IRAN: SQUIRRELS SPYING ON OUR COUNTRY

SQUIRRELS ACCUSED OF SPYING ON IRAN TO BE INTERROGATED (US HAS APPEALED UNTO THE UNITED NATIONS TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE TREATED WITH GENEVA CONVENTION AND NOT STRIPPED AND POSED WITH) By Ali Arouzi, NBC News Producer You can tell that Iran is feeling a little beleaguered these days when there are reports that Tehran may be under attack from rodents! That is what the official Islamic Republic News Agency reported this week, that police had, ahem, "arrested" 14 squirrels on charges of espionage. The rodents were found near the Iranian border, allegedly equipped with eavesdropping devices, according to IRNA. When asked to confirm the story, Esmaeel Ahmadi Moghadam, the national police chief, said, "I have heard about it, but I do not have precise information." He declined to give any more details. IRNA said that the squirrels were discovered by intelligence services – but were captured by police officers several weeks ago. 'Are you serious?'The reaction to the report on Tehran’s streets was varied – from disbelief to assigning guilt for the alleged infraction. "No, I had not heard about this, but it does not surprise me, foreign countries are always meddling in Iran," said Hassan Mohmmadi, a fast-food vendor.Mohammadi asked me if I knew where the squirrels were from, and I told him that I didn’t know. Then he came to his own conclusions. "I bet they were British squirrels, they are the most cunning," he replied. Meantime, an independent journalist, Sepher Sopli, was not surprised by the idea that another country would spy on Iran, so much as he was dumbfounded by their methods. "I read this story in the papers and though it was very bizarre; what struck me as odd was that in this age of modern technology, people were relying on squirrels to do their spying," Sopli said. But, the report was still strange enough to surprise. "That's very funny, but you’re not serious are you?" said Soraya Jafari, a student in Tehran. Maybe not a firstEspionage not entirely foreign to animals. If true, this would not be the first time animals have been used for military endeavors. During World War II, Allied forces used pigeons to fly vital intelligence out of occupied France. More recently, U.S. Marines stationed in Kuwait trained chickens for a low-tech chemical detection system. It’s also well documented that dolphins have been used to seek out underwater mines. Spying is something that is taken seriously in any country, especially in a place like Iran, where numerous squirrels are currently being held on charges of espionage. Still, the squirrels that breached the Iranian border carrying sensitive spying equipment must have been nuts. TELL US YOUR VIEWS WE WANT TO KNOW * "This is great atrocity and demeaning to the squirrel society at large and we demand their immediate release and all their belongings be returned unto them, including any and all nuts that were confiscated from them" ...Imma Frogge, The PATA Foundation of North America * "Squirrels have rights also and they should not be harmed or "angel-cuffed", I am on record as opposing any and all rubber hose techniques being in any way implemented or used in the interrogation of these members of society" .........US Congresswoman Hilarity Clinkus * "A fund has been arrainged for these poor defensless creatures and hopefully any prosthesis they may need as well as monthly sustance allowance upon their freedom." ....Walter Reed spokesman.......Bandm Uppl * "These "squirrels" as they are being called and not being addressed by their names, do not and did not carry nor hide any weapons of mass destruction and the allegations are not true that they were given night vision goggles or bullet proof vests, the burden of proof lays at the feet of President Ahmadenjad and his compatriates to prove his allegations and not the disappearance of many nuts as he has claimed." ......VP Dak Chinney * "I have alway maintained that the government is secretly using animals and insects to conduct both espionage and spying techniques across a broad spectrum of life and doing so without Constitutional authority and the Homeland Security Act, What do you think they use the V- Chip for? entertainment? don't be fooled." .....Ahllx Jhons * "In my day, at dar twelth gaugged shatgun, ant a swaller or two of thet ther shine, thet hold sqirl wult haf been dumlin fer de chiltren, youse kno wot I meant?"....Kentuck Woodsmen BobJoe Dunkiltit * "Squirrels have been found to emit 02 gases by their constant swinging from tree to tree and have caused the melting of ice trays set out of the refrigerators, and made bad milk go worse. We must explore what they are doing to the Polar Bunnies who cannot fly or swing from trees and then maybe we can understand why planes take off from the ground instead of in the air which is where they wind up being after take off, but I can't seem to get the media focused on the problems they are to busy chasing after Peris Hiding - uh, Hilden. Soon my new movie will be released, which I hope you will get all your neighbours to watch also and it will be titled, "Groundless Flight Airlines and Quick Trays:the melting of the cube.?".......Pal Bore