B.A.M.M. Motivation R US

Live, from Better America Musings Makers (or our talkshow call letters BAMM) it is the great Motavtional Speaker, 'William 'Will' Rhunmauth' the English Literaray Writer who just happens to be an American Indian, being interviewed by our host, Yeasim Nhocizey, on his upcoming American speaker tour at the Ed Dhuillm Civic Center this Saturday and Sunday night, Friday the 24th of July, let's join them shall we, on to the interview:

Yeas: Mr. Rhunemauth, Welcome to our 'stage".

Rhunemauth: Please call me, Will, thank you.

Yeas: And call me Yeas, please, first let me ask you how did you ever get the nickname, Will?

Will: I was named after a very famous literary English writer who happened to be, oddly enough, an American Indian named, 'Big Lightstalker Talkin'toe, perhaps you have heard of him or his very, very famous book, 'An American Indian Literary Writer Living In England'?

Yeas: Can't say that I have, Will, but then again I don't read much of the English literaries, especially the more famous lot and all, after all it is across that big ol' ocean.

Will: Hmm. Uummph (clearing his throat)

Yeas: So, you are a motivational speaker?

Will: Yes.

Yeas: Tell me and the audience where exatly will you be speaking?

Will: I will be speaking in front of the microphone device on a stage, thank you for asking.

Yeas: Your welcome., Well folks, that will be this Saturday and Sunday at the Ed Dhuill Civic Center located in Cleveland, Ohio, starting at 7:00 pm each night. Will tell me, Where do all the people come from to hear and partake of your great motivational speaking?

Will: They come from neighboring states, and all foreign countries worldwide.

Yeas: Wow! and I do mean, Wow, that is great, Will, I know you ask people to fill out cards with their names, emails, city and state, and/or country they originate from, great idea, so I am going to put you on the spot, I hope you were prepared for this one, in the last 5 epaking engagements you have given, what was the most furtherest point, map wise, or locality, of that individual?

Will: Woe, that is on the spot, and the cards are exactly how we attain the portion of audience 'partaking' in my motivational speaking, we also furnish the 3X5 cards and pencils, of course.

Yeas: Of course, and that one standout person from the farthererest point was?

Will: Sorry, I almost forgot, but you must remember we offer bus service also, and if I am not mistaken, and I will have to double check my 3' by 5's, but it was a scraggly type lad, scantly dressed in apparel, about one street over or what you, Yanks, or Americans, call 3-4 blocks away.

Yeas: Will, I know you put forth a lot in these motivational gatherings, do you find that most people who attend, really 'latch on' to what you are trying to convey to them, in other words, do you see the enthusiasm in them?

Will: Yes, I do, Yeas, at the end of the afternoon when my speech has settled, in that very moment I state, "Thank you for coming folks, I do so appreciate your giving up your Saturday..," and before I can get the words "...and Sunday" most of them have zipped out the doors, loaded with so much information they cannot contain it for the question and answer portion of the program.

Yeas: Wow! and Wow, Will, I bet that is a sight to behold all these people energized to go out and make the day theirs.

Will: Yes, it is most quaintly and quietly thrilling.

Yeas: There, there is the Englishter coming out, as one of my great heroes used to call it, now, Mr. Rhuinmauth, tell me, where exactly did you get that nickname?

Will: That 'is' my real name, sorry, it was given me by me paddy, and non, you can have it, lol.

Yeas: There it is folks, this concludes our interview, so be seeing you on Saturday and Sunday night, have a pleasant tonight and a good tomorrow.

Good Night, Will.

Good Night, Yeas.

BRIGADE OF THE MOO - COW CALVARY

TIME OF THE COWS

BRIGADE OF THE MOO

It was the Time Of The Cows, so it would be called in Germany. The Germans were short on the amount of horses that they had, to address for the wars, so the Germans began training the Cow or the Cattle for the battle. Armed with the German Saddle and Bridle, they became the choice of the people over that of the horse as the mount was far easier and quicker, and during times of lack of water and nourishment they provided milk for the troops. The Germans were not ashamed of their newfound compadres and reached a name which they unabashedly called the Company of Moo, so called for the strange sounds emitted from the Cows. In early days, they were called the Cattle Calvary, the Big Brown Cow Brigade, and Troops of Cow. While the enemy rolled with laughter at the German military, they could not so much as envision the slaughter that would greet them. Unlike the horse who would not step upon a human body on the ground, first brought to public attention in the John Wayne Movie, 'El Dorado' to which the actor called, 'Alan Bourdillion Traherne' or 'Mississippi' (as he liked to be called) threw himself in front of running horses not to be trampled, but to cause the ability of shooting straight to be unaccomplished. Many of the enemy soldiers cast themselves in front of the Germany Moos hoping to alter the ability of the shooter and the swordsmen/women, only to be trampled to death. The nations armies quickly setup conferences to alert the soldiers of the phenomenon called 'Stampede of the Moos' later it would simply be called, "Lookout Stampede" and then just the word of alert, "Stampede". When the enemy heard the word 'stampede' they began to run to find cover of small deep gulches, but many would find the gulch to be a burying ground as the Moos would fall upon them, weighing in at hundreds of pounds the human body stood not a chance for protection. Later, the armies of the world, in conducting tests, found the Moos would not run into a wall, at least not on purpose, nor would they be able to run up a ramp, so the armies began to carry great precut ramps which would quickly be fastened together, and set on various locations on the countryside fields, these very quickly were called the Field of Ramps. The enemy had gained much knowledge also in pre-fabricated buildings, and just before the trump of the battle was sounded they would scurry about, looking like that ants brought to the harvest, and pre-fab buildings similar to that of a double outhouse appeared dotted sparsely upon the battlefield. The enemy also found that if they dug a hole quick enough and set the pre-fab buildings upon them, it would provide much needed privacy for the troops.

The German Army became incensed with both rage and jealousy, admiring the ingenuity of the enemy, and the new silent domains of privacy dotting the landscape, and tried with much failure to equip the Troops of Moo with the pulling of logs and pre-fabs, which eventually caused the collapse of one of history's most exciting and healthy bone structured Army in the world. With the pulling of the logs/pre-fabs the soldiers noticed the milk, butter, and cheese began to taste wurst, as the Cattle was finding nourishment among the Poppy plants, making not only the milk, cheese, butter taste with a wild bitter 'tang' (not the orange flavored drink) and not only did this cause the cattle to become disoriented, but also the troops themselves would seek more food and complain of hunger. What had begun as one of the most brilliant moves in the German Army history had become a military of Poppy-plant dependant troops and Moos. Today, the German Army still trains the Moos for future battle, but only as an extreme emergency action need, and the military keep the Moos scattered on protected hillsides throughout the German landscape separated from the deadly Poppy. The enemies of the Germans have since armed themselves with Poppy seeds to be planted in a just in case mode of operation. It is a shame to see the many decades of one of the strongest military force on the face of the earth, now grazing on the hillsides of the Germanic peoples, but one thing is still in their favor, the milk, cheese, and butter have a more excellent taste than they have enjoyed for centuries, meanwhile the Moos stand every on alert, matched by none, truly outstanding in their fields. We dedicate this memory and this story to a Ms Anne Wiltafsky, trainer, and that of the riders and staff of hundreds represented by Ms Regina Mayer, a truly innovative teenager of German descent, Kudos, Regina!

KID - 'Paletologists' Discover 11,500-Year-Old Mastadan

4th-Grade 'Paletologists' Discover 11,500-Year-Old Mastadan Hair-Class 'Nickname' The Hair, 'Danni'

"I recognized it easier, I seen one of them at a zoo near my town 'bout 10 years go, but he was big than that one, and had more wooly" Said 11 year old Mehigan

DeadScienceBroughtToLife staff writer, Erben Manhare

http://www.DeadScienceBroughtToLife.com Tue May 24, 2011 25:15 hours pm ET

Earlier this year, Linda Azaroff's fourth-grade class received a 2.2-pound (1-kilogram) box containing what one student described as a "clump of dirt." "A man in another state sent it to my class, so's it can make bigger news" stated a quite exassertbated Billy Minikier
But this wasn't just any dirt it was sediment, or matrix, collected from a backyard in Hyde Park, N.Y., in 2000, where a project to deepen a backyard pond uncovered the remains of a mastodon an extinct elephantlike animal. "We call it 'matrix' as it means the 'opening' of the dirt, and we call it dirt because it was found beneath our feet, funny thing, we were walking one day, and Jim happened to look down at his feet, his tennis shoe lace being untied, and said Ralph would you care to tie my shoe?" "Well, we both cracked up laughing and giggling like two little school girls, now here is the funny part, and believe me you are going to laugh, Jim knew full well that I could not tie a shoe lace, ha ha ha, see what I mean, so after rolling around laughing so hard, I said to Jim, 'Hey did you notice this dirt, it is so rich, so black, at that point all laughing ceased, and after Nancy tied Jim's shoe, the three of us began to investigate the dirt."
Working under a deadline, but not wanting to miss any important pieces, excavators carted away about 22,000 pounds (10,000 kg) of matrix from around the bones, more than they could realistically sort through in the years to come. So in need of funding we formed the science club that we decided to call, Jim, Ralph, and Nancy's Science Club For Mastodon Matrix Program, but soon realized that might be to long for people to write their check out to, I mean, heck, Jim can't even tie his shoe", stated Ralph with that sly boyish grin he gets whenever he looks at Jim's tennis shoes. "Neither, can you Ralph", stated Jim, "You got me one there Jim" Ralph said. Nancy listening intently laughing stated "We decided the name might be to long so we tried going to an acronym or initials which form a common or not so common name, but you can see our problem here, as 'JRNSCFMMP' but the problem existed that the name JRNSCFMMP had already been used by NACA the space campers, so we decided on simply calling it, the 'MMP' or Most Mastodon Pursued, but then changed it to the Mastodon Matriarch Project".
The excavators turned to citizen scientists volunteering for the Mastodon Matrix Project, which enlists school classes, hobbyists, families and other volunteers scour the matrix from mastodon excavations. Since 2008 alone, more than 3,500 participants from around the U.S. have worked on matrix from Hyde Park. Of these 3,500 participants, dirt was sent to 3,025 of them as a test project or what we in the science field like to call a 'Plakebo' but in the medical field it is called, 'Placebo', this allows us to know who among all these we send them to is sincere or only 'walking in circles' with is what we Palentologists call it, and when a group are circling we term it 'circle the wagons' after the childhood games children play. Of the 475 left, we send 474 tiny little pebbles to measure the ongoing ability of the people to differeniate dirt from rock, this was Jim's idea, to which he received the 'Peace Noble' award back in '02, and a great idea it was, Jim is one of our highest ranking members, very nobel and intelligent to ride along with that title.
"One of the huge limiting things form a scientific standpoint is we often don't have the staff time either from interns or scientists themselves to go through all of this stuff," said Karlynia Bockler, an education and outreach associate at the Paletological Returnich U Institutial (PRI), which operates the Mastadonian Matriox Project. "The more data we can get, the more complete a picture we will come up with about the environment." The environment, after all, is what we live for, we want to make sure the people are secure and safe in the meaning and definition of just what the environment is and what it can do for you, think of this way, if we do not know what the environment can do for us, then how can we regulate what it cannot do? Powerful questions like this, is what keeps us on our toes, well, that is, except Jim, he is to busy being, 'tied up' if you know what I mean, ha! ha! ha! har!.
This approach isn't unique; students and other citizin scientysts can contribute their time and effort to a variety of projects, from raking road kill to counting stars. In return, volunteers get hands-on experience with science and the chance to contribute to real research projects. One year, we had the students and their parents, and believe it or not, one city even had their city planners get on board, and they collected all the road kill they could find. Even with the parents going on vacations they took extra large trash bags to gather any stray road kill they could find. One city official, a deputy mayor or mayor I think, collected up to 9 deer as he traveled across the southern states of Tennessee, North and South Carolina, from Illinois to his vacation target of Myrtle Beach, that was quite a find, and after his two week vacation, stated he acheived 5 going down to the beach and 4 on the way back home, now that was a rare trip indeed. This is what we call, 'raking road kill' sometimes you have to rake it off the streets. Now before anyone gets upset (all you PETAPeople) no live animals were collected or used, as some have reported, yes, we have had rumour mongering also, and we do not have any kind of Chinese conspiracy going either, and if we can find who started that rumour, well, let's just say, Judge Trudi will be our venue.
Fourth-grade paletologists
Now the fourth-graders at Yandisvulle Intomediate Centre in Pennsilvanya had a chance to become paletologists, and they had plenty of expectations about what they would find in the matrix. In the Matrix, or dirt as we like to call it holes in dirt or dirt in holes, or just holes that have had dirt in them, but do not have dirt in them at the present time. "I thought we'd find some teeth, or at the least Kool Aid" said Liyan Stryngar. "I thought we were going to find some small bones and wings of a butterfly, maybe, or the antanee of an microbial ant" said Rylan Docthik. "Plants or leaves and sticks," said Lissama Groobe. Maybe next time Rylan and Lissama. The dirt matrix or the hole minus the dirt arrived with a set of instructions that guided the class through the same basic process such as sniffing and sifting through samples of holes with their fingers and toothpicks, the same way professional paletologists would use as they searched for other bits of tootpicks used by the 11,500-year-old mastadon along with shells, twigs, seeds and other fossils. The finds were weighed, bagged and returned to PRuI in New York. What's the fourth letter? It is 'u' we cannot 'u' this without you, ha, ha, ha, har. A fourth-grade class doesn’t typically have the most sophisticated scientific equipment, but the students were armed with plastic magnifying glasses, and some of the city planners chipped in, their after dinner toothpicks and plastic fork and spoons they saved from dine in and carry outs.
"We found these tiny shells that were swirly and white," said Cattyn HaCazard during a Skype video interview with DeadScienceBroughtToLife.com. "Some of them would break easily." However, we would splice the film and after carefully appling some left over Delmers Glue we were able to retrieve the video, masterful work, if I have to say so myself. "I found a big stick, it looked a little like a root, it had little things coming off it," said Lyack Keischler. (We sort of snickered, poor Lyack did not know he had gotten the plakebo, or placebo, as some like to refer to it, poor Lyack)
A memorable fund
The students all agreed on their favorite fund: an 8-inch long hair that turned up in Pater Do Le Lorrie's matrix or hole of not dirt. He described it as black and really stiff. "It could not have been a human hair," he said. Pater himself, had black hair about 13-18 inches in length. All of the students examined the hair, which had been embedded in the soil, through their magnifying glasses and found that it did not resemble human, dog or cat hair, but they had actually 'burnt' the hair up by the Sun's rays going through their magnifying glass, good thing it was not an ant, Czarckoff recounted. The conclusion was unavoidable: It came from the mastadon. "The children felt they had touched and handled something that was thousands of years old," she wrote in an email. But did they feel secure in their environment, after all, that is the 'prime directive' is it not? Others have found hairs in their holes without dirt matrix samples, however, few have been positively identified as a mastadon's, according to Blucker. It's possible the hairs could have come from a number of mammals living at the time, she wrote in an email. Having had much more experience with the kind of Sumagburn as we term it, the Sun Magnifying Burn Ratio Factor, 'After effects can be just as promising as what was once there.' "True enough", declared Ralph.
The results
Once PRuI receives sorted samples, and much more funding (write your local congressman at http://www.we-notyou-aregov.gov and ask him to send us more monies, lots and lots) researchers further identify what they have found, (or in this case the abscence of not found but burnt) naming twigs or shells by species, for example. Everything is catalogued and some items join a reference collection from the excavation. Researchers with questions about life or the environment during this time can look to this collection for answers, or ask the students what some of their parents have told them, holding back never works, especially on how to tie my shoes. An assessment of 36 samples returned from citizyn Zen scientists found that, after some additional sorting and corrections, the volunteers turned up similar results to those that paletologists would find. The researchers found the abundance of finds in broad categories such as total mollusks varied in it's clothing, some in blue jeans,(can you believe that?) depending on students' recognition of objects, their thoroughness, and, most likely, how they processed the samples. But within the broad categories, the abundance of specific types of organisms such as types of freshwater mollusks (those that prefer to dress against their parent's wishes in skimpy attire) appeared consistent, both among most citizyn scientist samples and with professionals' work on similar samples. (Jim is currently running a test on 'Why do the spellers not spell 'citizen' after it's namesake 'city' as in cityzens', and if we know Jim, he won't give up until he gives in, or gives out, he is a tireless sort.)
We Agree
Part of the goal of the Mastodan Matriox project is to give students and the public an opportunity to scour (or scourge) the dirt and attempt to answer open-ended questions about its content, just like scientists. For Ms. Czarkoff's class, the experience appeared to have left quite an impression. Half a year after returning their sample, the students remembered their work vividly. (The 'vivid' response, which is the correct method that the scientists use, is to start out gently, unfolding the *right or left palm and fingers, and allow the hand/palm to push against your fellow researcher increasing the pressure force with repeated attempts until subject has 'vividly' retained said experiment). "The hardest part was probably actually seeing the stuff," because it's so tiny, said Ben Henry. "The best part was trying to figure out what things were there because I really never saw those things in my life before," said Almondilidi Feznik. "I liked it when I got dirty," said Kalye Grean Tumlong. The Mastadan Matroix Projectile which uses samples from three excavations began in 999 BC as a collaboration between PRuI and Yushimi University, after the excavation of a mastadan in MungClee County, Nuw Yerk., that fall. "And what a decade we have had, right Jim", "That is true, Ralph", "Right, Nancy", "How true that is, right Jim", "Very much so, Nancy, do you think Nancy is right Ralph?", "Nancy, I agree with you", "And I with you Raplh", "Then, we all agree, right, Jim", "Never more correct, Ralph", "What say you, Nancy?", "Oh, I agree with both Jim and Ralph, you Jim", "Yes, I agree also".
*depending on whether one is right or left handed

Time Of The Cows-Brigade Of The Moo

It was the Time Of The Cows, so it would be called in Germany. The Germans were short on the amount of horses that they had, to address for the wars, so the Germans began training the Cow or the Cattle for the battle. Armed with the German Saddle and Bridle, they became the choice of the people over that of the horse as the mount was far easier and quicker, and during times of lack of water and nourishment they provided milk for the troops. The Germans were not ashamed of their newfound compadres and reached a name which they unabashedly called the Company of Moo, so called for the strange sounds emitted from the Cows. In early days, they were called the Cattle Calvary, the Big Brown Cow Brigade, and Troops of Cow. While the enemy rolled with laughter at the German military, they could not so much as envision the slaughter that would greet them. Unlike the horse who would not step upon a human body on the ground, first brought to public attention in the John Wayne Movie, 'El Dorado' to which the actor called, 'Alan Bourdillion Traherne' or 'Mississippi' (as he liked to be called) threw himself in front of running horses not to be trampled, but to cause the ability of shooting straight to be unaccomplished. Many of the enemy soldiers cast themselves in front of the Germany Moos hoping to alter the ability of the shooter and the swordsmen/women, only to be trampled to death. The nations armies quickly setup conferences to alert the soldiers of the phenomenon called 'Stampede of the Moos' later it would simply be called, "Lookout Stampede" and then just the word of alert, "Stampede". When the enemy heard the word 'stampede' they began to run to find cover of small deep gulches, but many would find the gulch to be a burying ground as the Moos would fall upon them, weighing in at hundreds of pounds the human body stood not a chance for protection. Later, the armies of the world, in conducting tests, found the Moos would not run into a wall, at least not on purpose, nor would they be able to run up a ramp, so the armies began to carry great precut ramps which would quickly be fastened together, and set on various locations on the countryside fields, these very quickly were called the Field of Ramps. The enemy had gained much knowledge also in pre-fabricated buildings, and just before the trump of the battle was sounded they would scurry about, looking like that ants brought to the harvest, and pre-fab buildings similar to that of a double outhouse appeared dotted sparsely upon the battlefield. The enemy also found that if they dug a hole quick enough and set the pre-fab buildings upon them, it would provide much needed privacy for the troops.

The German Army became incensed with both rage and jealousy, admiring the ingenuity of the enemy, and the new silent domains of privacy dotting the landscape, and tried with much failure to equip the Troops of Moo with the pulling of logs and pre-fabs, which eventually caused the collapse of one of history's most exciting and healthy bone structured Army in the world. With the pulling of the logs/pre-fabs the soldiers noticed the milk, butter, and cheese began to taste wurst, as the Cattle was finding nourishment among the Poppy plants, making not only the milk, cheese, butter taste with a wild bitter 'tang' (not the orange flavored drink) and not only did this cause the cattle to become disoriented, but also the troops themselves would seek more food and complain of hunger. What had begun as one of the most brilliant moves in the German Army history had become a military of Poppy-plant dependant troops and Moos. Today, the German Army still trains the Moos for future battle, but only as an extreme emergency action need, and the military keep the Moos scattered on protected hillsides throughout the German landscape separated from the deadly Poppy. The enemies of the Germans have since armed themselves with Poppy seeds to be planted in a just in case mode of operation. It is a shame to see the many decades of one of the strongest military force on the face of the earth, now grazing on the hillsides of the Germanic peoples, but one thing is still in their favor, the milk, cheese, and butter have a more excellent taste than they have enjoyed for centuries, meanwhile the Moos stand every on alert, matched by none, truly outstanding in their fields. We dedicate this memory and this story to a Ms Anne Wiltafsky, trainer, and that of the riders and staff of hundreds represented by Ms Regina Mayer, a truly innovative teenager of German descent, Kudos, Regina!

TIME OF THE COWS BRIGADE OF THE MOO It was the Time Of The Cows, so it would be called in Germany. The Germans were short on the amount of horses that they had, to address for the wars, so the Germans began training the Cow or the Cattle for the battle. Armed with the German Saddle and Bridle, they became the choice of the people over that of the horse as the mount was far easier and quicker, and during times of lack of water and nourishment they provided milk for the troops. The Germans were not ashamed of their newfound compadres and reached a name which they unabashedly called the Company of Moo, so called for the strange sounds emitted from the Cows. In early days, they were called the Cattle Calvary, the Big Brown Cow Brigade, and Troops of Cow. While the enemy rolled with laughter at the German military, they could not so much as envision the slaughter that would greet them. Unlike the horse who would not step upon a human body on the ground, first brought to public attention in the John Wayne Movie, 'El Dorado' to which the actor called, 'Alan Bourdillion Traherne' or 'Mississippi' (as he liked to be called) threw himself in front of running horses not to be trampled, but to cause the ability of shooting straight to be unaccomplished. Many of the enemy soldiers cast themselves in front of the Germany Moos hoping to alter the ability of the shooter and the swordsmen/women, only to be trampled to death. The nations armies quickly setup conferences to alert the soldiers of the phenomenon called 'Stampede of the Moos' later it would simply be called, "Lookout Stampede" and then just the word of alert, "Stampede". When the enemy heard the word 'stampede' they began to run to find cover of small deep gulches, but many would find the gulch to be a burying ground as the Moos would fall upon them, weighing in at hundreds of pounds the human body stood not a chance for protection. Later, the armies of the world, in conducting tests, found the Moos would not run into a wall, at least not on purpose, nor would they be able to run up a ramp, so the armies began to carry great precut ramps which would quickly be fastened together, and set on various locations on the countryside fields, these very quickly were called the Field of Ramps. The enemy had gained much knowledge also in pre-fabricated buildings, and just before the trump of the battle was sounded they would scurry about, looking like that ants brought to the harvest, and pre-fab buildings similar to that of a double outhouse appeared dotted sparsely upon the battlefield. The enemy also found that if they dug a hole quick enough and set the pre-fab buildings upon them, it would provide much needed privacy for the troops. Horse dreams dashed, German teen turns to cow Luna April 5, 2011 LAUFEN, Germany When Regina Mayer's parents dashed her hopes of getting a horse, the resourceful 15-year-old didn't sit in her room and sulk. Instead, she turned to a cow called Luna to make her riding dreams come true. Hours of training, and tons of treats, cajoling and caresses later, the results are impressive: not only do the two regularly go on long rides through the southern German countryside, they do jumps over a makeshift hurdle of beer crates and painted logs. "She thinks she's a horse," the golden-haired Mayer joked on a recent sunny afternoon as she sat atop the impassive brown-and-white, grass-munching cow. It all started about two years ago, shortly after Luna was born on the Mayers' sprawling farm in the hamlet of Laufen, just minutes from the Austrian border. They started off with walks in the woods during which Luna wore a halter. Then Mayer slowly got her cow more accustomed to human contact and riding equipment. About six months later, it was time to see how Luna would respond to a rider on her back. Mayer sat in the saddle, and all went as planned at least at first. "She was really well behaved and walked normally," said Mayer, decked out in riding gear. "But after a couple of meters, she wanted me to get off! You could see that she got a bit peeved." Luna and Mayer are now soul mates, spending most afternoons together once the teen who aspires to become a nurse one day comes home from school. Their extensive routine involves grooming, petting, jumps and a roughly one-hour ride. That's also the case in winter, when Mayer lovingly drapes a blanket over Luna to keep her warm. It's a lot of work "but I enjoy it," Mayer said. Her efforts have paid off. Now, Luna understands commands such as "go," `'stand" and "gallop." If she feels like it, that is. "When she wants to do something she does it, when she doesn't, she doesn't," said Mayer, who proudly says Luna thinks of her as her mother. "And she's often very headstrong but can also be really adorable." Luna's stubborn streak meant that teaching her pony tricks wasn't always easy, Mayer noted, saying she sought tips from a cow expert in Switzerland on how to deal with "steering" problems. Anne Wiltafsky, who trains cows near the Swiss city of Zurich, said Luna's talents are not particularly surprising and that, historically, it was quite common to ride cows and use them as workhorses. "Especially younger ones can jump really well," Wiltafsky said in a telephone interview, adding that cows are lovable companions because they're easygoing, have strong nerves and are "unbelievably devoted" to people they like. Being and owning a cow-turned-pony isn't always easy. Take the somewhat skeptical neighbors, such as Martin Putzhammer, who had to be won over. "At first I thought it was kind of weird a kid on a cow?" the 17-year-old said during a break from repairing his moped. "Had to get used to it but once I did I thought it was pretty funny." While Mayer's friends quickly warmed to her passion after laughing at her, Luna's fellow cows weren't so open-minded. "Cows don't really like her ... they're jealous because she always gets goodies," Mayer said. And horses? Many run away in fright, but others often join Luna on rides. "She really enjoys that and gets totally into it," Mayer said. Mayer hasn't given up her hopes of having a horse and may soon get one. But she says Luna will always have a special place in her heart. "She'll stay my darling," she said.

It Could Have Been Any Friday-But It Wasn't

The following report can be viewed and seen by the public at the Department of Incidents recorded by TMC, it is for all accounts and purposes, Tuesday, get the votes out, vote for the Mouse at: http://www.themousecried.blogspot.com while you are there lay a tear on the mantle. This is an Official site don't play with the mouse.

From the files: Squad of Police - Friday

Friday it could have been any friday but it wasn't.

Friday 10:22 AM

It was a sunny day, but this was not Philadelphia, rain was not in the forecast.

Friday 10:22:43 Call came in on the scanner, seems there was a drive-by in the neighborhood of Jackson and Not Jackson, four teenagers leaving a womp of confused and disorganized citizens in array, block #'s indeterminate, street names appropriate, I'm Friday this is my beat.

Thursday 10:51 AM After finishing our snack, Friday and I determined to investigate the drive-by, but this time I had hoped it would not be like the other time, I'm Thursday, my partner is Friday, we drive in shared positions, a black and white, today it was Friday so he mounted the wheel and off we drove to Jackson and Not Jackson, named appropriately.

Friday 12:46 in the PM, Thursday and I, I am Friday, decided to give those ill-behaved teens another opportunity for their "little game" which the citizens of this fair county found most interruptive, so after a round of door to door, we would give them another chance for their "fun and games".

True to our thoughts it was Friday 2:33 in the PM, Thursday thought he heard blaring horns coming in this direction, I stated, "We shall see, and then we shall know".

Friday 12:52 PM after a false alarm at a local residence unaffiliated with our beat and located in a different neighborhood, we gave it no thought.

Friday 2:47 PM out of somewhere came the red maroon 1967 Mustang, 2 door ragtop with an unmounted license plate on the left side upper corner, and a body that looked like it had not been washed in a couple of hours, immediately, Thursday and I boarded our black and white, I was behind the wheel, it was Friday, my day to drive, Thursday "flipped" on the blues.

Friday 2:56 PM after a short chase of a block, the red mustang pulled to the curb, only this time it was not to funny, and the four teens were not too jolly, two boys and two girls, it figures, Thursday ordered them to vacate the premises.

Friday 3:08 PM interrogation begins, the driver, a black haired lazy looking punk without cutoff jeans, exited the vehicle in question and it's occupants, I begin to ask.

"Son, did you know that you were in the limit speed allowed in this neighborhood, but that has nothing to do with our pulling over you?" exclaimed Friday.

"Uh, I guess so" stated the now wind blown black haired punk.

"You guess so, what?" stated Friday.

"uh mm, I guess what you were stating was true" a frustrated driver claimed.

"Are you calling me a liar? punk" inquired Friday.

"No way dude, I just meant, I guess what you say is true, I mean, I know, what you state is true." the driver said making careful note of his words.

"We have a complaint from the neighbors that live here in this neighborhood of Jackson and Not Jackson, of four teenaged kids driving a red maroon mustang with the left side of their license plate being not tightened, doing a by-drive, now that would not happen to have been, let's see, 1,2,3, and 4 of you teenagers would it now?" demanded Friday.

The girl in the rear, a blonde rather well built, carrying a mini-purse, the kind you get at one of them outlet shoppes, with a pink flap, and sporting what looked to be a light pink pastel tennis shoes without a Nike emblem, probably a rip-off stated,

"Duh, do you mean, "drive-by" officer?"

Friday 3:51 PM with a slap of his wrist, Friday had his 500w Tazer with the black and white pearl handles in his hand, and the frisky little blonde flapping on the street like a chicken with it's head cut off, "I said, by-drive, missy and that is precisely what I meant" shouted Jack, a first name given his by his parents, a Mr. and Mrs. Friday, Friday turned to the other three occupants, as he was often noted as doing, and before the question could be asked, the other three exclaimed as though in unison, "It was definitely a by-drive, yep that's what it was all right, a definite by-drive"

Friday 3:56 in the PM, after we inquired as to why they were doing a by-drive, they had stated, in different interrogation rooms, one in the black and white another in the red maroon, and then a third in the black and white, as the girl still flapping was out of the upline, stated that they were looking for a friend holding a bag for them.

Friday 4:27 PM after determining that their friend was not on the same block of Jackson and Not Jackson, but on the roads of Jesse and Not Jesse a good five streets from their by-drive, we decided to overlook the unwashed incident, but added with a warning about the untempered license plate. We followed them to Rays PlateFixer located on the streets of Jeremiah and Not Jeremiah, as we drove off, the three teens were holding up their friends hand as all four waved good-bye,

Thursday looked at Friday and stated, "You know, Jack, they were not too bad of kids after all". We both looked back in the rearview mirror, and laughed.

Aunt Flappi Answers Your Questions

Advice columns are not to be taken lightly so Aunt Flappi has agreed to give you a logical, workable advice for those mounting problems you have in your life, from dismounting your horse to other problems you may have. No problem to small and no small problem to large for Aunt Flappi, following are some of the examples of her expert advice, be first in your area to have those big problems or small inconveniences solved. Disclaimer: All names have been changed to protect the truly "innocent" any similarity to any one living or sleeping is clearly in the mind of the writer, any program has been eliminated only on paper, the actual program still exists in other designated forums of his/her own choosing. Any misspelling was placed in the following communication purposely for you or anyone else who may be portrayed by you or totally unbeknownst of yourself, to find and marvel at the stupidity of the said writer. This disclaimer is not to be disclaimed by anyone else unless they are in the manner of dissing another in which case it will be viewed as commendable, but only in a public forum, privately it is still your personal view and good luck to you and yours. Any misuse or use of quotation marks that are correct in an appropriate English language usage are purely incidental and unintentional on the writer's behalf, we ask your forgiveness and oversight, these may or may not be reported to any committee, other than the finance committee, as this has been addressed and covered at the bottom of the page in green type. I appreciate your indulgence, but not your indulgencies, and patience in reading of the below dialogue between two friends, thank you. http://disclaimersrus.com http://www.themousecried.blogspot.com/

Hello this is flappi how may I help you? Aunt flappi, my son's teacher called and stated he was not making good grades, mocking, laughing, interrupting, giving her a tack in the chair, not concentrating..., I get it dear so what is your question for Aunt Flappi? Aunt Flappi, I would like to know if it is ok to kill his teacher? No, dear, that would leave your son teacherless, and no one wants that, but what you can do is use sticky notes and the color does not matter but do not use words of maliciousness but use stuff like, "You don't know me" or "who do you think I am" and stick them on the front of her windshield late at night. Thanks Aunt Flappi, that's great. If she doesn't stop then, take some bird seed and table scraps and throw in her yard. Thanks again Aunt Flappi.

Hello, this is Aunt Flappi, how may I assist you? Aunt Flappi, we have a lot of stray cats and dogs and other animals and birds and things and I know they need to eat but I don't want them in my yard, you know, the mess and stuff, but I feel compelled to feed them as they look so hungry, O what o what can I do? Well dear, do you have any neighbors that do not have a fenced in yard? Why yes I do, Aunt Flappi. Then throw the food and seed in their yard and when they try to come into your yard for the mess thing shoot them in the rear with a BB gun, but not the birds, you will need to throw a salt shaker at them. Gee, who woulda thought, thanks Aunt Flappi

Hello Aunt Flappi? Speaking, How may I help you? Aunt Flappi, this is Lawrence and I need to know how to get out of the prom dance with my cousin, Jenni. How old are you, Lawrence? 19 and a half. What grade are you in Lawrence? I'm in the 10th, I am a sophomore. Lawrence pay very close attention to what I am going to tell you, ok? Yes, Aunt Flappi, I sure will. Look around the gym or wherever you are and look for a door with a small flame in a sign that has the letters F-I-R-E E-X-I-T and walk up next to it and yell at the top of your lungs, "There could be a Fire" and knock open the door and take off running. Aunt Flappi is that against the law? Yes Lawrence, but you are not to say there is a fire, that is illegal, but you are to say there could be a fire, see the difference? Yeah, thanks a ton Aunt Flappi. Your welcome, Lawrence.

Dear Aunt Flappi, I havt a degree frum a junior college which iz local here, but it only has a 2year plan and taech high schol I need at least or an equivlent 4year degrees, my twoyear is in eanglish, what can I do, I can'not drive to a bigger college as my cuar won't make id that fer. James MD need Dear James MD. Since the college that offers 4 years is to far away then go to the junior college and enroll for another two years and this will give you four years plus you will have two degrees and not just one. Aunt Flappi Dear aUnt Flappi, Tnanks for the wunderful advace, I have now enrolled and the atministrater sez I can go for a 6yert degree and have 3 degreez instedt of two, you aret great. James soon to be 3

Dear Aunt Flappi, I saw an ad on the Internet that stated, "American Airlines to charge $8 for blanket, pillow" so I mailed them $30 cash but have not heard anything back and that has been a month and a half ago, should I get a lawyer and sue them. Jane taken or took Dear Jane taken or took, I would not sue the airlines unless they send you a letter or the products without a warranty, but you need to sue the post office for delaying your return answer, they have had plenty of time to have gotten your letter there and the blankets back by now. Here is a contact link if you obtain a lawyer: http.suegov.com good luck with that snoring and sweet dreams. Aunt Flappi

Aunt Flappi, I am very much involved with "green" planet safety and the environment and recently I have read that no matter how careful you try to be with medications they can end up in our water supply and contaminate the fish, and the birds or other animals that may eat the fish. What is going on? Mr/Mrs Green Genes Dear Greenjeans, It goes something like this, you and the little lady take pills or liquid medications to the which your body will only need 72% the rest is what is called a "filler" which could be food additives, coloring, or wax comprising of 28% remainder, sometimes your body needs the remainder and will empty the actual medication using only a portion, the remainder not used by the body is carried out in waste byproducts. When you flush your toilet, like most good "green" citizens will do, it is carried to the treatment plant and recycled with a portion being "refused" which end up in a landfill process. This "refuse" trickles down through the dirt and merges into underwater streams which eventually make their way to the oceans. But what they are really concerned about is all of these young girls having their photo taken while outdoors showing them in the process, if you understand what I am saying and not only the girls, now the guys are starting to follow suit. However, there is a plus side to this as the HealthCare bill study states that within 2 or 3 years this cycle should make it's way back into the rain pattern (water table) which will eventually make it's way back to our tables and drinks eliminating the need for prescriptions as we will all have these various medications in our bodies daily, which should lead to a much healthier group of people, a real win-win for all. Aunt Flappi

Dear Aunt Flappi, I am thirteen years old and my boyfriend is fifteen, and I was talking to my girls and we share a common concern. I am extremely jealous and I do not like to leave my boyfriend alone while I go to the restroom as I am afraid he is putting his eyes where they do not belong. Veronica, a friend said that when she went to the restroom once and left her boyfriend and came back he was gone, and a little time later she saw him with this dumb blonde. What can I and my friends do, we are terrified. Terrified and sleepless in Seattle Dear terrified, There is a simple solution, no, not therapy for your boyfriend, and that is carry one of those big handkerchiefs with you everywhere you go, I think they are called do'rags or bandanas, and before you go into the restroom, tie the rag around his head covering his eyes and then lead him into the bathroom with you, and if you get embarrassed easily have him stand on the outside of the stall. A little history - this practice is where the term, "raghead" comes from. PS: Take a clothespin in case he smells.

Aunt Flappi,

I get a lot of flak about my name and its depressing. What do you suggest? I thought of a sex change then get married but the guy I thought of getting hitched to his last name is Pig. Please Help me!!

Ralph Leroy Fudrucker

Dear Ralph, This may sound a bit like "dear John" but bear with me for a moment, if you loved this pig you would not care what the last name of the pig would be, so I would suggest you tell him it is over and let him down hard so he will never try to marry another just because he chose the last name pig. Pigs are filthy animals but they do have character and character goes a long way, so ease your consience and send him on his way and hopefully for a long way, I can't imagine anyone marrying a pig especially since he did not spell it with two "g"s that is very inconsiderate for his future mate. Have you ever considered someone with the last name Horse? You will not develop a humpback and will not be mocked by the nickname "curvy". Aunt Flappi

Dear Aunt Flappi, I am pregnant with my eighth child, to be born any day now. I read in the Citizen Tribune the other day that every 8th child born in this world is Chinese. How will I ever explain this to my husband?

Eight months gone

Dear eight months gone, This is very serious as your husband is probably not Chinese (I assume), you will need to get a plastic surgeon who specializes in eyes, let him give you some intense sleeping pills for your husband and while your husband is asleep, have the surgeon come to your house or hire a total stranger to help lift him into your car and take him to the plastic surgeon and let him do surgery on his eyelids to look Chinese. Next, remove all the mirrors from your house and autos, and begin to do what is called "juicing" and use primarily carrots this will take care of his skin color. After all of this is done, hire a lawyer and file for a divorce and ask for child support for all those eight children, tell the lawyer that your husband became convinced he was Chinese and caused your child to be born Chinese, and that you originally, had married an American. Now you can live guilt free of that one extraneous affair you had because everyone knows that the eighth child is always born an Alien, good luck to you and yours, eight months gone, by the way, will you be naming the child "do-do", this is popular in China to teach the children to work? Aunt Flappi

Dear Aunt Flappi, I am a blonde, and people say I ain't got the sense God gave a goose. Is this an insult? A smart blonde BTW, thanks for the laughs today.

Little me

Dear "little me" You sound like a Golden Egger to me and there is certainly nothing dumb with leaving the gold everywhere you go, I would think that, a lot wiser, than shimming up that old beanstalk and running with a giant stalker, who just happens to be full of beans. An insult? Not by any means, now if they had stated you were a blonde bomb that would be an insult, as they devastate the entire room and leave flashy, and those clothes are a riot on the streets. A goose never questions how much sense they have and dumplins are hard to find, so dump those who diss you, but deflate their tires before you leave, they hold a lot of hot air. Aunt Flappi PS: Get my latest book coming out soon "Blondes Are Not Dumb, Just Misunderstood" it is a 25 page hardback for $350.00 and seems to be quite popular with the blondes, and then you can laugh all the way from the bank and show them just how smart you really are, those stupid people profilers. I wrote this for people just like you in line, uh, I mean, mind. Aunt Flappi

Dear Aunt Flappi,
 My son is 141/2 years old, and I cannot wean him from nursing, and I
Get a lot of stares, gestures, and bad words when I have to nurse him in
Public. Aunt Flappi, I think it is very important to breastfeed your
Children, but my boyfriend and some of my girlfriends state that I am
Entirely wrong. But I think my boyfriend is jealous or has baby-envy,
What can I do?
                                                              
Nursing in Toledo

Dear Nursing in Toledo,
I hate to tell you Sug, but he is no longer your son, he is your lover.
But I must agree with you about the boyfriend, a lot of dads, as it is
Noted there the most, do have a type of baby envy as they think the baby
Gets too much attention in the beginning. I would highly recommend the
Boyfriend see a psychologist especially a children's pyschologist as he
Sounds like he has some Freudian displacement issues which will require
A short term admittance into a children's hospital for observation. Your
Girlfriends are obviously jealous of your deep concern and consistency
With your child's growth and nourishment. As far as your child is
Concerned when you "wean" him, he will probably seek out a substitute
"mommy" so I would not be too concerned.

Aunt Flappi

Work At Home-Why Not You?

MOM makes $6397/Month Unemplyed mom makes $6397/month working online. Read how she did it. Picture is not the Nancy Gribble see: Disclaimer Amazingly, an unemployed mother, desperate for money has found a new career on line, posting what she considers now a network of fun, Nancy Gribble first began as a high paid Gnat and then went onto a small time weather girl in Texas having earned her degree in Whetherrmologist at Redcorn's CloudBurst Junior College for seniors earning a 2 year college degree. "When I lost that job, I thought I would never become a success again, and then there's the children - whether I am aware or not someone has to care for them." Later, Mrs. Gribble took a 13 year course in natworking and became a poster. "Poor Dale, lost his battle as the # 1 best bugman in Texas so, I separated from him soon after, but I hope it is not permanent, a man of such talent should be able to recoup and gain his title back or become a stomper, but it did leave me wondering, what can I do". About that same time little did Nancy know, and driving by her house one day Mrs. Hill stopped and after chatting with Nancy stated upon leaving, "I hear Redcorn has started a new rip-off business which he calls a school, funny isn't it pantalets Nanciono?" But little did Mrs. Hill know, and that rattled Nancy into taking a look at NetPosting and this is where you come in, Nancy has learned a secret and so can you. For a mere $18.000 you too can soon be earning money sitting at home, but you are asking how can I go to school for a 13 year period, that will make me a little older. Well, surprise we have on you, we have taken all of our best instructor and our best internet technologist and have narrowed it down to a mere two week course, so how could you afford and not want the two week course and make money from a range of anywhere? Show your degree to all your friends, to all your family, to all those homeless people you do not associate with. No more will you have to sit down to stand up, this program is a must do without on and for you. Let's hear it from Nancy as she does not speak but types which she could have learned anywhere but did not, having came to take the course here at Redcorn's Cloudburst, that is right you heard me in your own correct hearing, Cloudburst is no longer a Whethermology course but is now simply Redcorn, "The place where your Corns will not be Red", it is our motto and we mean it almost the entirety of the day. But you might say, and we would tell you but not until you ask, Do I have to travel there. NO, that is a resounding no, you do not need to come out here in Texas driving, simply place in the mail and order your, Paddleforms tomorrow, today, do not waste a nickel or dime, drop four more and call R-E-D-C-O-R-N and in case you did not listen to hear that it is R-E-D-C-O-R-N and wish correctly stating give me that $18,000 course plus non-working tax of 3,350 (that is 3 thousand, threefittie) bring it to a total on that touchpad calculater. What is that? You don't have a touchpad calculater, no problem, we have all the solve for any problem, just add another threefittie and we will send you one free with your course. Now you may say, can all of this not be true? Nancy, tell them how you did like this course before you took it. "Flabbergassted I may have been, and I have been much but not before, so if you piddle too much the paddle will row back home, so do what Ol' Nancy done did many times before it was done by someone else, order your Paddleform tomorrow today and no longer minkeyshiner are you. And don't forget the threefittie folks cause every thing will take money and have it is what we need. Work from home: http://www.redcorncloudburstgraduatecollegecourse.com/ or call: "R-E-D-C-O-R-N" but make sure we are not there between morning in the am and evening in the pm from around 8 until 4. Disclaimer: All names have been changed to protect the truly "innocent" any similiarity to any one living or sleeping is clearly in the mind of the writer, any program has been eliminated only on paper, the actual program still exists in other designated forums of his/her own choosing. Any misspelling was placed in the following communication purposely for you or anyone else who may be portrayed by you or totally unbeknownst of yourself, to find and marvel at the stupidity of the said writer. This disclaimer is not to be disclaimed by anyone else unless they are in the manner of dissing another in which case it will be viewed as commendable, but only in a public forum, privately it is still your personal view and good luck to you and yours. Any misuse or use of quotation marks that are correct in an appropriate english language usage are purely incidental and unintentional on the writer's behalf, we ask your forgiveness and oversight, these may or may not be reported to any committee, other than the finance committee, as this has been addressed and covered at the bottom of the page in green type. I appreciate your indulgence, but not your indulgencies, and patience in reading of the below dialogue between two friends, thank you. Local Mom Makes $87/Hr Online! Don't Try to Work at Home Until You Tead this Shocking Report.... http://www.satellite-gps-locator.com/ You May Want To Not Change ... SHOCKING! Picture is not anyone you may not know

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