IRI INTERVIEW WITH CDC AND MISSING 22MIL

Equipment worth $22M missing from CDC 1 hour, 23 minutes ago The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services will investigate the disappearance of $22 million worth of equipment, computers and other items from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Last month, a congressional oversight committee requested an audit of the CDC's property management procedures and an investigation into allegations of theft at the center. CDC officials said they have accounted for about $9 million in missing goods in recent weeks. "A thorough audit will help stop the bleeding of taxpayer-owned property at CDC," U.S. Rep. Joe Barton, R-Texas, a member of the House Committee on Energy and Commerce, said in a statement Wednesday. "In cases of theft, it will also tell us what happened to the thieves." The committee specifically said it was concerned about a suspected "insider" burglary of $500,000 in computers, and millions of dollars worth of other items missing or unaccounted for since the CDC's last audit in 1995. Daniel Levinson, inspector general of Health and Human Services, told Barton in a June 25 letter that his department would conduct an audit and investigate the theft allegations, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Thursday. Between fiscal 2004 and 2006, there were 61 investigations into the theft or disappearance of CDC property. No arrests or disciplinary action resulted from those investigations, and several are ongoing, CDC spokesman Tom Skinner said. He said much of the equipment was discovered missing during a reorganization at the center. Staff are using new computer programs to better track items, he said. IRI NEWS AND VIEWS 3 hours and few minutes. INTERVIEW WITH THE HEAD OF THE CDC AND RECORDS KEEPING UNIT Tommie: Welcome to the CDC, glad we could set this story straight. IRI: My name is Behn Haidd, and I thank you for inviting us to conduct this interview, would you like to check my ID and credentials-my press pass? Tommie: No, of course not. We here at CDC trust all peoples of the world and have nothing to hide nor withhold, give us the questions and "ha-ha" I hope we can clear up a few things. (I note at this point that Tommie either winked at me or had something in his eye). IRI: It has been reported that you and your staff have lost over 22 million dollars of equipment and are now under and ongoing congressional investigation, is there any truth to this story? Tom: Yes, unfortunately, Some equipment, records, and vials of some type of green looking stuff have turned up missing in action, so to speak, "ha-ha" you know a real MIA type of drama but you'll never see this type of stuff on TV you know what I mean? They use only the fake stories never the real stuff. IRI: Can you elaborate, or tell us what some of the more "compromised" items may be missing? What about the peoples whom have AID's and other infectious diseases, are they missing any records, and thank goodness there were no nuclear launch codes lost as in the previous two administrations (speaking of the current administration)...! Tom: Well....let's see..how should I put this, uh, on the AID's thingee I suppose some of those records were what we would consider in the secret world - compromised. As bad as I hate to state this, imagine if the President and his Vice and the Congress,Senate,Judicial departments were, shall I say, Hit or as we say "interrupted" would you not want someone in charge of the Nukes who were very responsible, in case of an attack, now you can see what we are up against. IRI: Were there any suspicious characters "hangin out or around the CDC lately" and if so can you tell us what and who they are? Tom: Well, heh-heh, there was this one guy and some of his so-called "doctor friends", but I mean, be real they could not recite any of the medical information we were sharing with them and they kept asking about "vials of Russian made Smallpox". When I asked the good doctor, if he was a doctor "ha-ha" about the medical definition of the RSP (Russian Made Smallpox) he did not know how to define it or what it looked like or where we kept it stored I had to show him everything, he didn't even know the combination to the vault where we keep the stuff stored, I mean, you talk about your dummies and Morons, and that's with a capitial M for stupid, this guy was loaded. And get this, his name was, if you can believe it Amaso Neb Nedal what a clown and he fancied his big beard and kept rubbing it, you know what I mean, what a real winner. And the guys with him were like your first year med students and they kept stating, "You do not have authority or laptops for, how do you say, nuke lauch codes, right?" What a dunce if I told him once I must have told him a thousand times, "Yes, I have the codes but it's just me no one else has the codes except Mike, Tony, Roberta, Lois and a few others whom I don't know their names" he wasn't convinced I finally had to give him one of the laptops to convince him, what an idiot. IRI: Did he return the laptop to you? Did you check their ID's? Tom: Well, I am sure he did or if he didn't he meant to return it. We here at CDC do not check ID's or discriminate in any fashion, that's your local boys who do that, you know, your hometown heros the police or cops as we call them, what a bunch of know it alls, they have to know where people are from, check their ID's and passports, you know, the stuff that gives us all the willies..! I have even heard they use mirrors underneath cars and trucks and use "sniffer dogs" I mean, gee whiz, what's that all about? If you ask me we would be better off if the FEDs were in charge locally. IRI: You do know that is against the Constitution don't you? Are you aware that M.ShirtOff has stated that we may soon be hit by a terrorist attack by late summer? Tom: Oh, the Constitution, "What's that" stated Tom (with that uncanny wink as he had before), a little tidbit for you as a reporter, you guys should learn your law - when we signed onto NAFTA, GATT and soon with AFTA, and this I bet you didn't know it was against the arachic Constitution and in signing such made it null and void, that is why we turned 20 miles of each side of all waterways, including the small ponds and creeks over to the UN and also our National Parks, why do you think they call them International Parks (?), you should read that Constitution you talk about and these small insignificant details you would know. And about the late Summer hit by terrorists, you haven't heard, because all the people were getting distraught with not knowing the exact timetable the President and Mr. ShirtOff have had it move up to within a few weeks, boy, if I did not know any better I would say that you reporters were just as much an idiot as the Amaso Neb Nedal group that he brought here but at least they could fly commercial jets, I bet you can't do that can you? IRI: No, you got me there I am not a pilot. Do you have any views on this recent Pope comment that any one that is not in the Catholic Church are not going to heaven? Tom: Keep this off the record as we are not allowed to mix Church and State, oops sorry, that was under the Constitution, "you should interview some of the Popes mouthpieces" they can give you plenty of comments. IRI: And who would that be? Tom: Anyone at Foxx Tv and practically any other network, but I ask you he's German, right, I mean this Pope-he's German, what did you expect? But for now I must close this interview and ask that you keep my name out of the media for appearance sake. IRI: Yes, he's German and perhaps you are right. We honour all of our interviews by withholding names upon request, I thank you for your time and letting us come into the CDC but I must ask, why such a hurry? Tom: Well that really," intelligent doctor" is due to drop in and I have to go over a few more codes with him and his comrades, you remember, the dude as I call him in private, named Amaso Neb Nebal, have a great day. IRI: Thank you, and you also.