WOMAN ATTACKED BY RARE "LID" SNAKE WHILE ATTENDING PARTY

BRAKING NEWS:

IRI NEWS INTERNATIONAL -Louisville,KY

While everyone was enjoying the rare visit from the Queen of England-danger lurked from the ceiling fan for one brave woman:

Physicians at the local St.Mary's Hospital (name withheld for identification purposes) have released a news item involving a new type of rare but deadly snake, dubbed the "lid" snake because it's attack is mainly to the eyelid region of the face. She dodged a paperwad thrown at her by close friend and associate Dana Earthridge (Name withheld by Dana as she did not want her employees at a local paperwad making company PAWADDIE inc., to know she engaged in such frivilous activity, especially since she had recently written the book, "IT'S ALWAYS FUNNY UNTIL SOMEONE GETS THEIR EYE PUT OUT" published by DERBYRUN publishing company out of Louisville.) "It is a real touch of irony", decried Dana (name withheld per request), "I throw a paperwad and Slaphapy (last name of victim "Sharin") she dodges and the next thing I know she is stumbling all over the room, knocking over glasses, potted flowers, breaking vases and flushing the toilitry ( as they call the commode in Louisville as they are now attached to the Royals of English descent), I have no idea why she stumbled down the hall, went through a closed door, flushed the "bobbie" and stumbled back into the foya or living room as the commoners call it, I can only deduce that it is an after effect of the "Lid" snake venom." A pair of medics (paramedics as they are called in the rest of the USA, but this reporter did not want to get into the age old argument of, "Wal dey always run in twos don dey" who could argue that point?). When Slaphapy arrived at the hospital the doctors immediately began striking Slaphapy with the open palm as to disperse the venom from permanently attaching itself only to the eye region. It's a strange phenomonon, phenomon, ,as the doctor, whose hands were now reddened from the unusal striking, (striking or slapping as they say in England, is needed to offset the poison), struggled to form and correctly spell his words. "We have called in another team of doctors, about 5 to assist in this grueling treatment for the patients full recovery however we can't cross our fingers for hope as they are very red and sore, this is why we called in the additional physicians, in time of such an emergency we must do all that we can," stated Doctor Mion Hanwnout. This is definitely something this reporter, bar ceiling fan attacks, will keep his eye on (no pun intended) for the near future, all we can do now is hope, hope for Dana as she struggles to confess her error to her employees and cleans up the mess made by one stumbling Sharin, and hope for the doctors that their "reddened hands" don't give out, hope for one woman, who is looking very much embarrassed, one Slaphapy that one day she may walk in a land, seek out equal pay for equal work, perhaps run for President of the United States (look out President Bush), who may one day have her own talk show, hope for Slaphapy will remain huge for the people of America, as she may one day regain her composure and pursue happiness in a land of equality, love, peace and calm reassurance that she will never have to be slapped so frequently and so violently in her future. It is no wonder to this reporter that the last four letters in Slaphapy are "hapy" - Watch out for the fan! just kidding - Slaphapy.

IRI Reporter: YeSiam Pennit

Be sure to see the article on Willie OReally which is to follow.