PEPSY-COKA DUPE PUBLIC WITH BOTTLE WATER, NOT SO-FOWL CRYS REP.

EXCLUSIVE REPORT FOUND ONLY BY THE IRI REPORTER TEAMS - EXPOSED - PEPSI/COCA-COLA TELL ALL IN A NEW REPORT - WILL SUE THE 54 STATES OF AMERICA FOR LOST REVENUE OF TAPWATER IRI FIELD REPORTER, Behn Haidd Pepsi's Aquafina and Coca-Cola Co's Dasani are both made from purified water sourced from public reservoirs, as opposed to Danone's Evian or Nestle's Poland Spring, so-called "spring waters," shipped from specific locations the companies say have notably clean water. Coca-Cola Co. told Reuters it will start posting online information about the quality control testing it performs on Dasani by the end of summer or early fall. "Concerns about the bottled-water industry, and increasing corporate control of water, are growing across the country," said Gigi Kellett, director of the "Think Outside the Bottle" campaign, which aims to encourage people to drink tap water. San Francisco's mayor banned city employees from using city funds to buy bottled water when tap water is available. Ann Arbor, Michigan passed a resolution banning commercially bottled water at city events and Salt Lake City, Utah asked department heads to eliminate bottled water. In 1976, the average American drank 1.6 gallons of bottled water a year, according to Beverage Marketing Corp. Last year, we each drank 28.3 gallons of bottled water--18 half-liter bottles a month. We drink more bottled water than milk, or coffee, or beer. Only carbonated soft drinks are more popular than bottled water, at 52.9 gallons annually.... We buy bottled water because we think it's healthy. Which it is, of course: Every 12-year-old who buys a bottle of water from a vending machine instead of a 16-ounce Coke is inarguably making a healthier choice. But bottled water isn't healthier, or safer, than tap water. Indeed, while the United States is the single biggest consumer in the world's $50 billion bottled-water market, it is the only one of the top four--the others are Brazil, China, and Mexico--that has universally reliable tap water. Tap water in this country, with rare exceptions, is impressively safe. It is monitored constantly, and the test results made public. Mineral water has a long association with medicinal benefits--and it can provide minerals that people need--but there are no scientific studies establishing that routinely consuming mineral water improves your health. The FDA, in fact, forbids mineral waters in the United States from making any health claims. And for this healthy convenience, we're paying what amounts to an unbelievable premium. You can buy a half- liter Evian for $1.35--17 ounces of water imported from France for pocket change. That water seems cheap, but only because we aren't paying attention. In San Francisco, the municipal water comes from inside Yosemite National Park. It's so good the EPA doesn't require San Francisco to filter it. If you bought and drank a bottle of Evian, you could refill that bottle once a day for 10 years, 5 months, and 21 days with San Francisco tap water before that water would cost $1.35. Put another way, if the water we use at home cost what even cheap bottled water costs, our monthly water bills would run $9,000. Taste, of course, is highly personal. New Yorkers excepted, Americans love to belittle the quality of their tap water. But in blind taste tests, with waters at equal temperatures, presented in identical glasses, ordinary people can rarely distinguish between tap water, springwater, and luxury waters. At the height of Perrier's popularity, Bruce Nevins was asked on a live network radio show one morning to pick Perrier from a lineup of seven carbonated waters served in paper cups. It took him five tries. The label on a bottle of Fiji Water says "from the islands of Fiji." Journey to the source of that water, and you realize just how extraordinary that promise is. From New York, for instance, it is an 18-hour plane ride west and south (via Los Angeles) almost to Australia, and then a four-hour drive along Fiji's two-lane King's Highway. Every bottle of Fiji Water goes on its own version of this trip, in reverse, although by truck and ship. In fact, since the plastic for the bottles is shipped to Fiji first, the bottles' journey is even longer. Half the wholesale cost of Fiji Water is transportation--which is to say, it costs as much to ship Fiji Water across the oceans and truck it to warehouses in the United States than it does to extract the water and bottle it. That is not the only environmental cost embedded in each bottle of Fiji Water. The Fiji Water plant is a state-of-the-art facility that runs 24 hours a day. That means it requires an uninterrupted supply of electricity--something the local utility structure cannot support. So the factory supplies its own electricity, with three big generators running on diesel fuel. The water may come from "one of the last pristine ecosystems on earth," as some of the labels say, but out back of the bottling plant is a less pristine ecosystem veiled with a diesel haze. Each water bottler has its own version of this oxymoron: that something as pure and clean as water leaves a contrail. courtesy: Alexwhalen.com IRI-Reporter Benn Haid: Thank you for this exclusive interview, could you state for the record what your position is with the Coki-Pepsy companies? Rep. Wana Slurrp: I am employed by both companies to intermidate between the press and my representatives, a sort of liasion. IRI: For this interview may we call you Wana? Also we notice your lawsuit is against the 54 states, but isn't it true that currently there are only 52? Wanta: I do not want my name disclosed so instead of Wana you may call me Wanta. And yes, it is true, there are only 52 states currently, but if the weapons issue gets settled we do anticipate the emergence of Mexico and Canada to join the statehood of America and we must name them as we pursue the lawsuit against all peoples of the United States or we will lose them and billions of dollars. IRI: Do you expect a government bailout much like that of the Crysler Corporation? Do you have any plans to amend or correct the problem at hand of purification of your bottled waters? Wanta: Yes, we hope for the bailout as we do furnish the halls of Congress,Senate, and the White House with our great products, however we will have to pursue the lawsuit as a means to an end. No, We will not make our bottling plants into a purification plant that would take a few thousand dollars and disrupt the amount of bonuses issued in rank ( I noted she did not say rank and file ), instead we plan to market the drinks now as having gone through a purfication system and that our waters are cold. IRI: Would that not be a fabrication, er, a lie to state that your product has gone through a purification system? Will you be changing the familiar logos of the products and colors? Wanta: No, it is not a lie, as the city in which we bottle the water does have a purification system for tapwater which is what we now use and will continue to use - we have of course adopted a new logo - YOU DRINK- WE MAKE MORE - a very catchy phrase don't you think? Yes, We will change the color to a type of lime yellow slight tan color to emphasize our service to the people, after all, it's the little people and the little drinkers that make up our customers, of which we are sincerely thankful they like good water. IRI: If you are so thankful do you not think you owe the "little people" more of a "pure" state of water as perhaps with charcoal or maybe one of the "pur" attachments to the tap of the faucets where your employees "man" the water fill tanks? Wanta: We do not have "employees" just this one elderly, slightly crippled Mexican worker who cannot understand english or how much we pay him, we are able to save money this way and pass it on to the consumer which has been affected by the huge increase of oil in this country, now there is your story. The "pur" system you speak of cost about $29.95, and we have appealed to the makers of the system to see if our companies can secure a much more reasonable price this is ridiculously high. IRI: You only use one faucet and you think this is too high? Do you not think that you are violating the law by hiring illegal workers? Wanta: One "pur" at $29.95 makes a difference on Wall Street and we must be about the business of saving and making money, and No this gentleman is not illegal as we have given him both a name and his very own number which makes him feel right at home in America. IRI: I want to thank you for this exclusive interview and would you mind giving us a ballpark figure of how much you are being paid? Wanta: Your welcome and again do not use my name, and we here at the company do not have any secrets or anything to hide-this is our new slogan- and I am making 1.75 million dollars per 6 months with a contract running for three years. How do you like that for a slogan? IRI: I think Americans will love the slogan and contiue to buy your product, again I thank you. Wanta: You kidding, they do not have a choice we own all the space for bottled water in all the machines in every business, government or no, of course they'll like the slogan and drink the water-this isn't Mexico yet-Hey,don't drink the water-ha,ha. Do come back and have a great day.