WHY YOU DO NOT GET YOUR MAIL

WHY YOU CAN'T GET YOUR MAIL An article you will only see on Themousecried bringing you the only truth in media with no bias. A PAGE ONE PRODUCTION UPDATED: Sunday, January 27, 2008 2:10pm IRI - A Page One Enterprise Reporter: Atta Boi In a meeting of Postal Governors assembled at the White House before the Congressional investigative branch called OIG ( Office of the Inspector General ) Postmaster E. Don Karrie made postal history with his remarks. "We have known for quite sometime in the postal community why it is and has become so difficult to obtain your mail, that is, why the everyday citizen cannot get their mail". stated Postmaster E. Don Karrie. In a quick rebuttal the Honourable Congresswoman Wanna Knotte Servu from the state of Virginia stated, "Pray tell Mr. Karrie, I think we all join in anticipation to hear this, so speak on." "In our research of more than 50 branches throughout the United States and from our sister branches found throughout the world and being funded by the Congressional Oversight Undertaking of the General House or as we use the common acronym phrase, COUGH, and at a cost of 1/3.5 billion dollars we have made some inroads on the problem." stated Postmaster E. Don Karrie. "In all of these branches we have found the customer to be at fault but not to their own blame, it was a conglomeration, if you will of many things to which we will need more time and funding to exact the cause to a specific reason." "Postmaster E. Don Karrie, in other words, you really don't know any more than you did, do you? and how dare you to come before this respectful committee with nothing to show for all your research except we need more money, who do you think we are and how naive do you think this committee to be?" exclaimed the Honourable Congressman Given U. Moore from the grand state of Idaho, "Have you no answers to why the common citizen has not been able to receive their mail in a timely fashion?" "That's just it Congressman, we do have answers, as I was stating, in our research we have found a common link to be the reason and a very simple one although I must admit we are not sure at this time what the real cause, underlying as it may be, of the failure of the recipitent not receiving their mail, however we do know the reason the post office cannot deliver the mail in a timely fashion. In our research we have discovered that 98.6% of the addresses, names, block numbers, spellings in the local phone books in the local communities to be in error. Even when we approached the phone books in larger cities we found the ratio of errors to be 90.8% of the same type of mistakes. In any event we have ascertained certain conclusions to our research: 1. Since in the larger cities we found a 07.6 less error rate difference than in the smaller cities, we could approach the problem by making the smaller cities larger, but this could take substantial time to accomplish and would create a larger volume of mail which would increase the numbers of errors and eventually lead to more testing and much more funding than that we are seeking here today. 2. We could assign everyone within a state the same name, or as a matter of fact we could even do it by the local city which would have greater potential and we could ask the citizens to help us in this direction therefore giving them a sense of satisfaction in assisting in their own mail delivery. It would work somewhat like this, lets say that the city is for example Sunbright, Tennessee but the county seat is Morgan County. What we would do is assign for Sunbright the name ( and this could be any generated name ) of Bob Smite but the name for Morgan County itself would be something like Rodney Doorite this eliminating any confusion. In the counties or cities where there are more female than male we could assign the name appropriately. So in, lets say, Sunbright the name that would be on all mail boxes would be Bob Smite and we would assign those whom have mail boxes at their local post office and come there to pick up their mail, we might use the name Bobbi Smited or some other type of name bearing the original name assigned to that county in some form. This way we would know who picks up their mail and whose mail is actually delivered to their home. 3. We could assign everyone a number on their mailbox however, eventually the mailboxes would become longer or wider as currently there are about 280 million people in the US and that number would exclude the illegals which would present a new range of problems, as would also that of the homeless, and we would have to hire mathmaticians to configure who gets what number and how many 0's it would take or number values to assign - this would take a lot of time and more funding. 4. We could teach everyone how to print their own name and address, however, we would first have to know what those might be and now we are talking about obtaining the files from the Department of Licenses and we hear they have similiar problems reaching the same people to renew their license, this too would require additional professors for the correct spelling, and of course, more funding. 5. We could relocate those in smaller counties and cities into the bigger cities, but you would probably have some that would object and it brings to mind the fiasco the government had with the TVA moving in and taking over the land in Tellico, Tennessee and forcing the farmers off the land only to sell the land at a profit, but then you would have to hire more real estate agents and builders. Of course we are more than willing to cooperate with this committee if they should decide to do so as we have brother-in-laws and relatives that do this type of work as we are sure you could contract out as well. 6. It is our conclusion that we would incorporate the first suggestion and combine it with the second which we would have to work out at a later date, nevertheless we are open to any suggestions from this committee, and you can see your monies have been well spent and we have indeed been busy. This concludes our report at this time. "I don't know about the rest of you", exclaimed the Honourable Congressman Given U. Moore, "but I would like to extend a sincere personal apology to Postmaster E. Don Karrie and to make a motion to grant any funding, within reason of course, as I now understand what a difficult challenge he and the board of Governors must labor through to get the job done, my kudos to you and your staff for doing such an outstanding job - well done. This committee stands adjourned for spring break" And with that said the gavel slammed the table as Congress adjourned for the spring break. This has been a special report from the pages of themousecried all rights reserved. Tommorrow: A special report, Paulson pushes Senate for stimulus deal WASHINGTON - President Bush's chief negotiator on an economic aid deal said Sunday the Senate should quickly get behind a plan or risk drawing the resentment of a frustrated public. Copyright © 2008 Themousecried. All rights reserved. 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