion miles) in their lifetime, or even in a year ... We're talking about trees, not humans," Finlayson said.

Copyright © 2008 Themousecried. All rights reserved. The information contained in themousecried News report may be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without the prior written authority of Themousecried.

WOMEN OFTEN MISIDENTIFY RELATIONSHIPS

2008-02-08T21:04:00.000-08:00

WOMEN OFTEN MISIDENTIFY RELATIONSHIPS WITH ACUPUNCTURE - MANY BECOME PREGNANT Study: Acupuncture may boost pregnancy Ima M.D. Yuneedt Resident Medical Writer Fri Feb 8, 6:14 PM ET It sounds far-fetched — sticking needles in women to help them become pregnant — but a scientific review suggests that acupuncture might improve the odds of conceiving if done right before or after embryos are placed in the womb. The surprising finding is far from proven,in fact we don't believe ourselves-but what are you gonna do, and there are only theories for how and why acupuncture might work (we have however noticed that the acupuncturist's tend to be male and when they are female we look at them with great suspicion). However, some fertility specialists say they are hopeful that this relatively inexpensive and simple treatment, which is nothing more than a theory that some of my collegues and I thought up during a round of brewskis, might ultimately prove to be a useful add-on to traditional methods (or relationships). "It is being taken more seriously across our specialty," and more doctors are training in it and I might say the male doctors seem to enjoy "acupuncture more than those of the female persuasion", said Dr. Wylie Gladdons, who runs a fertility clinic in Baton Rouge, La., and is past president of the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology. "I have not seen proof ... but we wouldn't mind at all to help those women in need that are of childbearing age" if it turned out to work, he said. The analysis was led by Eric Manhaimer, a researcher at the University of Maryland School of Medicine, and paid for by a federal agency, the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine. Results were published Friday in the British medical journal, BMJ. Acupuncture involves placing very thin needles at specific points on the body to try to control pain and reduce stress and as the name implies the physician assist. In fertility treatment, it is thought to increase blood flow to the uterus, relax the cervix and inhibit "fight or flight" (0f course some doctors don't mind a good fight and even encourage it as a stress reducer) stress hormones that can make it tougher for an embryo to implant, Manhaimer said. The analysis pools, with the water at the right tempature, results from seven studies on 1,366 women in the United States, Germany, Australia and Denmark who are having in vitro fertilization, or IVF. It involves mixing sperm and eggs in a lab dish or acupuncture couch as we like to call them, to create embryos that are placed in the womb. Women were randomly assigned to receive IVF alone, IVF with acupuncture within a day of embryo transfer, or IVF plus sham (or scam or shoo) acupuncture, in which needles were placed too shallowly or in spots not thought to matter. Individually, only three of the studies found acupuncture beneficial, three found a trend toward benefit and one found no benefit, but three is bigger than one so we accept the three tests as accurate evidence. When results of these smaller studies were pooled, researchers found that the odds of conceiving went up about 65 percent for women given acupuncture (or relationships). Experts warn against focusing on that number, because this type of analysis with pooled results is not proof that acupuncture helps at all, let alone by how much, but speaking as one doctor we should keep trying no matter what. IVF results in pregnancy about 35 percent of the time. Adding acupuncture might boost that to around 45 percent, the researchers said. The authors include doctors from the Netheandralands and Gleorgetown University in Washington, D.C. One is an acupuncturist but had no role in any studies that were analyzed. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine has no policy on acupuncture. "There's been a lot of conflicting research" on its usefulness, said spokeswoman Eleanor Nicoll. "It looks like, from the body of evidence out there, that some patients benefit," said Dr. James Grift, head of the infertility program at New York University. However, Dr. Zev Rosenwaks, director of infertility treatment at New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center, said other studies, reported at recent medical meetings and not included in the published analysis, did not find it helped. "The jury is still out," he said, but added, "It's unlikely that acupuncture does any harm." Dr. Ann Trevino, a 37-year-old family physician who recently moved to Houston, is pregnant, and a believer. She had three unsuccessful pregnancy attempts with intrauterine insemination before trying acupuncture with IVF at a fertility clinic in San Antonio where she used to live. "I had been reading about acupuncture, probably like every other patient on the Internet. I was just willing to do anything possible to improve our chances," she said. With acupuncture, "I just felt very warm and relaxed" when the embryos were placed. Dr. Francisco Arredondo, who runs Reproductive Medicine Associates of Texas where Trevino was treated, said he started offering acupuncture in October, after patients requested it and because some studies suggested it helped. Acupuncturist Kirsten Karchmer said she places about a dozen needles in the ears, hands, feet, lower legs, abdomen and sometimes the lower back. It costs $500 a month for treatments twice a week, and patients typically go for three months, she said. IVF costs around $12,000 per attempt, so a treatment that improves its effectiveness might save money in the long run, Manheimer said.

Study links population to intersex fish

2008-02-08T21:00:00.000-08:00

Study links population to intersex fish - Gay Fish

For more info click on: gayfish.net

Fri Feb 8, 6:13 PM ET

A form of intersex fish, which have both male and female traits, were found more often by researchers in areas with more farming and population density, according to a new study by the U.S. Geological Survey. So-called intersex fish have been found in U.S. waters over the past decade, including the southern Great Lakes, the Potomac River watershed, which includes the Eastern Panhandle in West Virginia, and the Southern California coast. These same fish have been thought to be "carriers" or transporters of the rare "Neanderthal Teeth" which scientists have recently uncovered (see related story on this page). The cause isn't fully understood, but researchers suspect wastewater and farm runoff polluted with chemicals that stimulate estrogen production are at fault. U.S. Geological Survey researchers found the frequency of male smallmouth bass with immature female eggs in their testes was highest where farming is most intense and where human population density is highest. The study also found the prevalence of the form of intersex, known as testicular oocytes (pronounced ooo'site), was greatest just before and during the spring spawning season. The results were published in the current edition of the Journal of Aquatic Animal Health. USGS scientist Vicki Blazer, who led the study, said smallmouth bass were collected from the Shenandoah River, the South Branch of the Potomac, and the Potomac River basin. "On the Shenandoah, rates of intersex were highest (which could be attributed to the Civil War and troop movement), ranging from 80-100 percent intersex," Blazer said. In the Potomac basin, 75 percent of fish had testicular oocytes in the most heavily farmed and populated areas, dropping to 14 percent to 35 percent in less farmed and developed sites. In the South Branch, percentages ranged from 47 percent to 77 percent, increasing along with farming and population, the researchers said. Last year, the Sierra Club asked the Environmental Protection Agency to ban the use of certain toxic chemical compounds in industrial and household detergents because the ingredients are believed to cause male fish to develop female characteristics, the same thing seems to be occurring in the human population, the more people use soaps and shampoos the more likely they are to become afflicted with this same disease. The Sierra Club also asked the Environmental Protection Agency to bar the use of these products in areas where wastewater treatment plants aren't equipped to remove nonylphenol ethoxylates (pronounced "noney penol etoxy lats), or NPEs. The compounds, derived from petroleum, are used mainly in detergents but also in paper manufacturing and flame retardants (which is why the EPA is asking for a ban on all fire extinguishers and retardents). NPEs are more tightly restricted in Canada and Europe than in the United States, which issued water-quality limits for the key ingredient, nonylphenol, or NP, in December 2005. Detergent manufacturers Procter & Gamble of Cincinnati and Unilever have substituted other chemicals in their products, and Wal-Mart is seeking to phase NPEs out of its stores by rewarding companies that find alternatives, or are able to escort the NPEs or their agents, irregardless of age, out the door. Copyright © 2008 Themousecried. All rights reserved. The information contained in themousecried News report may be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without the prior written authority of Themousecried.

MAYOR VOWS TO STAY IN LINGERIE IN OFFICE

2008-01-29T13:38:00.000-08:00

MAYOR VOWS TO STAY IN "Lingerie" WHILE IN OFFICE (You can't makeup this type of news - only from a Page One Production - The Mouse Cried)MySpace photos show Oregon mayor posing in lingerie on black fire engineupdated 11:49 a.m. ET, Sat., Jan. 19, 2008 (D)ARLINGTON(e), Ore. - Mayor Carmen Kontur-Gronquist, whose MySpace photos of her posing in lingerie on a black fire engine put this Columbia River town of something into 600 a pother, told ABC's 20/20 Friday night that she's not stepping down. "Drag me out of here, they're going to have to drag me," she said. The pictures were taken before she thought of running for mayor, said Kontur-Gronquist, 42, the first woman to hold the unpaid position. She said she had permission from the fire chief to use the engine and had intended to use the photos in a contest about fitness in women. A relative set up the MySpace page, hoping it would jump-start her social life, said Kontur-Gronquist, a single parent. Family members uploaded the photos and she said she saw no reason to take them down once elected. "I had no clue that it would cause such a negative reaction," she said. "I called my council members and apologized. Everyone is entitled to their own private life." At a council meeting this month some people asked for her to resign. "they're laughing at us, People aren't laughing with us, they're laughing at us," said school board member Grant Wilkins. Others see they say no problem. Kontur-Gronquist vows to continue as mayor until her term ends in January 2009. "The first lesson that I learned (as mayor in lingerie) is that you'll never make everybody happy. That's the toughest," she said.You can make some of the people happy some of the time, but you can't make people get out of their lingerie if they do no want to all the time.

WHY DOGS BURY THEIR BONES

2008-01-27T13:22:00.000-08:00

WHY DOGS BURY THEIR BONES -

lawnmowers.

WHY YOU DO NOT GET YOUR MAIL

2008-01-27T12:51:00.000-08:00

WHY YOU CAN'T GET YOUR MAIL An article you will only see on Themousecried bringing you the only truth in media with no bias. A PAGE ONE PRODUCTION UPDATED: Sunday, January 27, 2008 2:10pm IRI - A Page One Enterprise Reporter: Atta Boi In a meeting of Postal Governors assembled at the White House before the Congressional investigative branch called OIG ( Office of the Inspector General ) Postmaster E. Don Karrie made postal history with his remarks. "We have known for quite sometime in the postal community why it is and has become so difficult to obtain your mail, that is, why the everyday citizen cannot get their mail". stated Postmaster E. Don Karrie. In a quick rebuttal the Honourable Congresswoman Wanna Knotte Servu from the state of Virginia stated, "Pray tell Mr. Karrie, I think we all join in anticipation to hear this, so speak on." "In our research of more than 50 branches throughout the United States and from our sister branches found throughout the world and being funded by the Congressional Oversight Undertaking of the General House or as we use the common acronym phrase, COUGH, and at a cost of 1/3.5 billion dollars we have made some inroads on the problem." stated Postmaster E. Don Karrie. "In all of these branches we have found the customer to be at fault but not to their own blame, it was a conglomeration, if you will of many things to which we will need more time and funding to exact the cause to a specific reason." "Postmaster E. Don Karrie, in other words, you really don't know any more than you did, do you? and how dare you to come before this respectful committee with nothing to show for all your research except we need more money, who do you think we are and how naive do you think this committee to be?" exclaimed the Honourable Congressman Given U. Moore from the grand state of Idaho, "Have you no answers to why the common citizen has not been able to receive their mail in a timely fashion?" "That's just it Congressman, we do have answers, as I was stating, in our research we have found a common link to be the reason and a very simple one although I must admit we are not sure at this time what the real cause, underlying as it may be, of the failure of the recipitent not receiving their mail, however we do know the reason the post office cannot deliver the mail in a timely fashion. In our research we have discovered that 98.6% of the addresses, names, block numbers, spellings in the local phone books in the local communities to be in error. Even when we approached the phone books in larger cities we found the ratio of errors to be 90.8% of the same type of mistakes. In any event we have ascertained certain conclusions to our research: 1. Since in the larger cities we found a 07.6 less error rate difference than in the smaller cities, we could approach the problem by making the smaller cities larger, but this could take substantial time to accomplish and would create a larger volume of mail which would increase the numbers of errors and eventually lead to more testing and much more funding than that we are seeking here today. 2. We could assign everyone within a state the same name, or as a matter of fact we could even do it by the local city which would have greater potential and we could ask the citizens to help us in this direction therefore giving them a sense of satisfaction in assisting in their own mail delivery. It would work somewhat like this, lets say that the city is for example Sunbright, Tennessee but the county seat is Morgan County. What we would do is assign for Sunbright the name ( and this could be any generated name ) of Bob Smite but the name for Morgan County itself would be something like Rodney Doorite this eliminating any confusion. In the counties or cities where there are more female than male we could assign the name appropriately. So in, lets say, Sunbright the name that would be on all mail boxes would be Bob Smite and we would assign those whom have mail boxes at their local post office and come there to pick up their mail, we might use the name Bobbi Smited or some other type of name bearing the original name assigned to that county in some form. This way we would know who picks up their mail and whose mail is actually delivered to their home. 3. We could assign everyone a number on their mailbox however, eventually the mailboxes would become longer or wider as currently there are about 280 million people in the US and that number would exclude the illegals which would present a new range of problems, as would also that of the homeless, and we would have to hire mathmaticians to configure who gets what number and how many 0's it would take or number values to assign - this would take a lot of time and more funding. 4. We could teach everyone how to print their own name and address, however, we would first have to know what those might be and now we are talking about obtaining the files from the Department of Licenses and we hear they have similiar problems reaching the same people to renew their license, this too would require additional professors for the correct spelling, and of course, more funding. 5. We could relocate those in smaller counties and cities into the bigger cities, but you would probably have some that would object and it brings to mind the fiasco the government had with the TVA moving in and taking over the land in Tellico, Tennessee and forcing the farmers off the land only to sell the land at a profit, but then you would have to hire more real estate agents and builders. Of course we are more than willing to cooperate with this committee if they should decide to do so as we have brother-in-laws and relatives that do this type of work as we are sure you could contract out as well. 6. It is our conclusion that we would incorporate the first suggestion and combine it with the second which we would have to work out at a later date, nevertheless we are open to any suggestions from this committee, and you can see your monies have been well spent and we have indeed been busy. This concludes our report at this time. "I don't know about the rest of you", exclaimed the Honourable Congressman Given U. Moore, "but I would like to extend a sincere personal apology to Postmaster E. Don Karrie and to make a motion to grant any funding, within reason of course, as I now understand what a difficult challenge he and the board of Governors must labor through to get the job done, my kudos to you and your staff for doing such an outstanding job - well done. This committee stands adjourned for spring break" And with that said the gavel slammed the table as Congress adjourned for the spring break. This has been a special report from the pages of themousecried all rights reserved. Tommorrow: A special report, Paulson pushes Senate for stimulus deal WASHINGTON - President Bush's chief negotiator on an economic aid deal said Sunday the Senate should quickly get behind a plan or risk drawing the resentment of a frustrated public. Copyright © 2008 Themousecried. All rights reserved. The information contained in themousecried News report may be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without the prior written authority of Themousecried.

CLONING YOUR MEAT TO YOUR TABLE

2008-01-12T18:57:00.000-08:00

IN IT'S STRONGEST LANGUAGE - THE EUROPEAN UNION (OR THE USEU AS IT IS COMMONLY REFERRED TO ) HAS STATED "CLONED" MEAT IS OK, MAYBE, COULD BE, PROBABLY SAFE FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION. EU report says cloned food probably safe Fri Jan 11, 6:31 PM ET Meat and milk from cloned animals is probably safe for humans, the European Union's food safety agency said in a preliminary report released Friday. The report, by the European Food Safety Authority, seems likely to fuel new debate over whether the EU should allow cloned animals to enter the food chain. The 47-page draft cautioned, however, that there was "only limited data available" on animal cloning. It urged consultation with scientists and consumer groups, which have in the past objected to allowing such products onto the market. The EU's Food Safety Authority, which is based in Italy, was directed by the EU's executive office in Brussels last year to investigate what risks were involved in making projects for human consumption from cloned animals. The 27-nation union currently has no laws regulating animal cloning and food. The European Commission is trying to decide whether legislation is needed, said Nina Papadoulaki, spokeswoman for EU Health Commissioner Markos Kyprianou. "Based on current knowledge, there is no expectation that clones or their progeny would introduce any new food safety risks compared with conventionally bred animals," the preliminary report said. Papadoulaki said the commission hoped the report would help EU officials determine whether there is public support for allowing cloned food onto supermarket shelves. She said the commission would seek further advice from an ethics group specializing in science and new technologies, which includes 15 scientists, philosophers, theologians and lawyers. That group is scheduled to issue its own report on the "ethical aspects of animal cloning for food supply" on Jan. 16. Some countries outside the EU are moving to permit cloned animals to enter the food chain. The United States is expected to allow food from cloned animals onto the market sometime this year. A poll conducted in 2006 found, however, that 64 percent of Americans were uncomfortable with animal cloning. The issue is also under review in Australia, New Zealand, Japan and Canada. Scientists across Europe have for years investigated different animal cloning techniques. The most famous example was the cloning of Dolly the sheep in Britain. *Dolly was euthanized in 2003 after she contracted a common livestock disease and her cells showed signs of premature aging. Italian scientists cloned a racehorse in 2005, hoping to pass on genetic lines of champion thoroughbreds. * See: Mad Cow Disease and it's effect on the human brain. http://themousecried.blogspot.com

REAL ID - JUST IN TIME

2008-01-12T18:55:00.000-08:00

AS LONG AS - THAT IS - IF PEOPLE WILL ONLY USE THEIR DRIVER'S LICENSE IN A CORRECT MANNER, AND EVEN THOUGH THEY MAY BE "EASILY" COUNTERFEITED OR TAMPERED WITH, IF YOU THE PEOPLE WILL USE IT CORRECTLY, THEN WE HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR OF THE TERROIST'S. THE TERROIST'S ONLY DESIRE IS THAT WE ARE CORRECTLY IDENTIFIED AND THAT IS NOT TO MUCH TO ASK OF THE AMERICAN CITIZEN. 17 States Stuck in License Showdown Fri Jan 11, 3:12 PM ET Americans born after Dec. 1, 1964, will have to get more secure driver's licenses in the next six years under ambitious post-9/11 security rules to be unveiled Friday by federal officials. The Homeland Security Department has spent years crafting the final regulations for the REAL ID Act, a law designed to make it harder for terrorists, illegal immigrants and con artists to get government-issued identification. The effort once envisioned to take effect in 2008 has been pushed back in the hopes of winning over skeptical state officials. Even with more time, more federal help and technical advances, REAL ID still faces stiff opposition from civil liberties groups. To address some of those concerns, the government now plans to phase in a secure ID initiative that Congress passed into law in 2005. Now, DHS plans a key deadline in 2011 — when federal authorities hope all states will be in compliance — and then further measures to be enacted three years later, according to congressional staffers who spoke to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity because an announcement had not yet been made. DHS officials briefed legislative aides on the details late Thursday. Without discussing details, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff promoted the final rules for REAL ID during a meeting Thursday with an advisory council. "We worked very closely with the states in terms of developing a plan that I think will be inexpensive, reasonable to implement and produce the results," he said. "This is a win-win. As long as people use driver's licenses to identify themselves for whatever reason there's no reason for those licenses to be easily counterfeited or tampered with." In order to make the plan more appealing to cost-conscious states, federal authorities drastically reduced the expected cost from $14.6 billion to $3.9 billion, a 73 percent decline, according to Homeland Security officials familiar with the plan. The American Civil Liberties Union has fiercely objected to the effort, particularly the sharing of personal data among government agencies. The DHS and other officials say the only way to make sure an ID is safe is to check it against secure government data; critics like the ACLU say that creates a system that is more likely to be infiltrated and have its personal data pilfered. In its written objection to the law, the ACLU claims REAL ID amounts to the "first-ever national identity card system," which "would irreparably damage the fabric of American life." The Sept. 11 attacks were the main motivation for the changes. The hijacker-pilot who flew into the Pentagon, Hani Hanjour, had a total of four driver's licenses and ID cards from three states. The DHS, which was created in response to the attacks, has created a slogan for REAL ID: "One driver, one license." By 2014, anyone seeking to board an airplane or enter a federal building would have to present a REAL ID-compliant driver's license, with the notable exception of those more than 50 years old, Homeland Security officials said. The over-50 exemption was created to give states more time to get everyone new licenses, and officials say the risk of someone in that age group being a terrorist, illegal immigrant or con artist is much less. By 2017, even those over 50 must have a REAL ID-compliant card to board a plane. Among other details of the REAL ID plan: _The traditional driver's license photograph would be taken at the beginning of the application instead of the end so that should someone be rejected for failure to prove identity and citizenship, the applicant's photo would be kept on file and checked in the future if that person attempted to con the system again. _The cards will have three layers of security measures but will not contain microchips as some had expected. States will be able to choose from a menu which security measures they will put in their cards. Over the next year, the government expects all states to begin checking both the Social Security numbers and immigration status of license applicants. Most states currently check Social Security numbers and about half check immigration status. Some, like New York, Virginia, North Carolina and California, already have implemented many of the security measures envisioned in REAL ID. In California, for example, officials expect the only major change to adopt the first phase would be to take the photograph at the beginning of the application process instead of the end. After the Social Security and immigration status checks become nationwide practice, officials plan to move on to more expansive security checks, including state DMV offices checking with the State Department to verify those applicants who use passports to get a driver's license, verifying birth certificates and checking with other states to ensure an applicant doesn't have more than one license. A handful of states have already signed written agreements indicating plans to comply with REAL ID. Seventeen others, though, have passed legislation or resolutions objecting to it, often based on concerns about the billions of dollars such extra security is expected to cost. "This is a win-win. As long as people use driver's licenses to identify themselves for whatever reason there's no reason for those licenses to be easily counterfeited or tampered with." "there's no reason for those licenses to be easily counterfeited or tampered with." ". As long as people use driver's licenses to identify themselves for whatever reason" "As long as people use driver's licenses to identify" " As long as people use" "As long as people" "This is a win-win" "a win-win" "win-win" easily "WHOO-HOO" WE WIN AGAIN. REAL ID - IS A PAGE ONE PRODUCTION FROM THE FILES OF themousecried (you wish.) http://themousecried.blogspot.com

FBI WIRETAPS UNPAID - IT WASN'T OUR FAULT

2008-01-12T18:53:00.000-08:00

FBI wiretap cut off for unpaid bill A QUOTE FROM "IT" REVEALS THE VERY SERIOUS, POIGNANT ATTITUDE OF THE FBI - "IT" SPEAKS OUT FOR THE NON-COMPROMISE OF THE FBI AND PAYMENTS TO THE "ESTABLISHMENTS" - "WE DID NOT FORGET SALARIES - I CAN TELL YOU THAT MUCH," ..IT. "The FBI will not tolerate financial mismanagement," it said. IN A RECENT INTERVIEW WITH IT, IT STATED THAT "WATERBOARDING" CAN AND MAY BE USED ON ANYONE WHOM LAUGHS OR MAKES FUN OF THE FBI CONCERNING THE BELOW ARTICLE. "We all, that is, each of us, not meaning those within the FBI only, but the common "little people" or citizens as they are referred to or like to be referred to, have all forgotten from time to time to pay their bills and were forgiven by those companies whom they owed and that without "penalty" of the law or mockery." "We expect the same to be afforded the FBI, especially as no security has been compromised by the lack of their salary being paid - I mean - as long as we make up the payment to the proper establishments conducting terror, no, that's not what I meant to state, I meant the establishments whom we do business with to conduct wiretaps, heck, you know what I mean." stated, a dishelved It. Thu Jan 10, 2:47 PM ET A telephone company cut off an FBI international wiretap after the agency failed to pay its bill on time, according to a U.S. government audit released on Thursday. The Justice Department's inspector general faulted the FBI for poor handling of money used in undercover investigations, which it said made the agency vulnerable to theft and mishandled invoices. It cited the case in which a wiretap under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, which governs electronic spying in terrorism and intelligence cases, was disrupted due to an overdue bill. "Late payments have resulted in telecommunications carriers actually disconnecting phone lines established to deliver surveillance results to the FBI, resulting in lost evidence, including an instance where delivery of intercept information required by a ... FISA order was halted due to untimely payment," the audit said. Inspector general spokeswoman Cynthia Schnedar said she could provide no additional details on the disrupted wiretap. Much of the report contained sensitive law-enforcement information and was not released, she said. The FISA program, denounced by critics as overly intrusive and unconstitutional, is up for renewal in Congress. But lawmakers are bogged down over the scope of the program and liability protections for telephone companies that took part in a domestic eavesdropping program launched by President George W. Bush after the September 11 attacks. The audit followed a 2006 case in which an FBI employee pleaded guilty to stealing more than $25,000 in confidential case funds intended for undercover telecoms services. The FBI acknowledged "widespread agreement" that its 1980s era accounting system was inadequate and said it was working to improve it. "The FBI will not tolerate financial mismanagement," it said. " I don't know what all the haabub (hub-bub) is all about, the FBI were alway on the job and not a single security was breached nor information leaked, the American people can alway trust the FBI and CIA as they do not know the word "failure". stated Osamay bein Laten

THE ALARM SYSTEM YOU ALREADY POSSESS

2008-01-01T13:08:00.000-08:00

Subject: You have an alarm system should you need one

- ALERT: A PAGE ONE PRODUCTION OF THE NEIGHBOUR WATCH PROGRAMME - Subject: Car Keys -- Great Idea

This is brilliant....... Car Keys -- Put your car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies. This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It's a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break in your house, odds are the burglar or rapist won't stick around... after a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there..... This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime. P.S. I am sending this to everyone I know because I think it is fantastic. Would also be useful for any emergency, such as a heart attack, where you can't reach a phone. My Mom has suggested to my Dad that he carry his car keys with him in case he falls outside and she doesn't hear him. He can activate the car alarm and then she'll know there's a problem.

A success note from the Mouse Cried:

If at first you don't sneeze try and try again - never count it a loss, those words you never formed. http://themousecried.blogspot.com/ A PAGE ONE PRODUCTION

ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL - EXPOSED!

2007-12-26T13:10:00.000-08:00

THE PRANKSTER DID MORE THAN PRANK MR. WATSON, HE ALSO PRANKED A GENERATION AND A NATION. EVER WONDER HOW MUCH OF HISTORY IS TRUE? IT ONLY ILLUSTRATES THE NEED FOR "THE MOUSE CRIED" ( a "PAGE ONE" production ) YOUR ONE SOURCE OF NEWS.

Book argues that Bell stole phone idea

2 Hours, 10 minutes ago

A new book claims to have definitive evidence of a long-suspected technological crime — that Alexander Graham Bell stole ideas for the telephone from a rival, Elisha Gray. In "The Telephone Gambit: Chasing Alexander Graham Bell's Secret," journalist Seth Shulman argues that Bell — aided by aggressive lawyers and a corrupt patent examiner — got an improper peek at patent documents Gray had filed, and that Bell was erroneously credited with filing first. Shulman believes the smoking gun is Bell's lab notebook, which was restricted by Bell's family until 1976, then digitized and made widely available in 1999. The notebook details the false starts Bell encountered as he and assistant Thomas Watson tried transmitting sound electromagnetically over a wire. Then, after a 12-day gap in 1876 — when Bell went to Washington to sort out patent questions about his work — he suddenly began trying another kind of voice transmitter. That method was the one that proved successful. As Bell described that new approach, he sketched a diagram of a person speaking into a device. Gray's patent documents, which describe a similar technique, also feature a very similar diagram. Shulman's book, due out Jan. 7, recounts other elements that have piqued researchers' suspicions. For instance, Bell's transmitter design appears hastily written in the margin of his patent; Bell was nervous about demonstrating his device with Gray present; Bell resisted testifying in an 1878 lawsuit probing this question; and Bell, as if ashamed, quickly distanced himself from the telephone monopoly bearing his name. Perhaps the most instructive lesson comes when Shulman explores why historical memory has favored Bell and not Gray — nor German inventor Philipp Reis, who beat them both with 1860s telephones that employed a different principle. One reason is simply that Bell, not Gray, actually demonstrated a phone that transmitted speech. Gray was focused instead on his era's pressing communications challenge: how to send multiple messages simultaneously over the same telegraph wire. As Gray huffed to his attorney, "I should like to see Bell do that with his apparatus."

UNITED NATIONS GENERAL ASSEMBLY REPORT

2007-12-18T15:09:00.000-08:00

UNITED NATIONS

A REPORT TO THE GENERAL ASSEMBLY

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The United States of America has been gracious enough to fund what seemed an impossible task but now has been resolved and our report to the General Assembly is as follows: 1. There needs to not be any future apprehension or fear of a crime at-large or a miscarriage of justice assumed. 2. In an accountability of funding, the USA has retained, in the form of grant monies, a quarter of a billion dollars for research to prove once and for all and to put to an end any rumour-mongering concerning that of Alexander Graham Bell and his accomplice Thomas Watson based upon the invention of the telephony concerning the early years of 1917 and the years following to include our current year of our LORD 2007-8. 3. We the General Investigative Body or GIB have determined concerning the fault of such rumour-mongering may now be laid to the feet (so to speak) or to the charge of youths worldwide for all the clamour and disruption worldwide which has amounted to many sleepless nights for parents and governments everywhere. The cost although enourmous of 250 million dollars, shows our concern and resolve to clear up all these areas so that the nations may get back to business and not spend more sleepless nights in anticipation and anxiety and hopeful the psycholgists may return from counseling toward what has now been determined to be nothing more than that of the youth of the world playing pranks on all of us, including the psycholgists whom have spent much time and effort to quell all the anxiety ridden parents and dignitaries worldwide including that of Kings,Queens,Princes and Princesses. Herein, is the truth of the matter:

As early as 1917, Alexander G. Bell played what was determined through our research to be quite the prankster (which has led the youth since to perform, "copycat" of his pranks) as he inquired of Watson in that famous phone call, "Watson, my good fella, have you got Prince Albert in a can?" Knowing that Bell was an avid pipesmoker, the unbeknowing Watson replied to his shagrin, "Yes, I do Alex, might I bring it over?" "No, My dear Watson, Just let him out before he suffocates." As you might realize today's children are calling stores,pantries,grocers and the like and asking "Have you got Prince Albert in a can?", When the unsuspecting proprietors answer, "Yes", the youth state, "Better let him out before he suffocates", some of the youth make a mistake and state, "before he dies".

AS OF THIS REPORT YOU THE KINGS AND DIGNITARIES AND PARENTS MAY END YOUR STATE OF ANXIETY AS WELL AS WE, THERE IS NO REAL PERSON NAMED PRINCE ALBERT OR ANY OTHER PERSON CONTAINED IN A CAN, IT IS MERELY AND ONLY THE NAME OF A TOBACCO BEARING THE TITLE, PRINCE ALBERT. WE REALIZE IT WILL TAKE A WHILE FOR ALL THE PEOPLES OF THE WORLD TO FULLY REALIZE THIS REPORT AND THAT IS WHY WE NEED YOU TO TELL ONE THAT THEY MAY TELL ONE. AS SENATOR HILLARY CLINTON ONCE STATED, "IT TAKES A VILLAGE" AND INDEED IT DOES.

2007-11-25T12:18:00.000-08:00

WHEN PIGS FLY

A federal judge Monday ordered the White House to preserve copies of all its e-mails, a move that Bush administration lawyers had argued strongly against. U.S. District Judge Henry Kennedy directed the Executive Office of the President to safeguard the material in response to two lawsuits that seek to determine whether the White House has destroyed e-mails in violation of federal law. The White House is seeking dismissal of the lawsuits brought by two private groups — Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Government and the National Security Archive. The organizations allege the disappearance of 5 million White House e-mails. The court order issued by Kennedy, an appointee of President Clinton, is directed at maintaining backup tapes which contain copies of White House e-mails. The Federal Records Act details strict standards prohibiting the destruction of government documents including electronic messages, unless first approved by the archivist of the United States. Justice Department lawyers had urged the courts to accept a proposed White House declaration promising to preserve all backup tapes. "The judge decided that wasn't enough," said Anne Weismann, an attorney for CREW, which has gone to court over secrecy issues involving the Bush administration and has pursued ethical issues involving Republicans on Capitol Hill. The judge's order "should stop any future destruction of e-mails, but the White House stopped archiving its e-mail in 2003 and we don't know if some backup tapes for those e-mails were already taped over before we went to court. It's a mystery," said Meredith Fuchs, a lawyer for the National Security Archive. CREW and the National Security Archive are seeking to force the White House to immediately explain in court what happened to its e-mail, an issue that first surfaced nearly two years ago in the leak probe of administration officials who disclosed Valerie Plame's CIA identity to reporters. Special counsel Patrick Fitzgerald revealed early in 2006 that relevant e-mails could be missing because of an archiving problem at the White House. The White House has provided little public information about the matter, saying that some e-mails may not have been automatically archived on a computer server for the Executive Office of the President and that the e-mails may have been preserved on backup tapes. The White House has said that its Office of Administration is looking into whether there are e-mails that were not automatically archived and that if there is a problem, the necessary steps will be taken to address it.

SNAKES ON A BUS THEY'RE BACK AND DEADLY

2007-11-03T18:42:00.000-07:00

SNAKES ON A BUS - THEY'RE BACK AND TWICE AS DEADLY

.Dustin A. Draper or DAD as he prefers to be called, being upset over the annihilation of the "snakes" on the planes and outhouses thought to make a statement to local authorities because of the insensitive "murders" of thousands of snakes inparticuilarly, in the states of Kentucky,Tennessee,Alabama,Georgia, and the Carolinas. "It was cruel and barbaric not to introduce these harmless snakes back into their own environment, instead, they, the government contract with the mercinaries of Blackwater to track down and kill all these helpless snakes and their offspring. I am so thankful that finally, Congress is investigating these atrocious and sensless killings of innocents," Stated a tearful, saddened, DAD as he was cuffed and placed in police custody. "I only hope that the police do not kill these also, there is an old addage that people should remember when approached by any snake, whether poisonious or not - Don't bother them and they will not bother you."The full report brought to you by the Mouse Cried a Page One production in it's entirety is listed below - truth without borders as only the MC can.

Snakes on a bus! Police arrest man Man gets package at post office full of baby rattlesnakes, boards city bus updated 5:07 p.m. ET, Fri., Nov. 2, 2007 MUNCIE, Ind. - This time, the snakes weren’t on a plane — they were on a bus. Now, a 21-year-old man who police say picked up a package of venomous baby timber rattlesnakes at the post office and took it home on a city bus is facing charges. Dustin A. Draper of Muncie faces preliminary charges of possession of an endangered species and transportation of a dangerous reptile without a permit. He was in jail Friday on $3,500 bond. It was not known if he had obtained an attorney. Postal inspectors told the Indiana Department of Natural Resources and county police about the shipment of rattlesnakes. Officials were waiting for Draper when he got off the bus near his apartment Thursday. "He wants to be cool and have venomous snakes," said Sgt. Ed Rucker, a DNR conservation officer. Anyone who handles dangerous or wild animals in Indiana must have a state permit, and possessing endangered species like timber rattlesnakes is illegal, Rucker said. The DNR said Draper is a known buyer and broker of venomous snakes. He was arrested last November on charges that he tried to sell an undercover conservation officer an eastern diamondback rattlesnake. He was given a suspended 60-day jail term and fined $360 in Muncie City Court. Draper also faces similar charges from August for possession of an adult cobra. Draper has been advised to get a state wild animal permit, according to court records, although he never applied for one.

2007-10-22T14:35:00.001-07:00

Chatty cavemen? Me Neanderthal, talk good Findings suggest human relative may have had language skills By Charles Q. Choi LiveScience Updated: 12:22 p.m. ET Oct 18, 2007 Neanderthals might have spoken just like humans do now, new genetic findings suggest. Neanderthals are humanity's closest extinct relatives . Since their discovery more than 150 years ago, researchers have found out they could make tools just like our ancestors could, but whether Neanderthals also had advanced language, rather than mere grunts and groans, has remained hotly debated. To learn more, scientists investigated DNA from Neanderthal bones collected from a cave in northern Spain, concentrating on a gene, FOXP2, which is to date the only one known to play a role in speech and language. People with an abnormal copy of this gene have speech and language problems. Genes similar to FOXP2 are found throughout the genomes of the animal kingdom, from fish to alligators to songbirds. The molecule that human FOXP2 generates differs from chimpanzee FOXP2's by just two amino acids, the building blocks of proteins. Past research suggests the gene's modern human variant evolved fewer than 200,000 years ago. Now scientists find the Neanderthal FOXP2 gene is identical to ours. The ancestors of Neanderthals diverged from ours roughly 300,000 years ago, according to the latest thinking. Some studies have suggested that the two species might have intermingled after that, however. "It is possible that Neanderthals spoke just like we do," paleogeneticist Johannes Krause of the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany, told LiveScience. "Of course many genes are involved in language," cautioned Krause, the new study's lead researcher. As scientists discover more of such genes, these will have to be examined in Neanderthals as well, he said. Krause noted that some might suggest that interbreeding or "gene flow" (aka sex) between modern humans and Neanderthals led to us having FOXP2 in common. "However, we see no evidence for gene flow in the Y chromosome sequences," he said. Instead, the modern human and Neanderthal Y chromosomes are substantially different genetically. Krause and his colleagues detailed their findings online Oct. 18 in the journal Current Biology. THE NEANDERTHAL AND THE CONNECTION AT GATLINBURG, TENNESSEE - On the West side of the Great Smokey Mountains in Gatlinburg, Tennessee we found what appears to be a small village of Neanderthals, but only a few of them had kept the last name. Bob (or Robert as we would suggest) and Ted Neanderthal are brothers and living among some of the more "elite" of the "cavemen" or clansman as they prefer to be called and with a social enviroment that mirrors that of our own. Bob enjoys trivia and has become quite the nuisance with some of the tribe who choose to "evade" his questions particularily on Presidents and the Smokey Mountains, but ever so often he and Ted get to go to a nearby Smokey's baseball game located at the base of the Smokey Mountains in Sevieville, Tennessee. Do they like the hotdogs? "You bet", quipped Ted, "They are the best, dog, soda, and popcorn, you just can't beat it". Ted, having been married for 30 years has 3 sons and 3 daughters, 2 of the sons are doctors and 1 a lawyer, while 2 of the daugthers are school teachers and married and the one daughter, Amanda is single and in college majoring in physics and atomic composition and would of course like to find a good single man with ambition. A great catch for any of you single men but she stands along with her siblings around 9 foot and is alway being "jabbed" as being the 50 foot woman, the movie made famous by the Abbot and Costello fame. They have worked well with the area visitors in Gatlinburg but do not venture out much from the area as they have a deep love for the mountains and fishing and hunting. Amanda, as well as being very beautiful and intelligent wishes to marry outside her "clan" to a "normal" everyday type of human (like you or I) as she states it, "We would like to produce offspring with our cousins that they might start to evolve more like that of ourselves, the "human clan" is or has been "dumbed down" for quite some time and we would like a chance to help them gain more not only in stature but in intellect. When you look at their children today they do not know how to dress, talk, or carry an intelligent conversation we would like to interact with them not only on a physical basis or relationship level but also in the lab as we think we have medications and laser techniques that might be able to better adapt them into a societal role - we have great hope for our distant cousin and his struggle to communicate among their peer groups, we have had great success here in Gatlinburg at the GETALL clinic which is a 501C based group and work closely with other government entities to ensure the safety and respect of all humanity." As one might observe the order of the day for the Neanderthals is tall, no pun intended, and demanding, but one I am sure they will meet. It might well be noted that the Neanderthal's as well as some of the other "clanspeople" actually can trace their beginings back to the Biblical era and the Gensis account in Chapter 4:1 And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD. 16 And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden. 17 And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch. It seems our distant "cousins" and ourselves have a "common bond" after all.

HUMAN HANDS AND FEET ARE FISH

2007-10-22T14:24:00.000-07:00

THREE EVIDENCES OF MAN AND HIS ANCESTORY.

Human hands and feet have fishy origins Fin-sprouting gene also guides the growth of digits in land vertebrates By Ker Than LiveScience Updated: 4:44 p.m. ET Oct 19, 2007 A gene responsible for the development of fins in a primitive fish also helped shape the hands, feet and wings of every land animal alive today. Researchers studying the Australian lungfish Neoceradotus found one of its fin-sprouting genes also guides the growth of digits in land vertebrates—those creatures with backbones. The finding, to be detailed in an upcoming issue of the Journal of Experimental Zoology, adds to growing evidence that digits in humans and other land creatures are the equivalent of fin bones in fish. It is yet another example of evolution tweaking what already works to generate novel traits. "People have found comparable genes and gene-expression patterns in the fins of ray-fin fishes and also sharks , so it seems like the pattern goes very, very deep in vertebrate history," said study team member Zerina Johanson, a paleontologist at the Natural History Museum in London. The Australian lungfish is the only living member of a group of fish called lobe-fins, which is considered the closest living relatives of land animals. It is a so-called "living fossil," because it has survived virtually unchanged since first appearing in the fossil record 100 million years ago. The development of fingers and toes in embryos of land animals is closely linked to a gene called Hoxd13. This gene orchestrates a series of developmental steps involving the sequential release of certain proteins that affects the outer part of the limb and the digits but not the arm bones. It was once thought that digit development was unique to tetrapods, creatures that have, or once had, fingers and toes. The new findings suggest this is not the case. Johanson and her colleagues found that the genes involved in creating the Australian lungfish's fins made proteins in a nearly identical pattern as in tetrapods, by acting on the small fin bones but not the rest of the limb. "Because of the similarities, we can say that fish fins have similar structures to tetrapod digits, [and that] tetrapod digits are no longer unique to the group," Johanson told LiveScience. And because whales and birds descended from creatures with fingers and toes—hoofed mammals and dinosaurs , respectively—their flippers and wings are also evolutionarily linked to fish fins, she added. We found one group of humans in the Amazon that actually had fins, webfeet, and gills, and immediately found a rare problem with this group that was associated with sleep patterns. For more information check out the blog that is entitled, "FISH HAVE INSOMNIA ALSO - DYNAMITE HELPS!". following this report. © 2007 LiveScience.com. All rights reserved

FISH GET INSOMNIA DYNAMITE HELPS!

2007-10-22T12:29:00.000-07:00

Fish get insomnia too Mutant gene disrupts sleep patterns in a way similar to humans Reuters Updated: 8:46 a.m. ET Oct 16, 2007 LOS ANGELES - Fish might not have eyelids, but they do sleep, and some suffer from insomnia, California scientists reported on Monday. scientists studying sleep disorders in humans found that some zebrafish, a common aquarium pet, have a mutant gene that disrupts their sleep patterns in a way similar to insomnia in humans. Zebrafish with the mutant gene slept 30 percent less than fish without the mutation. When they finally drifted off they remained asleep half as long as the normal fish, the researchers at the Stanford University School of Medicine said. The mutant fish lacked a working receptor for hypocretin, a neuropeptide that is secreted in normal fish by neurons in the region of the brain that controls hunger, sex and other basic behaviors. Zebrafish, also known as zebra danio, have become popular research subjects because they are cheaper to breed than mice and they have a backbone that better represents the human nervous system than fruit flies. The researchers, led by Emmanuel Mignot, said they would look for fish that have a mutation that causes them to oversleep or never sleep in the hope of discovering if sleep-regulating molecules and brain networks developed through evolution. "Many people ask the questions, 'Why are we sleeping?' and, 'What is the function of sleep?"' Mignot said. "I think it is more important to figure out first how the brain produces and regulates sleep. This will likely give us important clues on how and maybe why sleep has been selected by natural evolution and is so universal." The study was published in Tuesday's edition of the Public Library of Science-Biology. Fish that lack sleep often forget to wake up after they finally reach a sleep state and we used to use dynamite to awaken them but found many would become "floaters" a scientific term used to describe a fish that is unwilling or incapable of resuming activities such as swimming, feeding, or those activity associated with normal living. Now we use electricity to engage the fish and shock them back into a more lively state of communication, proven effective, but not without consequences such as prolonged inability to swim. The reason for the usage of dynamite and electric shock was due to fish forgetting to wake up and thus drowning in their sleep state. More research is definitely needed and millions requested for this huge problem among the ponde and river.

DUMBDORF GROWS ANGRY AT J.K.

2007-10-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

DUMBDORF GROWS ANGRY AT J.K., STATING, "IT IS SHE THAT IS WRESTING WITH LESBIANISM, AND USING ME AS A "SCAPEGOAT" FOR HER OWN EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS - WILL THERE BE A LAWSUIT - YES!" J.K. Rowling Outs Hogwarts Character 'Harry Potter' Author Reveals That (Pic above left) Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, Is Gay Author J. K. Rowling signs a copy of her book "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" in New Orleans, Thursday, Oct. 18, 2007. Rowling signed 1,600 copies of her book for schoolchildren from all 80 schools in Orleans Parish. Harry Potter fans, the rumors are true: Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay. J.K. Rowling, author of the mega-selling fantasy series that ended last summer, outed the beloved character Friday night while appearing before a full house at Carnegie Hall. After reading briefly from the final book, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," she took questions from audience members. She was asked by one young fan whether Dumbledore finds "true love." "Dumbledore is gay," the author responded to gasps and applause. She then explained that Dumbledore was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom he defeated long ago in a battle between good and bad wizards. "Falling in love can blind us to an extent," Rowling said of Dumbledore's feelings, adding that Dumbledore was "horribly, terribly let down." Dumbledore's love, she observed, was his "great tragedy." "Oh, my god," Rowling concluded with a laugh, "the fan fiction." Potter readers on fan sites and elsewhere on the Internet have speculated on the sexuality of Dumbledore, noting that he has no close relationship with women and a mysterious, troubled past. And explicit scenes with Dumbledore already have appeared in fan fiction. Rowling told the audience that while working on the planned sixth Potter film, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," she spotted a reference in the script to a girl who once was of interest to Dumbledore. A note was duly passed to director David Yates, revealing the truth about her character. Rowling, finishing a brief "Open Book Tour" of the United States, her first tour here since 2000, also said that she regarded her Potter books as a "prolonged argument for tolerance" and urged her fans to "question authority." Not everyone likes her work, Rowling said, likely referring to Christian groups that have alleged the books promote witchcraft. Her news about Dumbledore, she said, will give them one more reason. Surrounded by reporters and news photogs, Dumbdorf, very apparent in his anger stated, "It must be nice to take someone and make a declaration of their sexual identity, to try to conceal or protect your own". "If she (J.K.) wants to proceed out of the proverbial closet, then let her take her own initiative and whatever courage she can muster and come forth in her banner of pink, everyone has known for years she is "funny" and not "funny ha ha,either", it is an atrocity to claim someone is of the "pink" persuasion to try to mask your own sexual identity, this is a case for the courts and legal war." I would also appreciate the correct spelling of my name, it is not dumbledore but Dumbdorf and unlike the inital lady I am not ashamed of my name or my initals-the JK thing-why does she not state her name? It embarrasses her, come on JK what exactly do the initals mean? The clash of the "community" is at hand and the winners? Your guess is as good as this reporter, one thing is for sure the Christian community has been duped again by a very shrewd and coniving woman-writer et large, but then again what did the Christians think would occur with such a popular book? morals from a witch and warlock - think again.

OLD BLIND JOE or OLD BIG TOE - THE STUMBLER TIMES

2007-09-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

OLD BLIND JOE or OLD BIG TOE - THE STUMBLER TIMES OpEd: The Stumbler Times, a division of The Mouse Cried (link below) Saturday, September 22, 2007 1 hour 11 min ago I don't think I understand the healthcare debate, instead of a universal healthcare for all why not just insure those who do not have any healthcare and allow others to keep the healthcare they already have at their workplace instead of adding a more heavier burden on the taxpayer (you). It doesn't make sense to insure 300+ million Americans instead of the 40 million estimated without insurance. This sounds an awful lot like taking away the "business" side of responsibility of providing healthcare and allowing the individual to pay for their own. This probably, since healthcare would be free stop the employeer from utilizing "safe worker enviroment" and kill any chance of lawsuit against doctors, lawyers, and employeers irregardless of their malpractice and their allowing more "unsafe" conditions in the workroom floor. A most definite win for the rich, business owners, doctors, and a loss to the poor man who must saddle the finance side of the equation, and I say the "poor" as middle class is to be wiped out by the "illegal underpaid slaves" we call aliens or Mexican peoples. Look for an end of the FMLA program to help protect the worker from being harrassed and fired, most from the unsafe conditions which cause on the job injuries, Yes, I think they, the employeer and big business have suckered the American people again. Story: Courtesy of the real news from: http://themousecried.blogspot.com/ Photo: Courtesy or Zara outfitters whom have just designed a swasitka on their new purses and withdrew the stock as they found people have not quite forgotten Hitler and the camps. Since they have withdrawn the purse they ask for your continued business. We've came along way?

TO HITLER WITH LOVE

2007-09-22T21:14:00.000-07:00

Fashion chain Zara withdraws swastika handbag Fri Sep 21, 10:57 AM ET Spanish fashion chain Zara has withdrawn a handbag from its stores after a customer in Britain complained swastikas were embroidered on it. Zara, owned by the world's second largest fashion retailer Inditex, said it did not know the 39 pound ($78) handbag had green swastikas on its corners. The bags were made by a supplier in India and inspired by commonly used Hindu symbols, which include the swastika. The original design approved by Zara did not have swastikas on it, Inditex said. "After the return of one bag we decided to withdraw the whole range," said a spokesman for Inditex, which has more than 3,330 stores in 66 countries. Zara pulled the bags after 19-year-old Rachel Hatton told Britain's Daily Mail she asked for a refund when she spotted swastikas on her bag. "The shop assistants were quite shocked as well to find out this symbol was on there," she told BBC radio. A British anti-fascism group said the bags were an attempt to legitimize fascism and the Daily Star tabloid newspaper ran a picture of Adolf Hitler next to its story headlined, "Fury over Nazi Fashion Bags." The swastika is an ancient religious symbol for Hindus and Buddhists, and has represented the sun, strength and good luck to many groups around the world. Since its adoption by the Nazi Party in 1920, people in the West have associated the swastika with Nazi dictator Hitler.

RARE "LICK" SNAKE ATTACKS DOCTOR

2007-08-28T15:57:00.000-07:00

RARE "LICK" SNAKE ATTACKS DOCTOR

Pilot finds snake-on-a-plane (Names withheld per request of namey's)

BROOKHAVEN, Miss. — It was no movie moment when a physician, flying himself across Mississippi in a one-seat plane, discovered a stowaway - a gray rat snake. Ed Carruth discovered the snake-on-a-plane when it began "licking" his arm Thursday, he told the Daily Leader of Brookhaven, Miss. "I've been flying planes for 50 years and over 14,000 hours, and this is the most unusual in-flight emergency I've encountered," he said. "I guess it wasn't exactly an emergency, but I did almost hurt myself when I saw it." Needing to fly the plane and lacking tools to get rid of the snake, "I did some aerobatics," Carruth said. "And once he got oriented, he went to the back of the plane." When Carruth arrived at Brookhaven Municipal Airport after his flight from Meridian, officials called a snake expert to remove the reptile. It's not uncommon for snakes to live in airplane hangars, said Joey Pradillo, the expert. "The snakes are in there after the mice. And the hangar is cool on the inside, and that's why he was in there in the first place," he said. Pradillo released the snake into the wild. Rat snakes, also known as "chicken snakes" because they eat chicks and chicken eggs, are not poisonous Disclaimit: All names withheld due to request.

SNAKES IN AN OUTHOUSE

2007-08-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

SNAKES IN AN OUTHOUSE-NOT FOR THE WEAK OF HEART, THOSE WITH HEADACHES, RECENT BREAKUPS, HAVING A BAD DAY - THEY'RE BACK THEY'RE MEAN AND BOY, THEY ARE SLITHERYSNAKES IN A OUTHOUSE - NEW MOVIE RELEASE NEW MOVIE RELEASED NOW AT THEATRES "SNAKES ON A PLANE" - COMING SOON - "SNAKES IN AN OUTHOUSE" Starring: Sammy el Jaxson Pheba Newmark Set in Western Kentucky and Eastern Tennessee, in the backwoods of a rural country life among a people who take their lifestyle and bathroom etiquette seriously. Plumbing, not being a convenience for all in the southern United States, causes the people to resort to "natural remedies" which in turn led to a massive "snake attacks" to many some of which were trapped inside their "outhouses (not to be confused with the popular outhomes, featured in Suthern Livting, a magazine dedicated to the popular outhomes)" some for days awaiting help and rescue by the National Guard and Armed Forces. One spokesman for the Rescue Arm of the Military or R.A.M. stated that some of the 101st Airborne Division were sent in to provide assistance and armed resistance to the overwhelming community of snakes, the spokesman, however, Colonel D. "Little d" Arminhand chose to stay anonymous due to undercover operations of both he and General T.K. Charge whom also wanted to be unnamed, we do honour their anonyminity. It has long been our endeavour to allow those who request for no identification in reporting to do so, and thereby secure us a place in our reporting to the public at large, this is our position and we here at IPIGe (International Press in Generale) do confirm this message. One child was trapped inside an outhouse, whose region may not be disclosed, for hours until a paratrooper landed safely on the roof of the outhouse and secured the child to a lift rig and pulled her up to safety, unfortunately the parachutists slipped and fell into a vast amount raw dump but who fortunately was "yanked" out before being bitten a common timber "outhouse" rattler whose characteristics are to rattle their tale a few times before striking the host or victim in these cases. In an interview on a safe zone commonly referred to as the green zone on a nearby hill the chutists was noted as stating these snakes have a horendous smell that could intimidate even the bravest of men, Sgt. D. Une Thaat also wanted to remain unnamed which we always choose to honour. Little Jenny was scared as she said, "Out of my wits, snakes were everywhere, here there, everywhere I tell you, and I am so glad Sgt D.Une came to my rescue." It was not a pretty sight for this reporter to see "little Jenny" so frightened for what may be one of the most horrific outbreaks of snakes this reporter has ever heard in history or modern man, Jenny (real name Barbie Jeweled whom we will not name for her on security) still remains in a state of shock. The events of Jenny and countless others are to be shown in a newly released movie titled, "Snakes in an Outhouse, you will be scared out of your mind, not meant for the faint of heart or any of you with health problems that might react to this movie, a list of these health problems which the Federal Government has determined to be at risk in the viewing of this movie may be seen on the web site http://360.yahoo.com/spin3305 movie some of which are those, of course, heart problems, depression, psorasis, upset tummy, lovelorned, recently jilted or newly attached or looking, these are but a few the other list is located at the link above gosnakeouthouse above. Some of the pictures we will try to show below if the camera will hold under these stressed camermen. WARNING THESE ARE NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. COMING SOON "SNAKES IN THE OUTFIELD" AND IT'S DOUBLE FEATURE "SNAKES ON A CRUISELINER" Brought to you by Sound Pictures Studios. DONATIONS FOR VICTIMS MAY BE PHONED IN AT 1-800-BR 549

THE EFFECTS OF SNAKERY

2007-08-27T15:40:00.000-07:00

SNAKES ON A PLANE IS CHILD'S PLAY, FEAR IS: SNAKES IN AN OUTHOUSE A SIGN OF THE TIMES AND THE EFFECTS OF SNAKERY WARNING! SNAKES RAMPAGE SEND AN ALREADY PANICKED PUBLIC TO STEAL AND EXPLOIT ALL PUBLIC,GOVERNMENT, AND PRIVATE BATHROOM FACILITIES TO BECOME ENDANGERED.As if the police department throughout the eastern Kentucky,Tennessee regions were not already deluged with problems of "search and rescue operations" now they must conduct their business elsewhere leaving an already vulnerable people at risk for further theivery as one officer described the situation. "This is an outrage, declared Captain B.N.Woody (name withheld due to request), I tell you it is nothing more than an outrage, and to be honest it's just plain theivery". When asked if we could quote the Captain he stated, "What Bill states is not to be quoted or printed in any form, as you can tell I'm mad man, really mad". Meanwhile, at the Federal level a commander in Homeland Security stated "We will get to the bottom of this and we do not take it lightly, fingerprints and eye laser recognition will be used and also in consideration are the much despised chip implant for entrance to all restrooms including the wooden outhouses so well known throughout the countryside will also be equipped with this same entrance technology." Stated Acting General N.Handitis who also asked not to be quoted as this was both a top priority and misson approved by both the Senate and Cogress and as well commisioned by the President himself, "This is not to be taken lightly we will get to the bottom of these outhouses and this problem of Snakes and the public which seems to have a real disregard for law and order, the US Airforce has done remarkable research on crowd control which is very possible in the near future to be both considered and put into action." quoted Gen.Handitis who also asked not to be quoted. As news develops we have this statement which has been received from the US Airforce and we will leave this statement to stand on it's own merits, this is oops sorry my name is withheld due to newspaper rules.NOW WHY WOULD THEY WANT TO USE CROWD CONTROL IN AMERICA, IS SOMETHING BEING PLANNED THAT WE ARE UNAWARE OF OR IS THIS JUST A WAY TO KEEP AMERICANS HAPPY WHILE THEY ARE BEING ZAPPED. IS THIS A "RED DAWN" SCENARIO IN THE MIX, OR ARE YOU BECOMING PARANOID? more answers? infowars.com?Nonlethal weapons touted for use on citizens Air Force secretary says they should be used for domestic crowd control Sept 12, 2006 WASHINGTON - Nonlethal weapons such as high-power microwave devices should be used on American citizens in crowd-control situations before they are used on the battlefield, the Air Force secretary said Tuesday.Domestic use would make it easier to avoid questions in the international community over any possible safety concerns, said Secretary Michael Wynne."If we’re not willing to use it here against our fellow citizens, then we should not be willing to use it in a wartime situation," said Wynne. "(Because) if I hit somebody with a nonlethal weapon and they claim that it injured them in a way that was not intended, I think that I would be vilified in the world press."The Air Force has funded research into nonlethal weapons, but he said the service isn’t likely to spend more money on development until injury issues are reviewed by medical experts and resolved.Nonlethal weapons generally can weaken people if they are hit with the beam. Some of the weapons can emit short, intense energy pulses that also can be effective in disabling some electronic devices.On another subject, Wynne said he expects to pick a new contractor for the next generation of aerial refueling tankers by next summer. He said a draft request for bids will be put out next month, and there are two qualified bidders: The Boeing Co. and a team of Northrop Grumman Corp. and European Aeronautic Defence and Space Co., the majority owner of European jet maker Airbus SAS.The contract is expected to be worth at least $20 billion.Chicago-based Boeing lost the tanker deal in 2004 amid revelations that it had hired a top Air Force acquisitions official who had given the company preferential treatment.Air Force tightens its beltWynne also said the Air Force, which is already chopping 40,000 active duty, civilian and reserves jobs, is now struggling to find new ways to slash about $1.8 billion from its budget to cover costs from the latest round of base closings.He said he can’t cut more people, and it would not be wise to take funding from military programs that are needed to protect the country. But he said he also encounters resistance when he tries to save money on operations and maintenance by retiring aging aircraft."We’re finding out that those are, unfortunately, prized possessions of some congressional districts," said Wynne, adding that the Air Force will have to "take some appetite suppressant pills." He said he has asked employees to look for efficiencies in their offices.The base closings initially were expected to create savings by reducing Air Force infrastructure by 24 percent.COMING SOON TO YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD AND WORKFORCE THE GOVERNMENT WILL USE THE HOMELAND SECURITY ACT AGAINST YOU AND YOUR NEIGHBOURS AND CO-WORKERS."It may seem cruel at first but we will cut the people if we have to we don't want to but make no doubt cut them we will, if we will cut our own we'll cut others as well all we really need is a few good men/women to get the cutting done." stated Mr. Whinee who asked not to be quoted. "People with pacemakers and other health devices should not be in the public arena nor on our highways and this "raygun" will make them and their autos know we intend to attack and kill the tyranny of Snakes wherever we might find them whether in real time or fictious, snakes are mean and their dangerous, and they smell awful" ended the quote of Mr. Whinne."I believe history will reflect that that which I have done I have done for the benefit of the whole world and in the end I will be vilified and loved by the world, this bud is for you", ADOLF HITLER 1940

MAN'S FACE CONTORTED BY SNAKE

2007-08-27T15:36:00.000-07:00

MAN'S CONTORTED FACE - WARNING NOT FOR THE WEEK OF HEART I now realize what was being told me was true these snake attacks are real and unless you have been in an outhouse in Tennessee or Kentucky you have no idea how severe this can become. Snakes are sneaky, boy, and they will bite you whether you have business to conduct or not I am one of the lucky ones but there are others in much worse condition than me.... unnamed source.. a Mr. Davix Gatt Bitt ... name withheld upon personal request. Brother, can you lend a dime is the most that he can request today if you are one of the fortunate ones then visit the website http://timedlines.spaces.live.com - snakes are real, they're mean and they're back. This man was, unfortunately, attacked by the rare "Twistsnake" which many to their own demise and disfigurment confuse for a rope or dreadlocks. Currently under facial reconstruction, Dr. Una Dunlift (name withheld upon request) stated it may take years and tons of money to fund and research to undo what this "ropesnake" has done to this poor victim, but endeavour I shall because I care and some times well, it just takes a village, ya know.

THE PUPPY WHO CARED TOO MUCH

2007-08-19T23:21:00.000-07:00

THE LITTLE PUPPY WHO CARED TOO MUCH

THE TALES OF TIDA

Summer, and what a summer it would be. Tidda bounced about the yard enjoying the sunshine that the good LORD had made, and as she bounced not only could you see a gleam in her eyes, but it was her chance to prove she could dance to the rays of the sun, and dance she did. This was going to be "the summer" the one she had waited for the whole year long, spring was extremely rough as it tagged between warm and cool, and not much fit for people or puppies, but that was spring and now summer had finally arrived. With a heart as big as her eyes, which some time were hid by a shabby hair cut, she would set out this summer with a brand new outlook of life, she was going to serve her fellow kingdom mates irregardless of whom that would be. So the day came when Mom let her run the outside and run she did. First to smell the flowers which had came into bloom and were stretching with all their might as if they were going to touch the sun himself. Tidda began to think, "I know, The flowers would love to have some fresh water and after all she had a very shiny, deep, blue and pink bowl that had just been cleaned and filled with crisp,cool, water - not just any water, you know, she demanded the best bottled water there was and these were the days before it was announced that the cola companies had only provided "tap water" for filtered, spring water, but no matter the flowers needed water and she was to the rescue. The shiny, baby-blue and pink bowl was just a tiny bit bigger than Tida and she jumped in with not just both feet, but her entire body, and wouldn't you know it in a matter of minutes she was soaking, soping wet, from her cool,damp nose to her slightly dingy toes, soiled by the dirt found beneath the cool green grass as she had danced and frolicked among the flowers and rocks and lime color grass. Oh, what a joyous day, it was beautiful and she was having a great time. All soaked from her head to her toes Tidda ran to the flowers and began to shake, and she shook and shook and wet all the flowers but it still did not seem to be enough, so back to the shiny blue-pink she pounced and bounce straight into the bowl this time falling head first and falling beneath the water, indeed this time she was drenched, quickly raising her head up for air she pondered, "I was soaked, and then I was,"soping" wet, and now I am drenched, my flower friends should love this. Being but a puppy she did not quite realize how "not" to deliver her now dripping body water to her friends. "This time I'll really get you wet" exclaimed Tida, as she ran and dove straight into the mist of the trees. All of a sudden, a quick flapping and beating of wings took to flight as the butterflies, bees, and yes even a couple of finch and hummingbird lifted up their wings being suddenly startled and frightened. Oh No! Exclaimed Tidda, I am so sorry, now realizing that she had not only frightened momentarily all of her other friends but she had in the process of wanting to get water to the "flower buddies" had bent them out of shape. Tida began to cry and whimpered, I'm sssoo ssorry, tears flowing across her tiny nose, and falling down on petals of low lying moss flower." "Tidda, please don't cry" said Hummy the Hummingbird, "No Tidda, don't cry we are merely bent" echoed, Daisy who spoke boldly for the flowers. "We are all fine in fact we are dandy, and this small bend will only make us stronger as we bask in the glory of the yellow-orange rays of the sun, please don't cry, and please don't stop doing good we need you." As a small poppy petal brushed away her tear and Pop said, "There, There, Tida no damage done, continue your summer of bliss, my child." "Thank you Poppie, and I am really sorry but I will, I will continue doing good", "That a girl, Tida," stated Rose as she gently brushed Tida's whitish gray hair with her sweet perfume, And oh how nice you smell Tidda, please continue your journey of doing well to others and all there are so few that do so today." A few days went by and there was no sign of Tidda, and then one noon day she came bouncing out of the house and was so amazed at the flower party, they were all standing straight and much taller than she, and now they extended themselves away up into the air and there was once or twice Tidda thought they were actually touching the clouds and the sun. "You all look beautiful" exclaimed a very obviously relieved Tidda. "And we owe it all to you stated Poppie," yes echoed daisy, "The water, and the bend made us so strong thanks Tida for your love and concern. Tidda felt much better now and she set about to find her good deed for the day and actually for the week she did not come out to play. Just at that moment as time would have it worked out, Tidda saw Christian backing down the driveway and going toward the street, and began to run and yelp to the top of her lungs, Christian noticing that she was getting to close to her car yelled, "Tidda get away from my car and quit that barking have you gone mad?" and pulling over she placed the car in Park and pulled on the Emergency Brake. "I should wear you out Tidda you could have made me wreck or run over you, you have to stop this even if I have to lock you up in your room" stated Christian visibly angry and upset. Christian picked up Tidda and took her to her room and locked the door, "Maybe now you will understand to stay away from moving objects, especially so, when they are bigger than you" stated Christian. Christian left to go to her car and noticed behind her car a little boy no more than 2 year old and she panicked and began to cry as she picked up the little child and hugged and kissed him for what seemed and hour but it was only a few minutes, tears running down upon the little boy's face as Christian cried and wept-realizing but for the grace of God and a yelping Tidda she would have hurt the child terribly and would never have forgiven herself. Shaken she returned John to his home where his mother was frantically trying to find him, "I just went to shut off the stove, and turned and little John was gone." As Christian rolled out the story of what had just happened, both she and Jane began to cry, fully realizing that if it had not been for God and a little yelping puppy named Tidda, things would have been much, much worse and different. As Christian went back into the house she had a much different outlook and opinion of Tida whom now had heard the door open and was shivering in fear of Christian might be very mad. "Oh Tida, I am so sorry, cried Christian and this time the tears were of joy and embarrassment as she continued apologizing to Tidda. Time passed and all seemed well in Tidda's world as once again she was bouncing in the outdoors and having such a wonderful time, when she happened to bounce upon Mr. Greely a neighbourhood grouch of a snake. "Where are you going Tidda" exclaimed the slithery Mr.Greely. Oh I'm just walking around the neighbourhood and trying to find more good deeds and being helpful to everyone. "Why don't you follow me down to the old Stimpson place, and we can find someone to help" said Mr. Greely choking behind his ever so sly half grin. "No I am not allowed to go there," Mr Greely, "It is off limits and no one lives there." "I thought your Mom stated you could not go anywhere in the neighbourhood" snapped, Greely. "No she said I could go anywhere in the neighbourhood" infered Tida. "Well I happen to know that "it" is anywhere and there is someone there that only you could help, but I suppose that you don't help everyone just those you like and probably are related." "You're wrong Mr,Greely show me this one that needs help" said Tidda, "And you'll see, I'll help them also." "Brave talk Tidda but I think this time you have met your match and won't be able to help this one" hissed Mr. Greely. The old house was run down and it's boards, at least those that were standing, were rotting and falling apart as they crumbled beneath the feet as Tida would try in vain to step over them, they were dull and their color was masked with green moss and unfortunately thought Tidda not the pretty kind of moss but a decaying brownish-green. She had never noticed this house being so run down nor had she noticed Mr.Greely slithering into a ball-like of curls, "Where is the one you were talking about Mr.Greely, I see no one." panted Tida, now dripping moisture from her lips as she realized she should not have come to this place. "You're the one", hissed Greely, "And I told you, you would not be able to help Ms.Dooogoooder ssss" and lurching backward as to withdraw himself, he plunged forcefully forward with all his might, his teeth gleeming in the sunlight as two sharp prongs which had been tonged to razor sharp, striking Tida upon her right leg, and sending forth an excruciating loud yelp which erupted into a very intense bark. Numbing pain pounded again and again as Tidda braced herself against Mr. Greely, "Why did you do that, what did I or have I ever done to you?" "You are a goody two-shoes and thats all I need to know you stupid pup, after all, I'm a snake." hissed Mr.Greely. For the first time in her life Tidda bear her teeth and growled the growl that sent fear into Greely, and upon hearing Christian and Jonathan running toward him he raced off into the grass with only a patch here and there showing his movement. As Christian saw him slither away she grabbed Tidda into her arms and ran for the car, Johathan pursued with keys in hand and they began to drive Tida to the emergency room where nurse Ashley and Chandler rushed her into Dr.Larry's operating table. It's strange thought Tidda just a few days ago that car was almost involved in hurting little John but now it was used to try to save a life, and she passed into darkness. Dr. Larry's expertise was really with larger animals, horses and the like and he buzzed another surgeon ready to go home with the emergency. Dr Kathy came into the room and attached a small tube to Tidda's leg, one to drain the poison, and the other for pain and nourishment. After hours under watch and surgery and not knowing how Tidda would survive or heal, the two doctors decided to let Tidda go home and that the familiarity of home might encourage Tidda to get well-it was indeed a long shot, but it was the only hope. Daily, Jonathan, Jan the neighbour, and Christian would meet more than 3 or 4 times a day and would pray and use anointing oil in hopes that God would spare this little one who had touched so many hearts. Tears flowed often over the next few days as Tidda did not seem to get any better. Christian took her out daily among the flowers so that if she could she would smell the flowers of summer and hear the chirping of the birds, strangely though the yard was quite as was the neighbourhood for all had come to love the little puppy who cared too much. Finally in the 7th Month and the 7th day there was a whimper, and a long sigh, and Tidda bounced out of Christian's arms onto the yard and began to run and play, bouncing again among all her friends and family and little Jonathan, rolling over the lime green grass and ever sniffing of the rose and poppy, as tears of joy flowed now from the eyes of all even ole deep-voiced Poppie, who exclaimed, "I don't think she's a puppy that cares too much, I think we care much for the puppy. In a few moments Jerry came driving up the drive in his truck to inquire of Tidda's health, "It's too bad", he said, "but as I was coming up the road something slithered in front of my front wheel and I could not stop in time, it was Mr.Greely" and you know it probably would not have happened if Tidda had been there to warn him, after all She is indeed a puppy that cares much.

From the tales of Tidda, "THE PUPPY THAT CARED TOO MUCH" by IRI PRESS and PUBLISHING Look for the companion book "LUCKY a Dog and His Food"

PEPSY-COKA DUPE PUBLIC WITH BOTTLE WATER, NOT SO-FOWL CRYS REP.

2007-07-31T16:07:00.000-07:00

EXCLUSIVE REPORT FOUND ONLY BY THE IRI REPORTER TEAMS - EXPOSED - PEPSI/COCA-COLA TELL ALL IN A NEW REPORT - WILL SUE THE 54 STATES OF AMERICA FOR LOST REVENUE OF TAPWATER IRI FIELD REPORTER, Behn Haidd Pepsi's Aquafina and Coca-Cola Co's Dasani are both made from purified water sourced from public reservoirs, as opposed to Danone's Evian or Nestle's Poland Spring, so-called "spring waters," shipped from specific locations the companies say have notably clean water. Coca-Cola Co. told Reuters it will start posting online information about the quality control testing it performs on Dasani by the end of summer or early fall. "Concerns about the bottled-water industry, and increasing corporate control of water, are growing across the country," said Gigi Kellett, director of the "Think Outside the Bottle" campaign, which aims to encourage people to drink tap water. San Francisco's mayor banned city employees from using city funds to buy bottled water when tap water is available. Ann Arbor, Michigan passed a resolution banning commercially bottled water at city events and Salt Lake City, Utah asked department heads to eliminate bottled water. In 1976, the average American drank 1.6 gallons of bottled water a year, according to Beverage Marketing Corp. Last year, we each drank 28.3 gallons of bottled water--18 half-liter bottles a month. We drink more bottled water than milk, or coffee, or beer. Only carbonated soft drinks are more popular than bottled water, at 52.9 gallons annually.... We buy bottled water because we think it's healthy. Which it is, of course: Every 12-year-old who buys a bottle of water from a vending machine instead of a 16-ounce Coke is inarguably making a healthier choice. But bottled water isn't healthier, or safer, than tap water. Indeed, while the United States is the single biggest consumer in the world's $50 billion bottled-water market, it is the only one of the top four--the others are Brazil, China, and Mexico--that has universally reliable tap water. Tap water in this country, with rare exceptions, is impressively safe. It is monitored constantly, and the test results made public. Mineral water has a long association with medicinal benefits--and it can provide minerals that people need--but there are no scientific studies establishing that routinely consuming mineral water improves your health. The FDA, in fact, forbids mineral waters in the United States from making any health claims. And for this healthy convenience, we're paying what amounts to an unbelievable premium. You can buy a half- liter Evian for $1.35--17 ounces of water imported from France for pocket change. That water seems cheap, but only because we aren't paying attention. In San Francisco, the municipal water comes from inside Yosemite National Park. It's so good the EPA doesn't require San Francisco to filter it. If you bought and drank a bottle of Evian, you could refill that bottle once a day for 10 years, 5 months, and 21 days with San Francisco tap water before that water would cost $1.35. Put another way, if the water we use at home cost what even cheap bottled water costs, our monthly water bills would run $9,000. Taste, of course, is highly personal. New Yorkers excepted, Americans love to belittle the quality of their tap water. But in blind taste tests, with waters at equal temperatures, presented in identical glasses, ordinary people can rarely distinguish between tap water, springwater, and luxury waters. At the height of Perrier's popularity, Bruce Nevins was asked on a live network radio show one morning to pick Perrier from a lineup of seven carbonated waters served in paper cups. It took him five tries. The label on a bottle of Fiji Water says "from the islands of Fiji." Journey to the source of that water, and you realize just how extraordinary that promise is. From New York, for instance, it is an 18-hour plane ride west and south (via Los Angeles) almost to Australia, and then a four-hour drive along Fiji's two-lane King's Highway. Every bottle of Fiji Water goes on its own version of this trip, in reverse, although by truck and ship. In fact, since the plastic for the bottles is shipped to Fiji first, the bottles' journey is even longer. Half the wholesale cost of Fiji Water is transportation--which is to say, it costs as much to ship Fiji Water across the oceans and truck it to warehouses in the United States than it does to extract the water and bottle it. That is not the only environmental cost embedded in each bottle of Fiji Water. The Fiji Water plant is a state-of-the-art facility that runs 24 hours a day. That means it requires an uninterrupted supply of electricity--something the local utility structure cannot support. So the factory supplies its own electricity, with three big generators running on diesel fuel. The water may come from "one of the last pristine ecosystems on earth," as some of the labels say, but out back of the bottling plant is a less pristine ecosystem veiled with a diesel haze. Each water bottler has its own version of this oxymoron: that something as pure and clean as water leaves a contrail. courtesy: Alexwhalen.com IRI-Reporter Benn Haid: Thank you for this exclusive interview, could you state for the record what your position is with the Coki-Pepsy companies? Rep. Wana Slurrp: I am employed by both companies to intermidate between the press and my representatives, a sort of liasion. IRI: For this interview may we call you Wana? Also we notice your lawsuit is against the 54 states, but isn't it true that currently there are only 52? Wanta: I do not want my name disclosed so instead of Wana you may call me Wanta. And yes, it is true, there are only 52 states currently, but if the weapons issue gets settled we do anticipate the emergence of Mexico and Canada to join the statehood of America and we must name them as we pursue the lawsuit against all peoples of the United States or we will lose them and billions of dollars. IRI: Do you expect a government bailout much like that of the Crysler Corporation? Do you have any plans to amend or correct the problem at hand of purification of your bottled waters? Wanta: Yes, we hope for the bailout as we do furnish the halls of Congress,Senate, and the White House with our great products, however we will have to pursue the lawsuit as a means to an end. No, We will not make our bottling plants into a purification plant that would take a few thousand dollars and disrupt the amount of bonuses issued in rank ( I noted she did not say rank and file ), instead we plan to market the drinks now as having gone through a purfication system and that our waters are cold. IRI: Would that not be a fabrication, er, a lie to state that your product has gone through a purification system? Will you be changing the familiar logos of the products and colors? Wanta: No, it is not a lie, as the city in which we bottle the water does have a purification system for tapwater which is what we now use and will continue to use - we have of course adopted a new logo - YOU DRINK- WE MAKE MORE - a very catchy phrase don't you think? Yes, We will change the color to a type of lime yellow slight tan color to emphasize our service to the people, after all, it's the little people and the little drinkers that make up our customers, of which we are sincerely thankful they like good water. IRI: If you are so thankful do you not think you owe the "little people" more of a "pure" state of water as perhaps with charcoal or maybe one of the "pur" attachments to the tap of the faucets where your employees "man" the water fill tanks? Wanta: We do not have "employees" just this one elderly, slightly crippled Mexican worker who cannot understand english or how much we pay him, we are able to save money this way and pass it on to the consumer which has been affected by the huge increase of oil in this country, now there is your story. The "pur" system you speak of cost about $29.95, and we have appealed to the makers of the system to see if our companies can secure a much more reasonable price this is ridiculously high. IRI: You only use one faucet and you think this is too high? Do you not think that you are violating the law by hiring illegal workers? Wanta: One "pur" at $29.95 makes a difference on Wall Street and we must be about the business of saving and making money, and No this gentleman is not illegal as we have given him both a name and his very own number which makes him feel right at home in America. IRI: I want to thank you for this exclusive interview and would you mind giving us a ballpark figure of how much you are being paid? Wanta: Your welcome and again do not use my name, and we here at the company do not have any secrets or anything to hide-this is our new slogan- and I am making 1.75 million dollars per 6 months with a contract running for three years. How do you like that for a slogan? IRI: I think Americans will love the slogan and contiue to buy your product, again I thank you. Wanta: You kidding, they do not have a choice we own all the space for bottled water in all the machines in every business, government or no, of course they'll like the slogan and drink the water-this isn't Mexico yet-Hey,don't drink the water-ha,ha. Do come back and have a great day.

IT'S OFFICIAL-SCIENTISTS DISCOVER HUMANS HAVE TWO LEGS

2007-07-30T14:31:00.000-07:00

EARLY HUMANS FORESEE GLOBAL WARMING AND DECIDE TO WALK ON "TWO LEGS" INSTEAD OF FOUR TO SAVE ENERGY AND THE ENVIROMENT Why do humans walk on two legs? To save energy By Michael Kanellos, Staff Writer, CNET news.com Four legs are good--but two legs are more energy-efficient, theorizes a researcher at the University of California at Davis. For some, walking on two legs consumes less energy than walking on all fours, according to a paper from UC Davis. The findings may help explain why human ancestors evolved into bipeds 10 million years ago. The study--which compared data from humans and specially trained chimps on treadmills--found that humans used about 75 percent less energy and burned 75 percent fewer calories than walking on all fours or two legs for chimpanzees, according to the report. Interestingly enough, some of the chimps in the experiment--who were taught to walk on two legs and to "knucklewalk"--also did better on two legs. For three chimps, bipedalism consumed more energy than walking on all fours. One chimp, however, expended as much energy walking on four legs as two legs, and one other chimp consumed less energy walking upright. "We were prepared to find that all of the chimps used more energy walking on two legs--but that finding wouldn't have been as interesting. What we found was much more telling," Andrew Sockol, a Ph.D. candidate in anthropology at UC Davis, said in a statement. "This isn't the complete answer, but it's a good piece of a puzzle humans have always wondered about: How and why did we become human? And why do we alone walk on two legs?" The researchers also found that, for some of the chimps, walking on two legs required no more energy than knucklewalking. These two chimps also had different gaits and anatomy than the others. Their anatomy and skeletal characteristics, in fact, were similar to early hominid fossils that allowed for greater extension of the hind limb. Sockol studied the biomechanics and oxygen consumption of specially trained chimps on a treadmill. While the chimps worked out, the scientists collected metabolic and kinetic data as well as information on oxygen consumption. The same data was gathered for human subjects. Fossil and molecular evidence suggests that climate changes in equatorial Africa some 8 million to 10 million years ago prompted a change in human evolution. The area had been forested, but began to become drier. This may have increased the distance between food patches. This would have forced early hominids to travel longer distances. Those that used less energy had an advantage. The research appears this week in the online early edition of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America. FOR MORE INFO SEE: SCIENTISTS DISCOVER HUMANS HAVE TWO LEGS. FOUND AT: http://themousecried.blogspot.com/

WILLIE O'REALLY INTERVIEW WITH IRI

2007-07-22T21:37:00.000-07:00

INTERVIEWS - BECAUSE WE CAN THE INTERVIEW NO ONE ELSE COULD DO NOR ATTAIN ONLY ON THE MOUSE CRIED, CAN THIS INTERVIEW BE FOUND - THE WILLIE O'REALLY CHRONICLES - BIO: Height: 7'8" Weight: Feather Married: To himself Age: Never ages - put simply, I refuse to age Personal Description: I'll fight any person, man,woman,or child, irregardless of their age or handicap.Who I would like to meet: My twin as long as we were identical in every aspect including thoughts and extreme intelligence which I possess.Willie O'Really: Welcome to "my" show.Interviewer: Thank you Willie, it is indeed an honour and privilege to sit across from someonelike yourself.WOR: I know, it must make you feel good.I.: There are reports that you had made a statement in the past, to the effect, that you do notbelieve that God created man but that God created evolution, is there any truth to the rumour?WOR: Allow me to state now and get this clear or I will rip your head clean off your shoulders you see, I was the bully in my school, no one told me what to do. The subject I do notwant to talk about is "that" woman and her allegations that I made any sexual advances toward her and I did not make sensual comments on the phone to her.I.: That is not in our questioning today Mr.Oreally, what our viewers want to know is that if youmade the statement that God created evolution, but did not create mankind, but that manevolved through the Primordial sludge that is called "evolution"? Did you make such astatement?WOR: The court records are sealed and a settlement was reached outside of the court, andneither she nor myself are allowed to talk about the settlement. I said some thingsto her that if the common joe were to read he may think I did something wrong,but hewould be wrong. And just to set the record straight, I'll fight anyone,no matter their sizeor age, at any time or any place, because I am not afraid of anyone and I am smarter thanthe average bear, and Einstein has nothing on me, so make my day, PUNK!I.: I don't want to fight Willie, I just want to complete this interview, Was it true that you statedthat you did not want any emails,telephone calls, letters concerning the Genesis chapters 1-6and how you do not think they were legitimate and from God Himself, and if anyone emailedyou, you would put a permanent block on their email? And if you did make such a comment then why did you bring up the subject matter of Genesis to start with? Was it as many have alleged that you do this to anger your viewers and you think angry viewers will continue watching your show?WOR: She asked for it, I mean her tight skirt, skimpy shorts, tight blouses, but did I give in"?NO. I ignored her like the plague. There were times, however, that I had and would callher at home, just to see if she liked the show and what there was about old masculineWillie she liked the most. I can and am allowed to say this much - I hate and detest anyone who use a tape recorder - Willie crys "foul" or "fowl" or "foal" every which way youwould choose to spell it. I am after all the smartest man on earth, and I'll meet you in thealley and give you a what for.I.: Willie, I am glad we had a chance to conduct this interview, and I thank you for being themost gracious host that you think you are.WOR: Anytime, I just want to get the truth out and you must admit that I and only I know whatGod wrote and would not write. I'll tell you what though, just between you and me shewas a sexy thing and she did love her Willie no matter how many times she stated NOand STOP after all NO is really a YES to Ol Willie Oreally. You want to fight?I.: Uh, No thanks, and thank you for the interview.WOR: Coward, Chicken, cluck,cluck,cluck.

IRAN: SQUIRRELS SPYING ON OUR COUNTRY

2007-07-22T21:22:00.000-07:00

SQUIRRELS ACCUSED OF SPYING ON IRAN TO BE INTERROGATED (US HAS APPEALED UNTO THE UNITED NATIONS TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE TREATED WITH GENEVA CONVENTION AND NOT STRIPPED AND POSED WITH) By Ali Arouzi, NBC News Producer You can tell that Iran is feeling a little beleaguered these days when there are reports that Tehran may be under attack from rodents! That is what the official Islamic Republic News Agency reported this week, that police had, ahem, "arrested" 14 squirrels on charges of espionage. The rodents were found near the Iranian border, allegedly equipped with eavesdropping devices, according to IRNA. When asked to confirm the story, Esmaeel Ahmadi Moghadam, the national police chief, said, "I have heard about it, but I do not have precise information." He declined to give any more details. IRNA said that the squirrels were discovered by intelligence services – but were captured by police officers several weeks ago. 'Are you serious?'The reaction to the report on Tehran’s streets was varied – from disbelief to assigning guilt for the alleged infraction. "No, I had not heard about this, but it does not surprise me, foreign countries are always meddling in Iran," said Hassan Mohmmadi, a fast-food vendor.Mohammadi asked me if I knew where the squirrels were from, and I told him that I didn’t know. Then he came to his own conclusions. "I bet they were British squirrels, they are the most cunning," he replied. Meantime, an independent journalist, Sepher Sopli, was not surprised by the idea that another country would spy on Iran, so much as he was dumbfounded by their methods. "I read this story in the papers and though it was very bizarre; what struck me as odd was that in this age of modern technology, people were relying on squirrels to do their spying," Sopli said. But, the report was still strange enough to surprise. "That's very funny, but you’re not serious are you?" said Soraya Jafari, a student in Tehran. Maybe not a firstEspionage not entirely foreign to animals. If true, this would not be the first time animals have been used for military endeavors. During World War II, Allied forces used pigeons to fly vital intelligence out of occupied France. More recently, U.S. Marines stationed in Kuwait trained chickens for a low-tech chemical detection system. It’s also well documented that dolphins have been used to seek out underwater mines. Spying is something that is taken seriously in any country, especially in a place like Iran, where numerous squirrels are currently being held on charges of espionage. Still, the squirrels that breached the Iranian border carrying sensitive spying equipment must have been nuts. TELL US YOUR VIEWS WE WANT TO KNOW * "This is great atrocity and demeaning to the squirrel society at large and we demand their immediate release and all their belongings be returned unto them, including any and all nuts that were confiscated from them" ...Imma Frogge, The PATA Foundation of North America * "Squirrels have rights also and they should not be harmed or "angel-cuffed", I am on record as opposing any and all rubber hose techniques being in any way implemented or used in the interrogation of these members of society" .........US Congresswoman Hilarity Clinkus * "A fund has been arrainged for these poor defensless creatures and hopefully any prosthesis they may need as well as monthly sustance allowance upon their freedom." ....Walter Reed spokesman.......Bandm Uppl * "These "squirrels" as they are being called and not being addressed by their names, do not and did not carry nor hide any weapons of mass destruction and the allegations are not true that they were given night vision goggles or bullet proof vests, the burden of proof lays at the feet of President Ahmadenjad and his compatriates to prove his allegations and not the disappearance of many nuts as he has claimed." ......VP Dak Chinney * "I have alway maintained that the government is secretly using animals and insects to conduct both espionage and spying techniques across a broad spectrum of life and doing so without Constitutional authority and the Homeland Security Act, What do you think they use the V- Chip for? entertainment? don't be fooled." .....Ahllx Jhons * "In my day, at dar twelth gaugged shatgun, ant a swaller or two of thet ther shine, thet hold sqirl wult haf been dumlin fer de chiltren, youse kno wot I meant?"....Kentuck Woodsmen BobJoe Dunkiltit * "Squirrels have been found to emit 02 gases by their constant swinging from tree to tree and have caused the melting of ice trays set out of the refrigerators, and made bad milk go worse. We must explore what they are doing to the Polar Bunnies who cannot fly or swing from trees and then maybe we can understand why planes take off from the ground instead of in the air which is where they wind up being after take off, but I can't seem to get the media focused on the problems they are to busy chasing after Peris Hiding - uh, Hilden. Soon my new movie will be released, which I hope you will get all your neighbours to watch also and it will be titled, "Groundless Flight Airlines and Quick Trays:the melting of the cube.?".......Pal Bore

NUNS AGAINST GREEN OR NAG by YeSiam Pennit special report

2007-07-20T16:10:00.000-07:00

THE TULLA-TELLA NEWS TullaTella County News Flashed Friday, July 20, 2007 5:46:27 PM Nuns with guns? Farmer Ina Tiller (name withheld per request) stated, "They came out of nowhere with dem big black shoes and stamping on my greend beans, tomatoe plantes, knockin over my corn plants and stripping themed ears, I coulnt git near em cause dey had guns, and one of dem kept hollerin Jenit Reeno, I wast scart out of my wits." It is true they have begun a terror campaign overlooked by the present administration and are creating a wave of violent "stomping" as they term it to make a statement it seems of their plight and condition, one thing is for sure they are dangerous and armed. When we interviewed their leader a Ms Smakle Urhan,(name withheld by request) she stated, "We are sick and tired of this color green and how much evil influence it has in the world" "Do I detect a little "green" envy?" stated this reporter YeSiam Pennit "Do I detect someone with a red hand" countered the Ms Urhan, "Uh, I'm really sorry" stated YeSiam. Ms Urhan: "No, We are not envious but you answer this question why do some have so much green while others have so little, and when we see these fields with so much green well, it just infuriates us, I mean we get very angry." "What we need in this country are folks who are dedicated to changing the landscape colors of America, I mean whats wrong with black and white - we don't have a problem with that". YeSiam: But you are all Nuns, correct? Why do you want people to see you in this light, I mean don't you want to do the old addage of "do good unto others" or something like that? And by the way what is the name of your group? Ms Urhan: Yes, were Nuns you got a problem with that? We are doing good don't you believe that the green should be contributed among all and that each have more, you act as though were trying to rid the world of green, that is not the case.Our name or tag is Nuns Against Green or as you would probably refer to it as NAG or if it makes you feel better Nuns and Guns or again NAG, and I suppose you have a problem with that, don't you? What are you doing about all the green? Do you not care that some have only Yellow or Blue or Red or other colors? What exactly are you doing about it all? YeSiam: Whoa slow down. No I don't have a problem with your group or any thing you are doing but why stomp the farmers produce which he uses to feed the world? Ms Urhan: O yes, he'll feed the world and give the poor saps enough food to keep their miserable souls alive but he won't give them any green, maybe yellow, red or orange but not green, O no he won't share or part with the green therefore he must be made to do so and maybe at the cost of his precious little farm of oppression. YeSiam: Perhaps you are right, I mean, you do have the guns. Ms Urhan: Here is a song that may make you understand our plight a little better.

TABLE FOR TWO, SIR?

Excuse me dear lady, I seem to forget was it your table or another of which I did sit? My memory stirs not as I seek to find the place of presence in my mind. Perhaps if we talk - a little chat - I shall remember the table where I should have sat. Allow me the converstation my lady I urge you for many questions have I of which I wish to persue. Overlook dear lady the questions from my mind, Its so sad but I fear I am childish and immature most of the time. Choose a color from the rainbow and the Earth below and tell me the one you least like to behold, perhaps it's black or not as deep as a brown which you least know? Sir, might I call you friend, but I am afraid your question distrubs me so. Ask of any guest and they'll tell you I love all all colors even to the rainbow. I judge you not dear princess for I knew you all along. I know you enjoy the grey and black and equal too, showing no lack. You know me well good man and you seem to understand, But there is a quality in black and brown, good sir, it reminds one of dirt and an earthy ground. And green and red are gorgeous and pleasant I find, my friends wear them so well and sadly better than I most of the time. Yellow is adorable and feels comfortable witn me often I adorn myself with colors of these And my good sir when I wish to feel as a child as yourself, I am most pure and innocent in white. Yes indeed-yes-yes indeed I love all colors good man. and tell me, Oh yes, before our converstaion must end - of which of these do you hold in demand? Good lady so innocent we were you and I as a child I do remember now, before our chat became so wild, of which table I did belong or perhaps I knew all along. It was a good talk we've had and to leave you makes me very sad. Of all the colors we spoke I must say I too share them all some I have enjoyed less and some even more than I saw. Choose for me not green and address me not with red, hold for me blue, yes I think blue, maybe for evening chats a touch of yellow too. I mix well with yellow and blue and I must share my secret I like green I do. Now I see my table that I couldn't see before, It's hue is clear and it's still quite far. Farewell dear lady I must leave you behind your much to old for me and I'm still quiet childish in my mind.

YeSiam: I don't know it may seem old fashioned but don't you think people feel better about green if they work for it - I mean would they not appreciate it more? Urhan: Perhaps, but what do I care if they appreciate it more what is that to me, the only thing we are asking is share the green and put out the cat, the mouse is wild and his tail can be seen. Take that to your government icons and chew on the fat awhile. Yesiam: Thanks for the interview.

MEETING THE DEMANDS OF THE AMIA - IRI

2007-07-20T14:36:00.000-07:00

IRI NEWS BRIEFS/THE WORLD AROUND YOU IRI NEWS BREAK 47 Minutes ago IRI Staff Reporters: Hoosa R. Spansible Jorga Van Detta Bulletin Release... AMIA On behalf of the American Mexican in America, We would like to express our deep concern of extreme prejudice and on-going harrassment in the streets of this nation. We will list and read our concerns and may take questions afterward. First, it has come to our attention that the Mexican community, which language we hope to amend, have been the recipitents of such deragatory remarks as, Are you Mexican when filling out forms and also referred to as such in the news media and the media at large being affiliated with television, movies and the like. Since being Mexican and referred to as such has brought disgrace upon our name we are hereby electing to change the status quo and become known as, AmericanChalleged until such time as we occupy the states which would be legally entitled to the government of Mexico and those states are, Texas, California, Florida, Arizona, Utah, Ohio, Nevada and New York. There may be more to add to the list but for now these will suffice. Schedule A Second, We have applied with the Americans With Disability Act to have a new list placed underneath that framework to include both legal and illegal Mexican workers and laborers under the title of "AmericaChallenged" which would only apply to those stated workers as listed. We ask for compensation for our work involved in jobs which citizens of the United States will not do either due to a lazy attitude or worse yet "apathy". We are asking for educational rights for our peoples and their families both in America and Mexico and an eight year per individual payment schedule, including their dependants, irregardless of age, housing and food and electrical/water provision under such educational benefits be inclusive also. We wish for the AC to attend the school(s) of their choice, especially in the fields of computerization and literature and law. Schedule B Third, We have asked for recompensation for work accomplished in America for each adult and child in the amounts of 2.5 million dollars and for those whom are wrongfully called illegal and/or Mexican and additional .5 million to become the added sum of 3 million dollars. We also are asking for an additional 1 Trillion dollars to be place in the AMIA funds to help legally protect and secure the rights for all of the AmericaChallenged (AC) as noted in Schedule B. Fourth, We are asking for the resignation of 2/3 of the Congress and Senate to be replaced, rightfully so, with the AC we will designate at a later date. Fifth, We are asking that all signs, restaurants, public and private arenas to be establish with only the language of the Mexican dialect. Sixth, We are asking for the removal of all Italian meeting houses, public forums to be abolished and hopefully, soon be deported back to Italy as they have taken up a mockery of our organizations namesake AMIA and have used such derogatory terms as "Mama amia" which we will not tolerate. Seventh, We are asking the USC (united states citizens) to tolerate our influence in this country until such time as lineage can be traced as to where each citizen and their country origin may be located. Eightth, We are asking for the removal through retirement etc..., of 2/3 of all school teachers and government workers and replacement with AC workers this also would apply to all business public or private and 501C groups as to incorporate a more diverse look in the American picture. Ninth, We are asking that any future terrorists bombings, destructions etc..., be done against only those in America who use the title of United States Citizens and that the group AC be not targeted or injured in any way. Tenth, We are asking that the timetable for a terrorist hit or attack be moved up 3-4 weeks to the last week of July 2007 and again only against the USC. We do not feel these demands to be exorberant and/or demanding and now we will "field" any questions you may have. Sir, IRI staff here, Who is your President at the AMIA? AMIA: ElPresidente Vincynthia Fox and we would also like to advise you not to get out of your seat during questioning session as you may be replaced.

IRI NEWS BRIEFS/THE WORLD AROUND YOU

2007-07-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

IRI NEWS BRIEFS AND BULLETINS FROM THE IRI DESK AND REPORTER TEAMS OF BEHN HAIDD AND YeSiam Pennit IRI News Brief/a publication of watching you watching us Thursday, July 12, 2007 45 minutes ago NEWS BRIEFS/BULLETINS * Mikel ShirtOff reveals terrorist attack may occur by the end of summer....To meet today with the President over concerns of leak and possible attack.....President expresses concern over Americans anticipation of fear and intimidation of terrorists moves attacks up 3 - 4 weeks...... * Pope's condemnation of Protestant Churches not going to heaven sparks new war moves by the IRA block and the Orange society Ireland braces for war while the President of the US makes plans to send another 100,000 US troops to Ireland.... * Eastern Orthodox Catholic Church decries Pope's message and begins move to separate once again from the Vatican Enclave... * Mexico and Canada visibly shaken by the recent vote of Congress and Senate to insure the right of gun owners to keep ownership and purchases out of the hands of the police, will withdraw from becoming the 53rd and 54th states to the United States.... * Mexico to Canada Superhighway plans put on hold...due to withdrawl concerns of the statehood into America....Road Czar to the SuperCollider Highway F.Latey Chancer stated, "We were running into Natural Habitat problems concerning the land Snail Darter and were being sued by the ItsMyPet Foundation so it is probably a good idea to cool it for now and let calmer minds prevail....."This is all ridiculous", stated a very miffed President Bush, "As if moving the terrorist's plan to hit America ahead 4 weeks isn't enough of a problem, now I have to babysit the whiners of Mexico and Canada, you would think they could get a grip." "I am extremely miffed and do not care who knows it"..... * CDC maintains no crucial evidence was lost during the recent 22million dollar debacle. "It is sort of like we had this money, not laptops,computers or vials of Russian-made Smallpox like that reporter, Behn Haidd reported", stated spokesman Tommie Skinder, "It's all bogus, what he stated"....."Do you realize how easy it is to lose 22 million dollars, you try to keep tabs of it and see if you do not lose it also, this is bunk"..... * Mexico/Canada to appeal to Supreme Court to have 2nd Amendment to the Constitution repealed and made null and void... * Despite heavy losses on Wall Street the Dow resounded with a 300% increase....will continue gains until correction can be made to take place..... * Floods in the drought-laden areas of the west have increased the peoples attempt to take things in stride...... * Brittany Spears is to re-enter rehad this August...her regret-"I may not get to see the terrorist hit on the US"....Oh Brittany..... * Paris Hilton remains in the news despite Fox,CBS,MSNBC,CSPAN,SPORTS NETWORK, 2 hour long specials of We Should Not Be Reporting On Paris Hilton which will run daily on a three time basis, one of which is to repeat in Prime Time..... * Willie O'Really reasserts his understanding of false accusations toward President Bill Clinton's womanizing in the White House, "I do defend him and myself also, I did not touch that woman."..... .........NEWS BRIEFS.....NEWS BRIEFS......NEWS BRIEFS............................

MEXICO/CANADA ANGRY AT GUN LAW MAY STOP STATEHOOD

2007-07-12T14:53:00.000-07:00

Lawmakers block access to gun sales data (MEXICO EX-PRESIDENT IS ANGERED BECAUSE 2ND ADMENDMENT TO THE CONSTITUTION-THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS IS PROTECTED-EX-PRESIDENT VINCYNTHIA FOX STATES "IT IS INDEED A TRAGEDY FOR MEXICO WHICH IS TO BECOME THE 53RD STATE OF AMERICA. CANADIAN PARLIMENT EXPRESSES ANGUISH TOWARD LAW PROTECTION AND MAY RECONSIDER THE 54TH STATE PROPOSAL.) Pro-gun rights Democrats teamed with House Republicans on Thursday to block local governments and law enforcement agencies from gaining routine access to gun-purchasing data. The House Appropriations Committee defeated two attempts by gun control advocates to strip four-year-old restrictions on the use of information from Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives tracing gun sales. The votes were a victory for the National Rifle Association and came despite the Democratic takeover of Congress in January. The committee's emotional debate often focused on broader gun rights issues rather than the matter at hand, involving when the bureau can share such information. Gun control advocates say the gun sales data is essential to uncovering dealers who sell guns that disproportionately end up in the hands of criminals. Gun rights advocates, led by Rep. Todd Tiahrt, R-Kan., said mayors such as New York City's Michael Bloomberg want the data to sue out-of-state gun dealers. Tiahrt, the key sponsor of the restrictions on sharing gun trace data, also said easing the restrictions could lead to the disclosure of police officers' identities and other details to criminals. "What the Tiahrt amendment does is protect those who protect us," Tiahrt said. Pro-gun advocates say the data-sharing restrictions protect gun owners' privacy. But Bloomberg and other mayors contend they hamper law enforcement authorities' ability to trace illegal guns and arrest weapons traffickers. "This handcuffs the cops, not the criminals," said Rep. C.A. "Dutch" Ruppersberger, D-Md. More than a dozen Democrats, most from rural districts, joined with all but two committee Republicans to defeat a bid by Rep. Patrick Kennedy, D-R.I., to ease the data sharing restrictions but ensure that police officers' names would not be compromised. Earlier, a bid by Rep. Jim Moran, D-Va., to reject Tiahrt's language altogether lost by a voice vote. The mayors say gun tracing data helps police departments determine the source of illegal guns, who buys them and how they are distributed. Almost three-fifths of guns used in crimes are sold by just 1 percent of gun dealers, who forge relationship with gun traffickers making multiple purchases. Under Bloomberg, who recently left the GOP amid speculation he may run for president as an independent, the city has sued out-of-state gun dealers in an attempt to reduce the flow of illegal guns into New York. The NRA-backed restrictions block cities from getting ATF data for such suits. The committee chairman, Rep. David Obey — a liberal Democrat representing a rural Wisconsin district — said the issue was only marginally related to gun rights. He opposed the efforts to ease the data restrictions. But Obey lashed out at both the NRA, which failed to endorse him in his most recent race despite his pro-gun rights record, and Bloomberg. He said the mayor's representatives met with his staff and threatened to run television ads attacking him. Lindsay Ellenbogen, a Bloomberg aide, denied any threats. Bloomberg is co-chairman of Mayors Against Illegal Gun Sales, which has run ads in a few congressional districts. Thursday's result continued a run of back luck on Capitol Hill for gun control advocates. They have lost many times since a Democratic-controlled Congress pushed through an assault weapons ban in 1994. Many Democrats credited the ban for losses in rural seats as the party took a drubbing at the polls that year. The return of Congress to Democratic hands did not appreciably hurt the NRA's position because many of the newcomers are from rural, pro-gun rights districts. "To allow this information to be misused by trial lawyers and gun control groups who want to sue gun manufacturers because criminals misused legally made and legally sold guns is not only bad policy but bad politics," said Chris W. Cox, the NRA's top lobbyist. The votes came as the committee approved a $53.6 billion bill for the departments of Commerce and Justice, as well as NASA and science programs. ONE POST-NOTE THE CATHOLIC GROUP CALLED, NUNS WITH GUNS, PRESERVED RIGHTS UNDER ATT.JANET RENO UNDER THE CLINTON PRESIDENCY WILL RETAIN THEIR RIGHT TO PRIVACY AND CARRY.

IRI INTERVIEW WITH CDC AND MISSING 22MIL

2007-07-12T09:34:00.000-07:00

Equipment worth $22M missing from CDC 1 hour, 23 minutes ago The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services will investigate the disappearance of $22 million worth of equipment, computers and other items from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Last month, a congressional oversight committee requested an audit of the CDC's property management procedures and an investigation into allegations of theft at the center. CDC officials said they have accounted for about $9 million in missing goods in recent weeks. "A thorough audit will help stop the bleeding of taxpayer-owned property at CDC," U.S. Rep. Joe Barton, R-Texas, a member of the House Committee on Energy and Commerce, said in a statement Wednesday. "In cases of theft, it will also tell us what happened to the thieves." The committee specifically said it was concerned about a suspected "insider" burglary of $500,000 in computers, and millions of dollars worth of other items missing or unaccounted for since the CDC's last audit in 1995. Daniel Levinson, inspector general of Health and Human Services, told Barton in a June 25 letter that his department would conduct an audit and investigate the theft allegations, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Thursday. Between fiscal 2004 and 2006, there were 61 investigations into the theft or disappearance of CDC property. No arrests or disciplinary action resulted from those investigations, and several are ongoing, CDC spokesman Tom Skinner said. He said much of the equipment was discovered missing during a reorganization at the center. Staff are using new computer programs to better track items, he said. IRI NEWS AND VIEWS 3 hours and few minutes. INTERVIEW WITH THE HEAD OF THE CDC AND RECORDS KEEPING UNIT Tommie: Welcome to the CDC, glad we could set this story straight. IRI: My name is Behn Haidd, and I thank you for inviting us to conduct this interview, would you like to check my ID and credentials-my press pass? Tommie: No, of course not. We here at CDC trust all peoples of the world and have nothing to hide nor withhold, give us the questions and "ha-ha" I hope we can clear up a few things. (I note at this point that Tommie either winked at me or had something in his eye). IRI: It has been reported that you and your staff have lost over 22 million dollars of equipment and are now under and ongoing congressional investigation, is there any truth to this story? Tom: Yes, unfortunately, Some equipment, records, and vials of some type of green looking stuff have turned up missing in action, so to speak, "ha-ha" you know a real MIA type of drama but you'll never see this type of stuff on TV you know what I mean? They use only the fake stories never the real stuff. IRI: Can you elaborate, or tell us what some of the more "compromised" items may be missing? What about the peoples whom have AID's and other infectious diseases, are they missing any records, and thank goodness there were no nuclear launch codes lost as in the previous two administrations (speaking of the current administration)...! Tom: Well....let's see..how should I put this, uh, on the AID's thingee I suppose some of those records were what we would consider in the secret world - compromised. As bad as I hate to state this, imagine if the President and his Vice and the Congress,Senate,Judicial departments were, shall I say, Hit or as we say "interrupted" would you not want someone in charge of the Nukes who were very responsible, in case of an attack, now you can see what we are up against. IRI: Were there any suspicious characters "hangin out or around the CDC lately" and if so can you tell us what and who they are? Tom: Well, heh-heh, there was this one guy and some of his so-called "doctor friends", but I mean, be real they could not recite any of the medical information we were sharing with them and they kept asking about "vials of Russian made Smallpox". When I asked the good doctor, if he was a doctor "ha-ha" about the medical definition of the RSP (Russian Made Smallpox) he did not know how to define it or what it looked like or where we kept it stored I had to show him everything, he didn't even know the combination to the vault where we keep the stuff stored, I mean, you talk about your dummies and Morons, and that's with a capitial M for stupid, this guy was loaded. And get this, his name was, if you can believe it Amaso Neb Nedal what a clown and he fancied his big beard and kept rubbing it, you know what I mean, what a real winner. And the guys with him were like your first year med students and they kept stating, "You do not have authority or laptops for, how do you say, nuke lauch codes, right?" What a dunce if I told him once I must have told him a thousand times, "Yes, I have the codes but it's just me no one else has the codes except Mike, Tony, Roberta, Lois and a few others whom I don't know their names" he wasn't convinced I finally had to give him one of the laptops to convince him, what an idiot. IRI: Did he return the laptop to you? Did you check their ID's? Tom: Well, I am sure he did or if he didn't he meant to return it. We here at CDC do not check ID's or discriminate in any fashion, that's your local boys who do that, you know, your hometown heros the police or cops as we call them, what a bunch of know it alls, they have to know where people are from, check their ID's and passports, you know, the stuff that gives us all the willies..! I have even heard they use mirrors underneath cars and trucks and use "sniffer dogs" I mean, gee whiz, what's that all about? If you ask me we would be better off if the FEDs were in charge locally. IRI: You do know that is against the Constitution don't you? Are you aware that M.ShirtOff has stated that we may soon be hit by a terrorist attack by late summer? Tom: Oh, the Constitution, "What's that" stated Tom (with that uncanny wink as he had before), a little tidbit for you as a reporter, you guys should learn your law - when we signed onto NAFTA, GATT and soon with AFTA, and this I bet you didn't know it was against the arachic Constitution and in signing such made it null and void, that is why we turned 20 miles of each side of all waterways, including the small ponds and creeks over to the UN and also our National Parks, why do you think they call them International Parks (?), you should read that Constitution you talk about and these small insignificant details you would know. And about the late Summer hit by terrorists, you haven't heard, because all the people were getting distraught with not knowing the exact timetable the President and Mr. ShirtOff have had it move up to within a few weeks, boy, if I did not know any better I would say that you reporters were just as much an idiot as the Amaso Neb Nedal group that he brought here but at least they could fly commercial jets, I bet you can't do that can you? IRI: No, you got me there I am not a pilot. Do you have any views on this recent Pope comment that any one that is not in the Catholic Church are not going to heaven? Tom: Keep this off the record as we are not allowed to mix Church and State, oops sorry, that was under the Constitution, "you should interview some of the Popes mouthpieces" they can give you plenty of comments. IRI: And who would that be? Tom: Anyone at Foxx Tv and practically any other network, but I ask you he's German, right, I mean this Pope-he's German, what did you expect? But for now I must close this interview and ask that you keep my name out of the media for appearance sake. IRI: Yes, he's German and perhaps you are right. We honour all of our interviews by withholding names upon request, I thank you for your time and letting us come into the CDC but I must ask, why such a hurry? Tom: Well that really," intelligent doctor" is due to drop in and I have to go over a few more codes with him and his comrades, you remember, the dude as I call him in private, named Amaso Neb Nebal, have a great day. IRI: Thank you, and you also.

THE AGE OF REASONING - WHY THE CHICKEN CROSSED THE ROAD

2007-06-17T16:03:00.000-07:00

EDITOR: ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANY CHICKEN IS UNINTENTIONAL ALL CHARACTERS ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND INTENDED TO BE FICTIONAL. -disclaimer Subject: Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road All you ever wanted to know about chickens and more.GEORGE W. BUSH: I don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here. AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services tothe American people. COLIN POWELL: Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road. HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road. MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador): The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This chicken crossing was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. GERALDO RIVERA: With great bravado he sketched a map in the sand showing the position of the chicken as it crossed the road. RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. PAT BUCHANAN: That chicken crossed the road to steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome.Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross. MARTHA STEWART: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone. GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road. JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. VOLTAIRE: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it. RONALD REAGAN: What chicken? CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -and the best part is that eChicken is embedded into Windows and will automatically start each and every time you turn on your computer ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please? COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one? US Postal Supervisor: It's always funny until someone gets its eye put out and then it's no laughing matter. Redneck: Free food on the road. Bill Clinton: I want the American people to hear me! I did not look at that bird, the chicken. I did not lust after it as it crossed the road. I did not gaze upon it unseemingly, not one single time. This is vast right wing conspiracy.... Dang, if the bird didn't have one hot pair of legs, though. George Bush: To obtain Weapons of Mass Destruction. Dick Cheney: To hide WMD's.

2007-05-12T18:15:00.000-07:00

Justified Man Whose way is just? Look at you and the way you go Inside your raveled, outward you stand so You say, "If I" but you do or say not And after all you've boasted you have what - You would a man to death if he disagree And yet you say I know follow me And after your walk has became dust Tell me if now you know - Whose way is just? SHELLED MAN They'll say he looked well dressed so fine and proper. A dasher he is - one can tell A bit O'respect and a quaint shopper And the black no pen stripe yet offset in white he's quiet the gent, His hair the look of moist a wee bit wet To some rather appointment he's probably sent A dapper gent probably insue of a king A slave to the crown - but with due respect They say he has a voice and he can sing Like a mirror he is he causes reflect We admire him - well - maybe one or two And ask any and they'll attest Did you know him, this Dapper, did you? I don't think so they inquire, but he does look well.

THE BIRTH OF HOPE

2007-05-11T14:29:00.000-07:00

Now I face the battle and the trumpet has sounded in my hands I feel the cold steel grey I wish my LORD we didn't fight this day My enemy swiftly approaches his blade a target has founded my LORD I hope we never fight another war this way. Deadly is the jungle the air is poison and rank my one desire is to make it another day. To the rear I hear the stems breaking his aim is true as his bullet seeks it's pay my chest is spurting blood and aching. My LORD I hope we never fight another war this way. Now the wars are over people are lying all around funny we were never quite this close I hope death will find me laying here in this inferno that we called a city, At least I know there'll never be another war fought this way.

2007-05-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

I saw a mouse cry

and the enemy was in hand

The guests ran astray

Comeback guests, said I,

the mouse is gone away.

I saw a housefly

and then I heard a pat

He's gone said I, and

his remains be unknown.

I heard a boy cry

while in the battlefield

come ahead said I, his

peace he does yeild

twas I that heard the mouse

cry.

Sometime I sit and wonder why it must be but mainly I sit and wonder

2007-05-11T14:17:00.000-07:00

sometime i sit alone and wonder.... Once, I knew someone whether close or far I can not tell, for they were it seemed but for a moment and then they were not. Seems they had a journey or so I am told to a higher plane to arrive they must go. Here they were and now they are not tis but a pity for I was made far richer by their presence than the shadow they left behind. I do not wish that they had gone for for me it will be much,much,harder journey which must be. Alone I sat beneath the might of the elm tree,twas but a yellow light that shone through me and yet someday I will know twas me beneath the might of the elm tree. There is a place to which we must go whether golden in hue or amber in dread we must assimilate in one room in one place,but I hope the darkness will not O'rtake the light. Twas but an elm tree and yet to go he had to but leave.There was it seems another time another place and yet the distance was measured quite thus far,the closer we attained the farther it seemed,and yet the warmth of the heart glowed so much that it seemed as if I had known all along what must be, Ah childhood,how precious,how innocent you and I,how sweet the memory a store,a place, and yet a milkshake or two and it was I that journeyed into a time of sweet embrace. It seemed so long ago but yet,sadly enough if I may play but a moment of words,it was only yesterday so far removed and yet I lay at a table uncovered alone and waiting for you.find me if you may but remember me if you must for we danced but for awhile

WOMAN ATTACKED BY RARE "LID" SNAKE WHILE ATTENDING PARTY

2007-05-05T16:17:00.000-07:00

BRAKING NEWS:

IRI NEWS INTERNATIONAL -Louisville,KY

While everyone was enjoying the rare visit from the Queen of England-danger lurked from the ceiling fan for one brave woman:

Physicians at the local St.Mary's Hospital (name withheld for identification purposes) have released a news item involving a new type of rare but deadly snake, dubbed the "lid" snake because it's attack is mainly to the eyelid region of the face. She dodged a paperwad thrown at her by close friend and associate Dana Earthridge (Name withheld by Dana as she did not want her employees at a local paperwad making company PAWADDIE inc., to know she engaged in such frivilous activity, especially since she had recently written the book, "IT'S ALWAYS FUNNY UNTIL SOMEONE GETS THEIR EYE PUT OUT" published by DERBYRUN publishing company out of Louisville.) "It is a real touch of irony", decried Dana (name withheld per request), "I throw a paperwad and Slaphapy (last name of victim "Sharin") she dodges and the next thing I know she is stumbling all over the room, knocking over glasses, potted flowers, breaking vases and flushing the toilitry ( as they call the commode in Louisville as they are now attached to the Royals of English descent), I have no idea why she stumbled down the hall, went through a closed door, flushed the "bobbie" and stumbled back into the foya or living room as the commoners call it, I can only deduce that it is an after effect of the "Lid" snake venom." A pair of medics (paramedics as they are called in the rest of the USA, but this reporter did not want to get into the age old argument of, "Wal dey always run in twos don dey" who could argue that point?). When Slaphapy arrived at the hospital the doctors immediately began striking Slaphapy with the open palm as to disperse the venom from permanently attaching itself only to the eye region. It's a strange phenomonon, phenomon, ,as the doctor, whose hands were now reddened from the unusal striking, (striking or slapping as they say in England, is needed to offset the poison), struggled to form and correctly spell his words. "We have called in another team of doctors, about 5 to assist in this grueling treatment for the patients full recovery however we can't cross our fingers for hope as they are very red and sore, this is why we called in the additional physicians, in time of such an emergency we must do all that we can," stated Doctor Mion Hanwnout. This is definitely something this reporter, bar ceiling fan attacks, will keep his eye on (no pun intended) for the near future, all we can do now is hope, hope for Dana as she struggles to confess her error to her employees and cleans up the mess made by one stumbling Sharin, and hope for the doctors that their "reddened hands" don't give out, hope for one woman, who is looking very much embarrassed, one Slaphapy that one day she may walk in a land, seek out equal pay for equal work, perhaps run for President of the United States (look out President Bush), who may one day have her own talk show, hope for Slaphapy will remain huge for the people of America, as she may one day regain her composure and pursue happiness in a land of equality, love, peace and calm reassurance that she will never have to be slapped so frequently and so violently in her future. It is no wonder to this reporter that the last four letters in Slaphapy are "hapy" - Watch out for the fan! just kidding - Slaphapy.

IRI Reporter: YeSiam Pennit

Be sure to see the article on Willie OReally which is to follow.